


Make You Love Me.

by psyleedee



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adorable, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Poetry, Blushing, Caring Castiel (Supernatural), Childhood Trauma, College | University Student Castiel (Supernatural), College | University Student Dean Winchester, Coming Out, Cute Castiel/Dean Winchester, Denial of Feelings, Donuts, Dorks in Love, Eventual Happy Ending, Falling In Love, Feelings, First Dates, First Kiss, Flowers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Football | Soccer Player Dean Winchester, Friends to Lovers, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Librarian Castiel (Supernatural), Love Confessions, M/M, Older Dean Winchester, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Physical Abuse, Playboy Dean Winchester, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Singing, Strangers to Lovers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Wooing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-05-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:54:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 55,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22804414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/psyleedee/pseuds/psyleedee
Summary: So what if Castiel likes that the strange, leather-jacket wearing guy in the library keeps staring at him? And so what if he's a teensy bit attractive? It's not like Castiel's going to ever tell him that. But then the boy, the infamous Dean Winchester, Casanova of the college, is standing there in front of him, asking him out.And Castiel says no.But then Dean is leaving. With a promise.A promise Castiel isn't sure how he's going to complete. How is Dean going to make Castiel love him? And why is Dean so obsessed with Castiel? Surely he's just playing around, right? He has plenty of pretty women begging for him, and yet, here Dean is, standing with a guitar in his hand, serenading Castiel with love songs.God, Dean Winchester is a pain in Castiel's ass.Surprisingly enough, Castiel finds himself liking it.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 252
Kudos: 367





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you like this chapter!

Castiel notices the boy for the first time. Has he been here before? Doesn't seem like it. Well, it is quite hard not to notice him. Everybody knows, these guys don't belong here. These guys with their leather jackets, swollen knuckles, split lips, they just don't fit into the library. Not that they aren't welcome, they've just made a name for themselves, never to be seen around there. 

Whatever, what's it to Castiel? 

He simply shakes his head and walks over to the second aisle, putting back a few books Ms. Mosely asked him to. And if his eyes wander back to the boy every other minute, well, he isn't to blame. The boy is gorgeous, really. With golden-brown hair, a cute nose, wide smile and bright green eyes. He's talking to Ms. Mosely, and Castiel is surprised she hasn't kicked him out already for laughing too loud. 

Technically, no one's studying in the library at a time like this. It's almost four in the evening, and the peak hours are usually from five onwards, so the library's quite empty. Castiel huffs a sigh, and moves onto another shelf. 

Right as he's pushing Agatha Christie's The A.B.C Murders into the crime section, he feels a set of eyes lingering on him. He waits for a moment. They still linger, raking up and down his back. He can feel it. He doesn't know how, he just can. 

Castiel turns, but to his surprise, there's no one except the leather jacket guy, and he's looking down into a book. That's strange. Not the boy reading but the fact that Castiel can swear he just felt someone stare at him. Not Mosely. Not the jacket boy. Well, who then? 

Castiel turns, pushing the thought away. Maybe he was wrong, and it was simply a gush of air on his back. He moves onto another shelf, stacking the books alphabetically, making sure they're in the right order. He wonders absently, what the other boy is doing here. He's never seen him in the library before, and Castiel is at the library for a few hours everyday, surely he must've been around at least once, but no, Castiel doesn't recall seeing him a single time. 

Maybe he should go talk to him, ask him what he's doing here. He glances back at the boy to-

Green eyes meet Castiel, and he hitches a breath. 

The other boy looks away just as quick as Castiel turns back around. 

Did he just catch the boy staring at him? No, that's not possible, why in the world would he be staring at Castiel? Unless... Did he need something? Well, as the part-time librarian, Castiel needs to help out the visitors. With a deep breath, Castiel turns again, ever so slightly, enough to see that the boy is glancing up at him from time to time. 

It's alright Castiel, it's just a boy, you can talk to him. You just need to be friendly. What's he going to do? He's just a harmless, gorgeous, very attractive boy who has punched the air out of your lungs. Right. And he keeps staring at you. 

Castiel sighs, turning to set his books down on one of the tables behind him, as he shuffles out of the aisle, heading right over to where the boy is sitting. Oh, so he's going to pretend not to look now? He thinks he can be all sneaky? Right, sure, Castiel isn't going to let him just get away with that. 

The boy looks up at him as he stands right next to him, putting on his loveliest smile as he greets the boy. 

"Hello, I noticed you keep looking at me, is there anything you need help with?"

The boy opens his mouth and shuts it again, as if conflicted with himself. 

"Nope," He says, popping the 'p', and smiling back up at Castiel, "I'm good."

Okay. This is embarrassing. 

"Right. You can uh, call me if you need anything."

Castiel stutters out, cheeks red with shame, turning on his heels, grumbling to himself, when a hand grabs at his wrist. 

"How."

Castiel stops mid-track, too taken aback to say anything, as he glances down at the hand on his own, the hand that slowly falls away as Castiel looks up to meet the boy's eyes. 

Well, glad to know he's not the only one blushing. 

"I mean, uh, how do I call you? I don't know your name."

Oh. He just wants to know Castiel's name. 

"Uh, right, Castiel, my name's Castiel."

"That's a weird name."

"Sure uh, I'll tell my parents to change it next time I see them."

Look, Castiel isn't sarcastic on purpose. It's just that, there's this cute guy, who's holding his hand, asking for his name, staring at him when he's not looking, and well, give Castiel a break, he's only human. And gay. 

The boy cracks a slight smile, looking down, as Castiel curses himself in his head. 

"Didn't mean it like that. It's uh, nice, weird name."

The boy shrugs, smiling up softly. Not fair. God is testing Castiel. Nobody just randomly meets a cute, flirty guy by chance. 

"Oh, uh, thank you."

A beat passes, neither saying a word. 

"Right, I'll uh, get going-"

No sooner does Castiel step back, that the boy is standing up and oh, damn, he is tall. Up close, he's quite attractive. Very attractive, yes. Don't zone out on his face, don't zone out on his face, don't zone out on his-

The boy steps closer into Castiel's space, and the scent of grass and cedar hits Castiel's nose as the boy breathes a deep breath. 

"Yeah... Uhm, look, Castiel, I don't mean to be too forward, but uh, I've seen you around here a couple of times, seen you 'round our campus too, and uh, I was uhm, hoping you'd... I mean, complete your call, of course, but uh... Would you like to uhm," The guy swallows, "Would you like to have lunch with me?"

What. The. Heck. 

"What?"

Castiel croaks, eyes wide in disbelief. The boy rubs the back of his neck, red spread across his face, and he looks adorable, but hold on a second, Castiel doesn't even know him?! And wait, did he just say he's seen Castiel around the campus? When? Castiel has never seen him, though? 

"Uhm, I said-"

"Like a date?"

The boy smiles a little, glancing up at Castiel.

"Yeah.

Castiel takes a deep breath. He blinks. Once. Twice. 

"I don't even know your name?!"

Castiel shouts, and staggers back, tripping on his own foot, only to have Dean's strong arm hold onto his hips. 

"Dean. Dean Winchester."

No way. Not the Dean Winchester. 

"Wait, you're Coach Singer's son?"

Dean simply chuckles, pulling Castiel closer, stepping back politely as he lets go of Castiel's hips. 

"Yeah, I mean, not biological, but yeah."

Nope. Castiel isn't going to do this. He's heard enough about this Dean Winchester from Meg. He knows he only sleeps around, moving on from one girl to another. And wait, if he's such a ladies' man, why is he asking Castiel out? Is this a dare? Are there cameras hidden in here? Is John Quiñones about to pop out of one of the shelves? Is this a joke? 

No, no, no. He can't do this to himself. He wants a partner who is understanding, who is caring, who is loyal, who might not be a Greek God, but is sweet and kind, not a cheap casanova like Dean. 

"No, no, I can't- you're, I'm sorry, really... I just... I don't think it would work-"

"Can you at least give me a chance?"

There's pain in Dean's voice, a very strange tone of regret, and his face falls. His lips are turned down and his eyes droop. 

"Just once? I promise, if you still don't like me, I won't trouble you again-"

"Dean, I'm sorry, but I don't see the purpose, I'm not your type, okay? I've heard about you from my friends, and I know how you are, I'm sorry if that's rude, I just, have some expectations from my dates, and you- you just don't fit."

Castiel has never been this candid before. But now he is. And now Dean is also quite upset. He looks down, ashamed, not meeting Castiel eyes, as he steps back. 

"O-okay."

Okay? Really? That's all he's going to say? Okay? 

"Okay?"

Castiel sounds more like he's affirming Dean, than parroting him, and he regrets it almost instantly, because then Dean shakes his head, and looks up at him with a smile. 

"Okay. You have expectations from your dates, yeah?"

What is he saying? What? Castiel only nods, too confused to say a word. 

"Well, is there any way I can meet them? Well, tell me what I need to change, Castiel, and I'll do it. I swear. I've been trying to talk to you for ages, and none of my friends even know you, it's just, I've been looking for you like crazy, and I've finally found you, and you don't want me, so tell me what I can do to make you like me."

Castiel is stunned. No, stunned is an understatement. He knows he's gawking at Dean, lips parted, eyes wide. He can't help it. 

"Is- is this a joke?"

Dean's eyes widen, and he shakes his head.   
"What, of course not?! I'm serious, Castiel."

"O-oh..."

Castiel steps back, putting a good few inches between them, as he stares at Dean, his resolution breaking as he looks away. 

"Look, I don't want you to change for me or anything. In fact, I don't believe you should change yourself for anyone. Just... I don't want to get involved in this, only to find out it's a waste of time, because I've been there before, and trust me, I wouldn't want to live through that again."

Dean steps forward, a hopeful smile on his face. 

"Alright then, just one date, just so I can spend a little more time with you. Please. And if you don't like what's going on, you're free to leave-"

"Castiel?!"

Dean is cut short by Ms. Mosely calling out for Castiel, and both boys turn to face the woman sitting a few metres away. 

"Coming!"

Castiel calls back absently, as he gives Dean an apologetic look. 

"I'm sorry, really, but you'll find someone, okay? Someone you wouldn't have to change for, someone who'll love you for you..."

Castiel knows he's hurt Dean, but he can't do anything about it. It's not like Castiel begged Dean to ask him out or anything. Dean knows there could be consequences to his actions and he should've anticipated a response like this. Castiel would've, if he were in Dean's place. 

Walking back, Castiel simply gives Dean a small smile, not bothering about the disappointment on Dean's face. Right as he's walking away, he hears Dean call out to him, and turns back. 

"I'm gonna make you love me, Castiel. I know I will."

He says, with such conviction, it's hard not to forget, and all at once, he's beaming, smiling the same wide gummy smile as before, strutting out of the place like he owns it. 

Again, leaving Castiel extremely confused. 

Whatever. He'll move on in no time. 


	2. Chapter 2

"Okay, so the crime section is that way, to your right, and the horror is just behind it. Do you need me to show you or will you be alright?"

Castiel smiles at the woman next to him, and she smiles back, shaking her head.   
"No, I'll find them, thank you."  
She says, and begins walking away. Castiel turns away, but not before calling out to her.

"Tell me if you need anything."

He hears a low ' _sure_ ' from the back, where the woman has disappeared, and with a relieved sigh, he turns away. As much as he loves helping people around here, he really needs to get these books stocked on the second YA shelf.

In goes Carry On, then Divergent, then goes... Hmm, Percy Jackson? Don't they have that one already? Whatever, not his place to question.

As he stocks up the books, Castiel can't help but smile, as he thinks of Dean. Sure, he rejected him a few days ago, but hey, if he thinks of him almost every other hour of the day, ever since his little stunt, it's not like he can control it. It happens mostly in an instance, Castiel will see something, like green grass, and think of Dean's eyes, or he'll catch a young boy smiling at him all wide and gummy, and Castiel will be thinking all over about Dean's smile.

He should control himself, he knows, besides, why should he even think of someone he rejected? Someone he'll never date? This is pointless. He should stop. Alright, think of something else... Hmm... Bees? No, ice-cream? Okay, he's hungry now. No, no, stop, don't think about Dean's voice, how about... Castiel looks down at the book in his hand. Right, John Green? Meh, whatever.

_Just, focus on your task, Castiel._

Right as he's finishing the last stack of books, a laugh, deep and rumbly, floats through the air, and on instinct, Castiel whips his head around to-

No way. What the heck is he doing here?

Standing in front of him, just a few metres away, is none other than Dean Winchester. He's talking about something with Ms. Mosely.

Quick, look away.

Castiel turns, right as he feels Dean turn to him, gulping and busying himself with another book to stack. With shaky hands, he pushes a book into the shelf, trying his hardest not to turn and take a slight peek at Dean. Castiel recalls, from his quick glance, Dean's not wearing a leather jacket anymore, he's wearing a blue jeans and a black Henley shirt, and if Castiel's right, he's holding something in his hands.

Whatever, what's it to Castiel?

Castiel simply moves onto the next shelf, balancing himself up on his tip-toes as he tries to reach a higher shelf.

"Castiel."

_Don't turn, don't turn, don't-_

"Hello Dean."  
With a sigh, Castiel turns, now face to face with none other than the boy who's washed over his thoughts and mind for the past few days. Dean's a few inches away, holding a colourful box in his hands. Castiel glances down at his hands, and then up at his face.

Dean simply fixes him with a wide, beaming smile.

"For you."  
He shoves the box right into Castiel's hands, and all Castiel can do is stare up at him.

"Really?"

"Really, yeah."  
Dean grins wide, and Castiel knows he shouldn't be smiling back, but he can't help the little smirk that teases at his lips when he opens the box.

Chocolates. Dark, milk, white. They look delicious.

"Chocolates?"

"Yup. Girls love them. Guys love them. You can never go wrong with chocolates. Unless, of course, you have diabetes, in which case-"

Castiel shoves the box back into Dean's hands, making him pause and peer at Castiel.

"I don't eat chocolates."

It's a little white lie. Not like anyone's going to sue him for that. Castiel turns, letting himself smile wide and smug, because hey, he just rejected Dean Winchester in the face, twice.

"Wait, what?"

"Sorry, I don't eat chocolates, Dean."

"Wait, no, no, I just wanted to ask you if you changed your mind."

"Changed my mind?" Castiel pushes a book into the top shelf, tilting his head ever so slightly, as Dean steps closer, flooding Castiel's senses with cedar and mint. "About what?"

He pretends to ignore Dean's face dropping.

"The date? Would you go out on a date with me, Castiel?"  
Dean asks, and Castiel turns, not having expected the minute amount of distance between them.

Up close, Castiel won't lie, Dean's exquisite. There's freckles smattered across his nose and cheeks, few dotting down his neck, apple green eyes staring into his, Dean's breath warm against Castiel's cheek.

He's cornered now, he can't even move a bit. His breath hitches, back pressed up against the shelf, and Dean is standing right in front of him, looking at him like he's going to eat him like a five-course meal. _What a tease_. Castiel can't help but glance down at those plush, pink lips and _oh_ \- oh, Dean thinks he's being so cheeky licking his lips, huh?

With an exasperated roll of his eyes and a smile Castiel never meant to give, he pushes Dean's chest, nudging him away as he grabs a book from the stack.

"I have work to do, Dean. Besides, you can't bring food into the library."

"Oh really? What's a snack like you doing in here then?"  
Dean snorts, and Castiel has to physically restrain himself from strangling Dean.

"Wow. So original."

"Alright, alright. You don't eat chocolates, right? Give me a second, I'm gonna be back."

"Wouldn't mind if you aren't."  
Castiel quips, as he rolls his eyes and chuckles to himself, stacking the last book on the shelf before turning towards another aisle.

_God, Dean's adorable._

Wait, no, what? No, no, Dean is a pain in the ass, not freaking adorable?!

 _But he got me chocolates_.

So what? Uh, don't be a sap, Castiel. This is not going to work. Never going to work.

As Castiel leans against a shelf, hands behind his back, a small smile on his face, someone shuffles back into the library, and Castiel snaps out of his thoughts, only to see Dean strut over to him with another box in his hands, the box of chocolates in his other hand.

Castiel scoffs, incredulous, as he watches Dean smile at him.

"Here."  
Dean states, and drops the boxes in Castiel's hands, to his utter surprise.

"Wh-what is this?"  
Castiel asks, eyes studying the box and oh? Are those donuts?

"Donuts. You can never go wrong with donuts, man. Everyone loves donuts."  
Dean beams with pride, setting the box of chocolates on top of the box of donuts.

Castiel simply huffs a cynical chuckle.

"Really?"

"Really."

Castiel glances down at the box, then back up at Dean, cocking an eyebrow at the older boy.

"What if I said I don't eat donuts either?"  
Castiel says, testing Dean's patience, on purpose.

"Well, not to worry, I came prepared."

 _Dear Lord, save Castiel_. _He did what, now?_

"You what?"

Before Castiel can say that though, Dean has disappeared, leaving the two boxes of sweets in Castiel's hands.

"De- what?"  
Castiel gasps, eyes bulging with disbelief.

 _Well, good riddance, I guess_.

Castiel shakes his head with despair, as he sets the boxes down on a table near the aisle. He turns around and-

"God!"  
Castiel yelps, staggering back, as Dean smiles, face inches from Castiel's.

"Couldn't you say something?!"  
Castiel scolds, jabbing Dean's shoulder, as he rolls his eyes.

"Sorry. Besides, you looked so good bent over that table, kind of lost my mind for a second there."

Oh. The implications of sex. Castiel hadn't thought about those. Wasn't planning on it either. 

But then again. Dean would be great at- okay, no, no. Castiel looks away, sighing with exasperation as Dean hands him another box.

"Let me guess. Cupcakes?"  
Castiel asks, absolutely no emotions in his voice.

"Nope. I guessed maybe you'd be a health freak, like my brother, so I got you a box of snack bars, these are pretty good by the way-"

"Yeah, because you hand a box of snack bars to a guy you're trying to ask out? Right."  
Castiel chides, and sets the box down atop the other two.

"What if I said I don't eat-"  
Castiel starts, but is cut off by a sharp tug at his shirt, and then Dean is pulling him close, eyes wide and jaw locked with frustration.

"I don't fucking care anymore. Just answer me, will you go out with me, or no?"

 _Don't do it, Cas,_ _don't do it, don't look at his lips, don't-_

Dean's lips look very soft.

Damn it, Castiel, you never look at a person's lips like _that_?

As if aware of Castiel's internal conflict, Dean steps away, and Castiel, suddenly recalling that Dean had asked him out, yet again, smirks.

"I'm gonna think about it."

"So, it's not a definite no, right?"

"Mhm, but it's not a definite yes either."

"Works for me. You know, glass half-empty, half-full."  
Dean smiles, and Castiel has to physically stop himself from kissing that stupid, dorky smile off his face.

"Get away from me."  
Castiel rolls his eyes, but this time, there's affection, and he's surprised at the emotions Dean's able to draw from him.

"You know, I promised I wouldn't stop until I made you love me, and I'm damn good at keeping my promises."

Dean steps into Castiel's space, for what seems like the millionth time in the day.

He's close, too close, if you ask Castiel. His typical masculine cologne is trickling Castiel's nose, and Castiel can't help but stare into those lush green eyes, as Dean backs him into a shelf at the corner of the room, hands hovering right above Castiel's waist, just begging to touch, as he licks his lips and leans down.

"So, I don't know about you, Novak, but I'm not stopping until you say yes."

Dean gives him a look that can only be classified as predatory, and there's raw, pure hunger in his eyes, a hunger Castiel's never seen before. A shudder rips through him, as his fingers brush against the fabric of Dean's shirt.

"Well, Winchester, you're going to be here for a long time if you think I'd just say yes."

It's as if something shifts in the air around them, and then Dean's grinning and backing off. He slips out of the narrow aisle, and Castiel takes a moment to simply breathe, to breathe air that does not smell like cedar and mint and petrol.

He squeezes out of the aisle, watching as Dean turns and begins to walk away.

"Aren't you taking your gifts back?"

Dean doesn't turn, yet Castiel can see the hint of a smile on the corner of his lips.

"I know you liked 'em, Castiel. Keep 'em. Think of me when you eat 'em."

Just like that, Dean's leaving, and before Castiel can even think of anything besides him, he's gone, the only trace of him ever being there the boxes of treats.

Castiel looks around, noticing no one in close vicinity, before he peeks the box of chocolates open, and slips one out, popping it in his mouth with a smile, and moaning at the taste.

Turns out Dean was right. Castiel does think of him. 


	3. Chapter 3

"Castiel!"

Castiel turns around, bouncing his bag on his shoulder to keep it from dropping, when he's met with Sam, bent over and panting.

"Wh- Sam, you alright?"

"Give me a minute, I just ran all the way from class."

"Oh, uh, sure."

Sam and Castiel share their philosophy classes, and have been classmates for two years now. He's a sweet boy. He's helpful, smart, and so fun to talk to. They don't hang out much, but they always catch up if they bump into each other. However, it is a bit unusual to see him now, since classes are over, everyone's either going to the library or home, and Castiel's heading on home too, before he has to go work at the library. 

"I have a huge favour to ask you."  
Sam straightens up, his tall frame towering over Castiel, shaggy brown hair falling over his forehead as he brushes it away, and a wide, smile that resembles someone else's, but Castiel doesn't remember whose.

"Sure, go ahead."

"Alright, so you know, the thing is I'm doing law, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"So get this, there's this little kind of... A discussion, that us law students, some of us, are arranging to spread more awareness about rights and duties and y'know," He looks around as if trying to find a better word to explain, "basically law things you as civilians need to know about and all."

At Castiel's nod, he continues, "And it's also kind of a way to encourage people to take up law. So, what I wanted to ask you was, is it alright if we have that little session in the library? Town library? You work there, right?"

"I do work there... Although I'm not sure it's my place to approve something like this, but..."

Castiel pauses, rubbing his finger over his lip, as he thinks.

 _Think, Cas. You can't be rude, you need to talk to Missouri, at least_.

"I could talk to Missouri, she's kind of like the supervisor there... And uhm, I'll update you on the same, okay?"  
Castiel smiles, and watches the tension in Sam's shoulders seep out as he sighs.

"Thank you so much, man," Sam claps Castiel on the back, "This really means a lot to me... I don't even know where to start, because this is a student organized session, and I'm putting my 100 per cent on the line-"

"Don't thank me, let's start with that."  
Castiel grins, and Sam smiles back, a little flushed now.

 _Aww, he's so sweet_.

"Alright, so uh, I'll see you later the-"

Before Sam can complete his sentence, someone calls out his name, and both boys turn to the source.

Walking from a few feet away, towards them, is Dean, in his brown leather jacket, grey shirt and jeans. He stops, does a double take at Castiel, then Sam, then Castiel again, and truth be told, it's kind of funny. But wait, what is Dean doing here? God, is he here with some weird gift again?

But, he called out Sam's name?

Dean joins them, eyes raking over both of them, before they fix onto Castiel.

_Look away, look away, look away, no! Don't smile, Castiel!_

But he does.

It's a small smile, and Dean smiles back, wider than Castiel expected. He's not holding anything except his car keys, and before Castiel can process what's happening, Sam's talking, not to him, but to Dean.

Castiel has to blink between the two of them, and seems as if Dean knows what's running through Castiel's mind, because he simply grins, and claps Castiel on the back.

"You miss me, Cas?"  
He asks, and Castiel rolls his eyes, a smile lingering at the corner of his lips.

"You wish."

It's true though. He's missed Dean for the past week, every day since he left Castiel with a bunch of boxes at the library. Not much, though. And by not much, he means very, very much. He's thought of things, with Dean, things he'd never tell a soul. Like maybe kissing him. Or his cheek. Or hugging him. Or holding his hand. But that's not important. What's important is that he's here, and apparently Sam knows him and they're talking. And he's not trying to ask Castiel out...? Oh, uh, okay.

Strange, the only times Castiel ever seen Dean is when he's asking him out. Never just randomly like this. Perhaps because the science classes are on the other side of campus.

"So, what's a guy like you doing with my nerd brother, oh wait, you're both nerds."  
Dean snorts, and Castiel jabs him in the rib.  
"Ow!"

"Would a nerd do that?"

"Yeah, okay, whatever. You win. So, Sammy, you know Cas?"

"It's Castiel."  
Castiel corrects, although he's beginning to like the little nickname.

"Same difference."  
Dean shrugs, and rings his hand around Castiel's neck, tugging him closer to Dean's chest.

_It feels kind of nice._

"You know Dean?"  
Sam asks Castiel, looking between the two of them, pure confusion written across his face.

"I have never seen this man in my life before."  
Castiel deadpans.

"Too late to say that now, sweetheart."  
Dean sniggers, and God, why can't he just go to hell with his cute smile, his intoxicating cologne and that stupid face of his? Castiel gives an exasperated sigh.

"How do _you_ know Sam?"  
Castiel asks, tilting his head up at Dean, who looks down at him, their faces so close, Castiel can see the little knicks of a razor on his jaw.

"Well, I've known Sam for, hey Sammy how old are you?"  
Dean grins, and Sam simply rolls his eyes but in a strange, affectionate way.

"I'm twenty-two."

"Right, I've known Sam for twenty-two years."

_What? What does he mean?_

"He's my brother."  
Dean says, and it finally clicks in Castiel's mind. Wait what? Sam is Dean's brother?

"You guys don't look like brothers?"

"Yeah, obviously I'm better looking."  
Dean jokes, and Sam gives him a sarcastic smile.

"Of course."

"Hey, ask Cas, he's in love with me, by the way."  
Dean winks, laughing like it's the funniest thing ever, as Castiel shakes his head.

"Last time I checked, I wasn't the one who gifted you a bunch of chocolates and donuts."

Dean stops laughing, instantly flushing red, and both Sam and Castiel can see his obvious embarrassment.

 _Castiel 1, Dean 0_.

"Whatever."  
Dean's arm loosens on Castiel's shoulder, and he doesn't know what comes over him, but Castiel tugs at Dean's arm, keeping it in place.

 _Okay, yeah, maybe in hindsight, I shouldn't have done that_.

Dean gulps, eyes wandering down to Castiel's lips, before moving away towards Sam.

"You ready to go home?"  
Dean asks Sam, his voice softer than before. Even if Sam suspects anything between the two of them, it's not like he's going to say it out loud.

"Oh crap, I forgot to tell you, Dean, I have to stay back for the event we're organising. So I'm gonna be late," Sam glances down at his watch and sighs, "And I probably already am."

Sam's shoulders droop, and he steps back.

"I'll see you guys-"

"You got money on you?"  
Dean asks, a tone of strictness in his voice. Castiel smiles. It's so much like Gabriel's.

"Yeah."

"Need more?"

"Naw, I'll take the bus."

"Or call me, when you're done, I'll come pick you."  
Dean says, and Sam gives him an assuring smile.

"Don't worry, Dean, I'll be okay. Oh and uh, Cas?"

"Yeah?"

"You'll talk to..."

"Missouri, right, of course, Sam. I will."  
Castiel nods with a polite smile, and just like that, Sam has left, vanishing into the hallways, leaving Castiel with Dean.

Wait, they're alone now. _Oh god, they're alone now_.

"So, how'd you know Sasquatch?"  
Dean slips his arm off Castiel's shoulder, stuffing his hands inside the pocket of his jacket. 

"We uh, we share philosophy class."  
Castiel answers, as he begins walking, slowly, as Dean strolls next to him.

"Ah, Professor Frank?"

"Yeah."

"Cool, he's a cool guy."

"How do you know him? I thought you were on the science side?"

"Oh you know, I meet him when I'm with professor MacLeod."

"Wait, are you not a student?"  
Castiel asks, halting as they come across the gate to the campus garden. He pushes it open and they enter, Dean following after him.

"I'm flattered that you think I look young enough to be a student, but no, I'm an intern here. I'm interning for Professor Macleod. He's part of the engineering faculty. I've always liked cars, so I did my major in automotive engineering, and I might take up a job next month, maybe as a junior professor, or maybe in some company, I don't know yet..."

Wow. Okay. That's a lot to process. So, Dean's not a student. Then how does Meg know about him being such a playboy?

"But Meg... She said you were like uh, no offense, like some sort of playboy, you know, sleeping with girls and all."

Dean laughs, and Castiel meets his eye, not knowing what's so funny.

"Yeah, that was uh, years ago. But I guess the reputation never goes away, huh? I was like, what, third year, second year, I guess. That's all behind me, though."

"Oh..."

Hold on a fucking second.

So Meg was wrong? And the notion that Castiel has had about Dean for all those days, is also, complete bullshit? Which means, Castiel could give him a chance? At a date?

 _But it's fun teasing him_.

"Oh... Wow, I didn't know that... So wait, how old really are you?"

"Twenty six."

"Oh..."

"You seem kinda spooked, what, you weren't expecting all that?"

"No it's just... You look younger... And you dress like you're going on a road trip,"  
Castiel says, eyes narrowed, as if crossing off a checklist. Dean simply laughs, making Castiel smile.

Castiel turns to glance at Dean, but then his eyes are being held by Dean's, and once again, he's overcome with a peculiar urge to touch Dean. Not very much, but just, maybe brush his hands against Dean's, or have Dean place his hand on Cas's waist, or maybe even the closeness they always have in the library.

Here there's no quiet corner for Dean to back Castiel into and tease him, here there's only green grass for as long as you can see, a few benches, and trees.

It's odd, really, how there's so much around them, yet Castiel can't take his eyes off of Dean.

"Stop."  
Dean is the first one to look away, a small smile on his lips, his cheeks flushed with pink.

"What?"  
Castiel asks, tilting his head slightly, confused at Dean's behaviour.

What does he mean ' _stop_ '? Castiel isn't even doing anything to him.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Why?"

Castiel asks with a little smirk, testing Dean, he knows it's cruel, but it's fun to watch Dean squirm and blush. 

All at once, Dean's leaning closer to Castiel, his lips mere inches from Castiel's, eyes fixed onto Castiel's face, roaming over his eyes and lips, as he whispers in a breath. 

"Because if you don't I might just kiss you."

So he does want to kiss Castiel.

Castiel's breath hitches, and he looks away, neither of them speaking up, as they continue to stroll along, bodies pressed against each other.

Dean might be a good kisser, Castiel wonders. He'd be way more experienced than Castiel. Castiel's only dated once, and it was extremely frivolous. Balthazar was his friend, and both boys, a few years ago, trying to experiment with their sexuality, had kissed, dated for a while, but it had never made Castiel feel like this.

Hell, Castiel didn't even know he could feel like this. Dean made him feel different. Dean made him feel important, like someone cared for him. But then again, why would someone like Dean want to be with someone as insecure and boring as Castiel? Maybe it's a joke. Maybe everything's a joke. The proposal. The flirting. Maybe it's all part of a big joke.

"What's wrong?"

Dean's voice snaps Castiel out of his thoughts, and he blinks, looking up from the random spot of grass he'd zoned out on. Dean's standing in front of him now, his hands on Castiel's shoulders and eyes studying him with concern.

"Huh? Oh, uh, nothing."  
Castiel smiles, and Dean simply stares at him for a moment, before stepping aside.

"You know, you can tell me if something's wrong. I'm your friend, Cas."  
Dean chuckles, and bumps Castiel's shoulder with his own, drawing a soft smile from Castiel.

"Really?"  
Castiel snorts, bumping Dean's shoulder back.

"Really."  
Dean simply smiles, and Castiel doesn't know what it is, but there's something so genuine about his words, and the look in his eyes. The pure, childish innocence on his face, something that draws Castiel deeper to Dean.

"Okay."  
Castiel says, and it's barely a whisper. Dean slides his arms around Castiel's shoulder, pulling him snug against his broad chest.

"Do you mind if I do that?"  
He asks, voice soft and low.

"No."  
The word escapes past Castiel's lips before he can even think of it.

"Good."

They walk for a while, simply basking in the afternoon sun, filtering through the canopy of trees above them, the smell of grass and wet soil floating in the air, and then the smell of Dean, not an intrusion anymore, but a welcomed sensation to Castiel's senses.

"Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you like me?"  
Castiel stops in his tracks and turns to Dean.

Dean pauses, as if caught off-guard by that question. But then he smiles, and brushes his fingers over Castiel's palm.

"Why do you mean why? I can't control who I like and who I don't."

"That's not an answer."  
Castiel sighs, eyes falling to the ground as Dean steps closer.

"You think I'm joking? Castiel, I've liked you for months now. Since October, I guess. And it's February now."

"I didn't even know you existed as a person until like, a few weeks ago."  
Castiel scoffs, and Dean chuckles, pulling him close.

"I uh, I saw you at the library, when I started my internship. And I was so scared to talk to you. You've heard my reputation, so do you know how freaking special you have to be for Dean Winchester to be scared of talking to you?"

Castiel simply shakes his head, and Dean grins.

"Pretty special, Cas. In fact, the only person who knows how bad I have it for you is probably Missouri. Obviously, it would be her. First off, 'cause she ain't blind, secondly, she's the one who kept telling me to talk to you."

Missouri? Is that why she's so easy-going with Dean? Must be.

"And I'd always be at the corner of the other side, sometimes studying, sometimes just watching you do stuff."

"Really?"

"Really..."

"Wow, way to make a guy feel safe, huh."

"Alright, come on, I never meant to be a creep, I just, liked watching you."

Castiel wonders if he'd ever seen Dean there before, and if he'd forgotten seeing Dean. There are a lot of people there from time to time, so it's quite plausible for him to have forgotten ever seeing Dean there.

_Whatever it is, he's glad he's found Dean._

"I'm not going to keep asking you this, Castiel, but I really like you, and I'd want nothing more than to be with you, if you even give me a single chance."

 _Oh. There it is_.

Castiel stops, Dean's arm slipping off his shoulder as he breathes a deep breath.

"Dean, I just... Look, I don't mind this. I don't mind talking to you, joking with you, it's... I like it,in fact, I do... But what you're asking me... I need some time... I haven't done this before, a relationship, a real relationship, and I just... I don't want to hurt you, or myself, so maybe... If I change my mind some time later, I'd love to be with you... But right now... It's a little, I don't know how to explain it..."

"Castiel, you," Dean takes a deep breath, his hand cupping Castiel's face, and Castiel can't help but lean into the touch, "I'm not forcing you, Cas. You don't need to justify why you don't want to be with me. But I'm just trying to have fun with this, trying to make you laugh, with these weird little gimmicks. If you ever feel like I've crossed a line, please tell me, and I'll stop. Okay?"

"Okay."  
Castiel says, voice a whisper, as he stares into Dean's eyes.

"Good. And oh, I saw you eat my chocolate the other day, before I left."

Dean grins, and Castiel simply laughs, as Dean pulls him into a light hug.

 _God, he's perfect_.

"I still hate you."  
Castiel rolls his eyes, jabbing his elbow into Dean's rib.

"Awh, you hurt my feelings, Castiel."  
Dean pouts, a playful glint in his eyes.

"Good."  
Castiel snorts, and fishes his phone from his pocket. Wait, it's three already? He needs to be at work by four, so he should probably head on home.

"Dean, I need to go home now. It's three already, and I have to work."

"So soon?"

Castiel simply shrugs, giving him an apologetic smile.

"Fine... Hey, want me to drop you?"

"Oh, no, I'll walk home."

"I don't mind dropping you, besides Sam said he'll take the bus. So..."

Castiel considers it. On one hand, he'd be getting closer to Dean, something he really doesn't want happening. He doesn't want any more feelings for the guy than he has now, but then again, he _will_ be closer to Dean.

_Wow, this is hard._

"Alright."

Castiel gives in, and Dean beams at him, as he grabs his hand and tugs him out of the park.

_Am I falling for Dean? Is he really making me fall in love with him? Or am I just falling on my own?_

_Who knows_... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what even is a posting schedule? but seriously some of the comments I got have really made me write more. gosh you guys are so sweet I might cry.


	4. Chapter 4

_Zzing._

The sound of his phone buzzing draws his attention, and Castiel looks down at his phone on the desk.

_Just a glance?_

He looks up at Professor Zachariah, his history professor as well as uncle, and sighs. The man's too busy explaining something on the white board, and the room is too dark for him to notice, especially with the light of the projector. His back is towards Castiel, so he decides to seize the moment and check his phone. 

**1 new message**.

Castiel opens his messages app, hiding his phone slightly against his bench, as he taps.

_> > pain in my ass xp : have a surprise for you today at library._

_< < me : Not again._

_> >pain in my ass xp : hehehe_

_< <me: What is it?_

_> >pain in my ass xp : wouldn't be surprise if I told u_

_< < me: Whatever. I'm in class._

_> > pain in my ass xp : focus on your class then u naughty boy_

_< < me: Don't call me that._

_> > pain in my ass xp : why??? i know u like it ;)_

_< < me : Bye._

_> > pain in my ass xp : okay sorry no come back no naughty boy_

_> > pain in my ass xp : or maybe focus on ur class_

_> > pain in my ass xp : byee_

Castiel shakes his head and a light smile tugs at his lips. He snorts, and puts his phone away, unless Zach catches him. No matter how hard he tries, he can't will his smile away.

It's Valentine's Day, and truth be told, he was expecting Dean to do something for him today. He's not going to get cocky, but being the centre of Dean's attention feels great. It's validating, for starters, and the way Dean looks at him? Like he's the centre of the universe? Castiel couldn't ask for more.

It's true, they've been getting closer for the past few days. They exchanged numbers, and now, they can't stop texting each other. Sometimes it's random things Dean will see and send to Castiel, telling him it reminds Dean of him, like a certain book, or a flower, or a beehive, and Castiel does the same. It's a little game they play. Not to mention the endless bickering that always takes place, even unintentionally.

They haven't met in a few days, not since Dean dropped Castiel home after their walk in the park. Is that Castiel's surprise? Is Dean going to show up at the library with more chocolates? God, Castiel hopes not. He already has enough at home.

A few metres away from him, Professor Zach is on about the Pearl Harbor and it's significance in modern day Literature, but Castiel is too lost to notice.

 _What is the surprise? Has Dean arranged some new antic? Oh god, no, nothing public, I hope. I'd hate if it was something public_.

Castiel sighs, and glances down at his watch. Still about fifteen minutes left. Gosh, when will this class be over? Castiel slumps in his seat and chews on the end of his pen.

 _Dean_.

 _Beautiful, stupid Dean_.

Hands on the desk, head in said hands and a lopsided grin on his face, Castiel stares off into the distance.

He can't help but think of Dean. Of his voice. His smile, the way his lips twitch when he's refraining himself from laughing; the way he squeezes his eyes shut when laughing too hard, or the way his lips naturally curve into a smile when he's looking at Castiel.

It's the little things, Castiel wonders, that make Dean special. And truth be told, it feels nice to be pampered like this.

When the hell does this class get over? Castiel can't wait to dash into the library and look for Dean's surprise.

As he glances down at his watch, he realizes there's only about five minutes left.

He looks up, and the projector has already been shut off, and Zach is rambling on about some assignment, oh right, the one about their essays, not a problem, Castiel's done that already, so he doesn't mind ignoring Zach as he begins to put his books away.

"In a hurry, Mr. Novak?"

That bitch.

"Uh, no, sir, I just," Castiel takes a deep breath, "sorry, I thought class was over."

"And it is, don't worry, I'm as eager as you brats to go home."

Castiel rolls his eyes, and continues to pack, ignoring Zach's futile grumbling. The class begins to disperse, students flowing out of the door way, and Castiel glances at a few of his acquaintances, Meg and Hannah, who simply smile at him before leaving.

Excitement buzzes under his skin as he exits the class, heading straight to the campus gate and out, waving at a few friends as he dashes out. The lane towards his library is a busy, lively street, with shops dotted all along. For as long as he can see, banners with red, teddy bears and chocolate advertisements adorn the streets.

Valentine's Day, he reminds himself, as he brisk walks towards the library, a smile on his face.

It's a few metres away, and Castiel jogs towards the gate, not bothering to shut the door, as he enters the library, and-

 _Holy freaking shit_.

As far as Castiel can see, bright red roses cover the shelves, especially at his desk in the library, covered in beautiful, crimson roses, the thick scent of roses floating through the air.

A loud pop behind him startles him, and before he knows it, there is confetti all over his hair and face, and he swivels around, only to meet Dean, standing with a party popper behind him.

Missouri laughs behind them, and part of Castiel wonders how she even let Dean pull something like this off in a goddamn library, but on second thought, he didn't really see anyone sitting there.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Castiel."  
Dean beams, and Castiel can't help but smile.

"You idiot."  
He sighs, and Castiel really doesn't know what comes over him in that moment, but one moment he's a heartbeat away from crying, and the other moment he's pulling Dean in for a crushing hug.

"Oh-"  
Dean gasps, before he's being enveloped by Castiel latching onto him.

"Alright now, we're in public."  
Dean jokes, and Castiel pulls away, punching his shoulder as he chews on his bottom lip.

"Like my surprise?"

Castiel can't answer him.

He turns, eyes roaming all over the room.

Roses for as long as he can see, rose petals scattered along the floor, accompanied by confetti, a thick, colourful bouquet of roses on his desk, with a little note attached.

 _Roses are red,_  
 _Grass is green,_  
 _Castiel Novak,_  
 _Will you go out with me_?

Castiel turns, eyes meeting Dean's, who looks at him expectantly, eyes wandering down to the note and back up to Castiel.

"Dean... I... I thought I told you the other day. My answer."

"Yeah, but you didn't stop me from doing something like this."  
Dean chuckles, and Castiel slumps.

"I... As much as I love this, Dean, I just... Feel like I'm wasting your time..."

"Castiel Novak, you take that back. Nothing I ever do, especially for you, will ever be a waste of my time."  
Dean crosses over the distance to him, towering over him as he smiles.

"Really?"

"Really. Oh uh, I'm thinking of taking up poetry, as a full time job now."  
Dean sniggers, taking the note from Castiel's hands and glancing at it.

"Yeah?"  
Castiel scoffs, eyebrows raised and arms folded against his chest.

"Yeah. Oh, here's another one, but this is a little N. S. F. W., you sure you wanna hear?"  
Dean grins, and Castiel tries to refrain the smile that tugs at the corner of his lips.

"Sure, how bad could it be."  
He shrugs, as Dean leans down, ghosting his lips over Castiel ears.

"Roses are red. Violets are blue. Poems are hard. Just let me fuh-"

"Dean."  
Castiel sighs, before pushing Dean away with an exasperated roll of his eyes, the smile on his lips doing nothing to convey his seriousness.

"You didn't even let me finish."

"Get out of here."

"Uh, no, I can't."

"What?"

"I'm not allowed to leave until I clean, according to Missouri, or she will, quote-unquote 'whoop my dumbass'."  
Dean states, only causing Castiel to laugh out louder.

A finger brushes against Castiel's jaw, and he blinks his eyes open, only to meet Dean's deep green ones. Castiel's lips part, wanting to defend himself, but he's unable to say absolutely anything, especially when Dean leans down, licking his lips expectantly, eyes shutting on their own accord.

_He's going to kiss you._

_No._

"Dean-"  
Castiel steps back, pushing Dean back with the tip of his fingers, putting a good space between them.

_Should've kissed him._

_No, he deserves better than you._

Dean breathes and pulls away, his shoulders slumping, dejected, as he drops his head in the space between them with dismay.

"Sorry."

He takes a deep breath and gives Castiel an emotionless smile, as he turns away, heading over to rip off one of the banners.

"Dean? Dean."

Castiel starts, but Dean simply moves away, a hoarse _yeah_ from his side is all Castiel gets, as the other man begins gathering the roses.

 _You hurt him. You're playing with his feelings and you know it_.

"Dean?"  
Castiel crosses over to where Dean is standing, helping him pluck off some of the roses in the decoration.

"Yeah?"

A pause.

"I know you... I know what you want from me, but I've told you, I-"

"You're not ready, I know. And I respect that. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me."

Another pause.

"Please don't apologize. I'm sorry. You're wasting all your time on me and I'm not even worth-"

"Cas, I told you, you're not wasting my time, okay? Now shut up and help me rip these off."

As true as Dean sounds, Castiel just can't convince himself.

_You're wasting Dean's time. His efforts. You're playing with the feelings of a wonderful man. He doesn't deserve someone like you. He deserves way better. You should stay away from him, if you want him to be happy. Dean will be so much more happy with someone who is prettier, thinner, and appreciates him. Someone who knows how to work a relationship. Someone who knows how to keep someone as precious as him happy._

_And you, Cas, you just don't fit the bill._

"I'm sorry."  
Castiel mutters, not quite sure whether it's for Dean or for himself, but Dean's gone, he's moved away, far away from Castiel, and busied himself with work.

 _See? He doesn't want to be with you anymore, either_.

Castiel glances at him, before turning back to plucking out the roses on the shelves.

He looks back to see Dean, not bothering to spare Castiel a glance, and absently, Castiel breaks off a petal of the rose in his hands.

_He loves me._

_He loves me not._

_He loves me._

_He loves me not._

_He loves me._

_He loves me not._

_He loves me._

_Oh._

_He loves me._

It makes Castiel smile, and he steals a glance at Dean, before pocketing the rose petals.

If it were so easy to decide if someone loved you or not, not a single person on earth would be lonely, Castiel muses.

_He loves me._

_But now?_ _Maybe less. Maybe not._


	5. Chapter 5

The harsh February air is cold, although lesser than the months before, perfect to stay at home and drink a nice mug of cocoa in, yet, sitting alone on a bus stop, alone and alarmed, with nothing but a sweater to keep you warm is one way Castiel does not expect to spend his evening. 

A few cars zoom past, none paying attention to Castiel. There is no sight of the bus yet, and only a few meters away, around the street corners, does Castiel see movement of people. 

He's not the type to typically be afraid of loneliness, rather he quite well appreciates it, however, he'd give anything to not be alone now. He prays the bus comes sooner, although it seems to have been delayed by a few minutes. 

And if the bus doesn't come, he's going to have to walk almost five miles back home, and in this weather? Please, he'd rather freeze under the bus stand. 

Right as he's considering his odds, a car comes into view. A very familiar car. No, no, hold on, it can't be. 

Baby? 

Is that Baby? Dean's car? 

Or is it just a lookalike? He would tell off the license plate, but he doesn't remember Dean's, so it's a little hard to say. 

No sooner does that thought fade away, that the car stop, albeit a few feet away from him, as if it had a second thought. The window rolls down, but Castiel doesn't approach the car. 

At least not untile he hears the familiar sound of Dean's deep, whiskey voice.

"Cas?"

"Dean?"  
He asks in reply, and the car reverses, halting right in front of him until Dean's vibrant young face comes into his view. 

"What are you doing here?"

"Waiting for the- the bus..."  
Castiel's lips quiver, the cold making it harder to speak. 

"The bus? Castiel, the freeway is jammed with snow, I don't think the bus is going to make it."

"I have to go home."  
He answers, and Dean leans out the window, peeking back at something, the road, may be, before reaching to his side and unlocking the passenger seat door. 

"Get in, Cas, you're coming with us."

Us? Who else is in the car? Castiel doesn't peek inside, but he does consider refusing Dean, only to slap himself mentally. _Are you bonkers? Why would you refuse a lift back home, especially when you know the bus isn't going to make it?_

So Castiel nods, and slips into the passenger seat, only to be greeted with a loud yelp. 

"Hey Castiel!"

Castiel turns slightly, but he doesn't even need to, because the next moment, Sam Winchester is craning his neck ahead, beaming at Castiel. 

"Oh hi, Sam."  
Castiel smiles, and Sam leans back again, a steady silence washing over them, before Dean speaks up. 

"We were going to the Roadhouse, it's this cool place my aunt owns, there's burgers, booze, music- It's great, Cas, you wanna come?"  
Dean asks, and turns to Castiel for a moment. 

Castiel considers it. 

It's a Friday night, so he doesn't really have assignments to submit, and besides, it's been days since he saw Dean, and God... He misses Dean, simply everything about him, his laugh, his smile, his face, his smell. Part of Castiel just wants to burrow himself into Dean's jacket and stay there until he falls asleep. 

But he's also hungry, and burgers seem like a good option, if he's being honest. 

"Sure. You don't mind me being there?"  
Castiel asks, and Dean laughs, only making Castiel wonder what's funny. 

"Mind you? Being there? Castiel, I would love for you to be there. But, uh, just a lite heads up, some of my old friends are going to be there. Not a lot, about two or three, so I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

"Oh, uhm-"

"Actually you know what, those guys will love meeting you. You're coming with us, that okay? I'll drop you home later too, don't worry about that. Whatcha say?"

Castiel breathes in, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth before nodding. 

"Okay, I'll come."  
He smiles, and Dean grins, shifting closer to Castiel, quite subtly, if you ask him, but Castiel doesn't mind. He scoots closer, until his side is pressed up against Dean's. 

"Alright, cool, now, what were you doing out there by the way?"  
Dean slings an arm behind Castiel's neck and Castiel leans in to the touch on instinct, and sighs. 

"Had to work over time. A shipment got delayed."  
He answers, and Dean clicks his tongue. 

Dean is so warm. His jacket is so warm. He smells so good. So, so, so good. Like a spicy, cedar or pine scent, maybe from his cologne, the one he always wears. What if Castiel just leaned up and nuzzled his neck? What would Dean say? No, no, that would be too much. He'd be stepping over the line he's so meticulously tried to build. 

But... Dean is soft. Dean is warm. Need to cuddle. Need to kiss. 

_But I can't_. 

"That sucks, man. But at least I found you before it got too late, yeah?"  
Unbeknownst to the conflict within Castiel's mind, Dean asks, briefly glancing at Castiel. 

"Mmhmm."

"Hey, uhm, guys?"  
Sam pipes up from behind, and Castiel turns his head. 

"Yeah?"

Both Dean and Castiel answer in tandem, and Sam looks between them. Castiel wonders for a moment, if he knows about Dean and him. Does he think they're together? He doesn't quite have any reason to believe they aren't, not with how close they are pressed up against each other, and how they're both so comfortable in each other's company. 

Sometimes Castiel is thankful, even if he doesn't have Dean as a lover, he at least has him as a friend. And speaking of which, Dean will find someone better. Someone who's worthy of him, not a timid, cowardly man like Castiel, who doesn't know what he wants and continues to play with a person's feelings, but someone who is resolute and brave, someone who Dean will appreciate however they are. 

Someone who is perfect for Dean. 

"Are you guys dating?"

Dean laughs at Sam's question, while Castiel simply scoots away, pretending to ignore the confusion and guilt on Dean's face as his laugh fades into silence. 

"Uh, no, Sam. We're not dating. We're just friends."  
Dean says, and the longing, the regret in his voice, it's palpable enough to stab a knife though Castiel's chest. 

"Uhm... Can I ask... Why you're not dating?"

"Shut it, Sasquatch. Cas doesn't want to. And I'm not gonna force him, okay?"  
Dean barks, and his eyebrows draw in, his lips curling into a sad frown as he stares ahead at the road. 

Dean's angry. 

_You did that_ , Castiel's mind yells at him. _Just say yes to him, you'd make him so happy_ , it chimes, and Castiel wants to find a way to switch his mind off, but he can't, and he's considering banging his head on the window, when it chimes again, _you know you don't deserve him though, he deserves better._

"I'm sorry, Sam. It's just that... I'm not ready for a relationship right now. There's things, issues, I need to get hold of myself. And Dean obviously deserves someone better."

Castiel doesn't look back as he answers. He can't. Instead, he looks down at his fingers, fidgeting with his nails, until Dean makes an indignant sound, causing Castiel to look up at him. 

"I'm sorry, what did you say?"  
Dean asks, enunciating each word, disbelief lacing his words. 

"What?"  
Castiel shrugs, and looks away, out of the window, at the naked tree trunks, illuminated by the dazzling moonlight. 

"You think I _deserve_ better? You think you're not enough? Is that what all of this is about, I- fuck, are you out of your mind, Castiel?"  
Castiel can feel Dean turn to him, his wide eyes piercing into Castiel's back. 

"No, I mean, yes, but, I told you, I'm not ready."  
Castiel says, with such nonchalance, Dean laughs, a bitter, emotionless laugh. 

"You're kidding? You're kidding, right? All this time, I've been trying to tell you how much I like you, and you think you don't deserve me? Castiel, if I had the world's hottest, richest, heck, if I had to choose between you and David Beckham, I'd still choose you?!"  
Dean yells, eyes wide and glaring at Castiel, as if his words had impaled Dean with a wooden stake. 

He's overreacting, there's no need to be so angry. Dean knows deep down that he deserves better, _but he's simply settling for you Castiel, now that he can't even get rid of you._

"You're overreacting, Dean, I'm just saying what I feel."

"Oh, and you think I'm just going to let you say something like that? About yourself?"  
Dean snarls, and presses down on the gas pedal, speeding his way over thirty, almost grazing a truck, when Sam yells. 

"Okay enough! I'm sorry I ever asked. The road, Dean, could you watch the road?"

Sam sighs, and slumps back in his seat. 

A pause. Silence lingers heavy in the air. A tone of despair and guilt hangs heavy around the men, as Dean slows down until they're driving at an acceptable pace. 

Castiel doesn't look at him anymore. He simply stares outside the window at the world around them. Dean doesn't speak. Sam doesn't speak. 

_Look at that Castiel. You ruined their mood_.

Castiel bites down on his bottom lip, refraining it from quivering. Dean shifts away, and it feels like he's moved miles away, even when he's right here, as the cold air in the car takes his place. 

Around twenty minutes later, when they reach the Roadhouse, Dean is still not talking to Castiel. He answers with little hums, or nods, but nothing more. Sam, on the other hand, acts nothing out of the usual. Castiel and he talk about his law session at the library a few days ago, the one Missouri actually granted permission for. Besides that, things are as they were in the car. Hushed. 

The Roadhouse seems like a shabby, old joint from the outside, with its chipping wood exterior, a roof that needs to be fixed, and a parking lot that's close to non-existent. Sam, as if entering his own home, has already disappeared inside, leaving Dean alone with Castiel at the entrance. 

It's chilling outside, more so with the way Dean looks at him, hopeless and guilty, as if Castiel's insecurities and anxiety are somehow his fault, and not his own. There's faint music playing inside, the tunes drifting out where Castiel is standing, and the aroma of beer, rum, whiskey, mingled with fried chicken, and cheese wafts through the air. 

"Castiel? Can we talk?"

Castiel holds his breath as Dean tugs at his wrist. 

"Sure. What's up?"

"What's up? What the fuck was that back there? In the car?"

 _Oh no. Castiel does not like this_.

"What do you mean?"

Play it cool, play it cool, play it cool. 

"What do I mean? Don't pretend like you don't know what you were saying. What, me? Deserving better? Own issues? To solve? What the fuck, Castiel?"  
Dean says the words with such disgust, it sends shards of glass piercing through Castiel's chest, and he looks down, unable to meet Dean's eyes. 

"I'm just... Saying what's true..." Castiel swallows thick, the air around him chiller than he remembers it being, and usually, Dean's presence would warm it, but now? He doesn't count on it. 

Dean lets out a heavy sigh, and turns away, leaning forward against the bonnet of his car, clasping a hand over his forehead, dragging it down his mouth and chin, before punching it into the black metal of his car. 

Castiel jumps back, flinching at the sound, a shiver running down his spine. 

"You fucker..."  
Dean breathes out, shaking his head as he turns back to Castiel. 

Green eyes fix onto Castiel's, deep green, filled with guilt and hurt, and Castiel wishes somehow, he could reach inside Dean and soothe him.

 _Not when you're the one troubling him_ , his mind reminds, so he averts his gaze, anywhere but at Dean. 

Warm fingers touch his chin, tilting it up until he's staring back into the pool of green eyes. Dean's lips twitch at the corner, as if considering whether to smile or not. 

"Castiel, how hard do I try? I know you said we could be friends, but please, I can't stand it, I really can't. I can't stand the thought of knowing you, and not being able to love you the way I want to."  
Dean says, and Castiel's breath hitches in his throat. 

_Did he just... Did he just say..._

"You know, these past few weeks, more than a month now, the more I've gotten to know you, the more I've been falling, Castiel. So please, just tell me, straight to my face, yes or no? Do you want me or not? Because this shit is hurting me, okay? And you know damn right, it is."

Dean pauses to take a breath, his hand falling away as he stares at Castiel, soft eyes now rigid, warm smile now a quivering frown. 

"Dean, I..."

 _How do I even say this._

"I do want you. I want you more and more, everyday, okay? But I don't know how this whole dating thing works? I don't know if I'll be able to keep you happy. Say, fifteen days down the line, do you think I'll still be fun to date? Give it a month, do you think it'll work out?"

Dean shakes his head, moving closer to Castiel, cradling his jaw with delicate fingers. 

"Things don't work themselves out, Castiel, we gotta make 'em work. And speaking of my happiness, that ain't your job, man. You're a part of my happiness, but you're not liable to keep my happy. All I want to know, is are you, or are you not willing to give this a shot? To give us a shot?"

Castiel halts. Dean makes a good point. But it's too big of a decision to be made in the musty parking lot of a shabby old Roadhouse. 

"Let me think about it, please."

"How much more time, Castiel? I'll wait, I don't mind, but at least tell me when it ends."  
Dean says, his pain reflecting right through his words. 

Castiel sighs. 

_Fuck. Why does this have to be so hard? Why does falling in love have to be so hard? Why can't it be all mushy and easy like the movies? And yet, Dean tries so hard to make it beautiful, all for Castiel, and what does Castiel do? Play with the man's feelings instead of making a definite decision like a normal, functional human being._

"I... Don't know."

It's barely a whisper. Castiel's never felt this vulnerable before. 

He looks down at his cold hands, feeling much smaller than he is, as he bows his head down in shame. Why is he ashamed? He doesn't even know. 

He half expects Dean to touch his face again, like he did before, and he's ready for a broad, warm hand to cradle his face, and for bright green eyes to gaze into his with an assuring smile. 

Instead, Dean walks away. 

He walks right away. 

It's poetic, if Castiel's being honest, how he's walking away from Castiel, walking away from the hope that Dean gives Castiel, walking away from the love that's been blossoming between them. 

Castiel can't move for a second. Goosebumps dot down his arms, and the cold breeze crawls down between the gaps in his cardigan, like a shard of glass slicing down his skin.   
He stays frozen, and yet from the corner of his eyes, he can see Dean waiting for him. 

With shaky legs and numb hands, Castiel makes his way over to Dean. They don't say anything. Dean doesn't even acknowledge his presence, except for when he begins to walk inside, knowing Castiel would follow him in. 

The Roadhouse is much warmer than the cold, merciless air outside, and surprisingly better than the outside. The walls aren't as chipped, there's a pool table, a nice wide bar with lovely ladies and men tending to them, groups of me and women laughing and chattering. Paintings and taxidermy stag heads adorn the walls, and comfortable chairs and tables are scattered around. 

Castiel's eyes wander up in the direction Dean is walking towards, and he notices a woman, with bright red hair flowing around her shoulders, accompanied by a burly, gruff looking man with a thick stubble and tattoos. Sam is sitting right next to them, chatting about something avidly, and upon noticing Dean's arrival, the woman jumps up. 

"Dean-o!"  
She squeals, and wraps her arms around Dean's neck, pulling him down in a crushing hug. 

"Hey Red."  
Dean chuckles, and for what seems like after ages, Castiel sees Dean smile, a wholehearted smile. At least he's happier than before, and that's better. It makes Castiel smile, and if it weren't for Sam staring at him, with an inscrutable emotion, Castiel would've kept the smile on his face, but it fades at last, and he watches with a blank face as the burly man hugs Dean as well. 

Inevitably, after they've all finished hugging each other, all eyes fall upon Castiel. 

"And who's this fine specimen?"  
The redhead whistles with a playful smile, and it almost makes Castiel grin. 

Dean doesn't hesitate, but his voice isn't as enthusiastic as it would usually be if one were introducing their lover to their friends. 

But then again, Dean and Castiel aren't lovers, are they? They're friends. Just friends. _And whose fault is that?_

"This is, uh, Castiel. He's my best friend. Cas, this is Charlie, she's a huge geek, you'll probably bond with her and all, and this big fella right here, is Benny, my other best friend."

Charlie smiles at him, and waves a hello, while Benny reaches for a handshake.   
"I'm the original best friend, just saying, the irreplaceable one."  
He says, and Castiel's face falls. Surely he doesn't think Castiel is trying to put a wall between the friends, does he? 

Charlie simply smacks the back of Benny's head, earning an exaggerated 'ow!'

"He's joking. Don't let him intimidate you."  
She says, scooting to let Castiel settle down next to her, as Dean sits right across, side to side with Benny. Castiel smiles softly, and nods. 

"Alright."

"So... Dean," Charlie starts, a smug grin on her face, "Is this the same ' _Cas_ ' that you've been gushing about for the past month?"  
Charlie snickers, and Castiel feels his cheeks heat up. Looks like Dean is somewhere on the same page, glaring at Charlie with hot cheeks. 

"Shut up, I haven't done that."

"Oh, I'll be the judge of that, brother."  
Benny sniggers, and Charlie high-fives him, while Sam grins at them. 

"You guys are insufferable."  
Dean deadpans, and Benny bumps his shoulder. 

"You still love us."

"Unfortunately."  
Dean breaks into a soft grin, and something about how the three of them interact, as if part of a family, warms Castiel's heart. 

"So, Cas, what do you do?"  
Charlie turns to Castiel, propping her head on her hand as she speaks to him. 

"Oh, I'm doing my masters in Literature."

"Ooh, literature, interesting. How did you meet Dean?"

"Uhm... " Castiel dares to look at Dean, but he isn't looking back, no, he's ignoring Castiel on purpose, and Castiel's smile falters. 

"We uh, we met at the library, where I work part time."

"If I'm not wrong, you didn't even know Dean existed until he asked you out, right?"

"Uh, yes."

"That's kind of funny, actually. 'Cause you know, Dean would always tell me about this cute guy at the library that he was crushing on, and here you finally are. And man, for the first time, Dean actually has some taste."  
Charlie says, unabashedly raking her eyes over Castiel's body. 

Castiel smiles, eyes fixed onto Dean. As if sensing them on himself, Dean looks up. Castiel wonders if everyone on the table can see the hurt in his eyes, or if it's just him. Either way, it doesn't make Castiel feel any better about himself. 

"Yeah. I'm here."  
He mutters, and looks away. 

He wonders if Charlie can tell if something's wrong between the Dean and he, but the thought is pushed away when a blonde woman saunters up to them with a notepad in her hand. 

"Hey guys."  
She smiles bright, eyes wandering over the group, and Charlie grins at her. 

"Hey babe."  
She greets, and Castiel looks between the two of them. _Babe_?

"Hey, Charles. And Ben, and Dean, Sammy, and who's this?"  
She asks, eyes fixed onto Castiel. 

"Uh, hi."  
Castiel says, right when he's cut off by Charlie. 

"Jo, this is Castiel, Dean's... Friend."  
Charlie teases, and Castiel understands why he calls his friends insufferable. 

"Oh hi, Cas. I'm Jo, my mamma runs this place, so that kind of makes me Dean's half-sister."

Oh, they're related? Interesting.

Castiel smiles at her, a polite smile, before she moves onto the others. 

"So, what're you going to h-"

"Jo?!"  
The heavy voice of a woman rings through the joint, and all eyes fix onto the short, broad woman who makes her way over to their table. She's got straight brown hair, and despite a few wrinkles, she looks beautiful, certainly must have had numerous admirers in her youth, Castiel muses, but there's also something strict and tough about her, like she could yell and quieten down a stadium filled of people. 

"Ellen!"  
Dean exclaims, and the woman wraps him in a hug, kissing his forehead. 

Wow, okay. These Winchesters are very open with their affection. Castiel doesn't think his Aunt Amara would ever do that to him, kiss his forehead or even hug him for longer than two seconds. 

"Hey baby."   
She greets, her heavy voice ringing with motherly affection. A streak of longing grips Castiel, and for a few moments, he wishes to be able to hold his mother as well. But he knows she's safe, wherever she is in Heaven. After all, someone who believes so wholeheartedly in it, deserves to stay there after death. 

This woman, Ellen, she looks slightly distraught as she catches up with Dean's friends, and being the perfect man that he is, of course he questions her about it. 

"There was this gig we were supposed to have tonight, some live music, you know, so Jo invited a band to perform, and the drums and the guitars are all here, but the guys, the vocalists and all, they're stuck in traffic. Roads are jammed with snow and they won't be able to make it here for another hour."  
Ellen explains. 

"Oh, really? Didn't know you did live gigs, but uhm, isn't there anyone else you can call?"  
Charlie pipes up, and Ellen shakes her head. 

"Naw, sweetheart, nobody's available. Tried calling a couple people, but either they can't make it through the snow, or they're busy."  
She sighs, and shakes her head. 

"The audience are getting jittery too. That's what they came for, most of them at least." 

"You have the guitar?"  
Dean asks, after having been oddly silent for a while. 

"Yeah, it's in the back."

Charlie gasps, and whips her head towards Dean. 

"You should play, Dean!"  
She squeals, and murmurs of agreement rise up from the crowd, all except Ellen and Castiel. 

Dean can play the guitar? That's... Nice. It suits him.

Would Dean have played to him if they were dating? Castiel wouldn't really be averse to the idea of sitting with Dean, doing nothing all day but listening to him play. Does he also sing? His voice surely is beautiful, rough, but smooth around the edges, and Castiel believes he'd love to listen to Dean speak all day. 

"You should sing, Dean, you haven't sang for us in ages!"  
Jo complains, and Dean brushes her off with a wave of his hand and a shy blush. 

"No guys, no, no, I was just-"

A swarm of disagreements shoot at Dean, and he blushes harder, waving his friends' pleas off with reluctance. 

"Please, Dean. I'd love to hear you sing."  
Castiel says, trying to join in the chatter. 

The chatter dies. Silence falls over them, and expectant eyes look between Castiel and Dean, but Castiel can't be less bothered about their company, not when Dean is looking at him as if he's the only one in there. 

"Please?"

Dean's breath hitches, the sound of him gasping almost audible, and he looks up at Ellen, then back down at Castiel. 

"Ellen, what do you think?"

Dean asks, and she smiles down at him. 

"You know I love it when you sing, baby."

She says, placing her hands on her hips. 

Dean breathes in, and rubs a palm over his mouth in consideration. 

With a heavy sigh and a glint of determination in his eyes, he finally speaks up. 

"Fine. I'll sing. I'll do the gig."


	6. Chapter 6

"Fine. I'll sing. I'll do the gig."

The chatter starts again, loud shouts and pleas for Ellen to let him sing. Castiel joins in, trying to persuade her to let Dean sing, but a few moments later, Ellen shouts, the hoots and cheers die down.

She sighs, and claps Dean's shoulder.

"I'll go get the guitar."

The crowd around him erupts into a cheer, and Castiel can't help but smile. Watching Dean sing will surely be a treat. What will he sing though? Castiel knows Dean listens to mostly classic rock, so an acoustic version of one of those? Something by Led Zeppelin? Kansas? Who knows, he'll just have to wait and watch.

"What will you sing?"  
Sam asks, and Dean looks up at him, his eyes drifting briefly over to Castiel, before he smiles.

"Still thinking about it."

"Zeppelin?"

"Maybe. I don't know."

"Sing for Castiel!"  
Charlie squeals, and they break into a hoot, loud ' _oooh's_ filling the air. Castiel blushes, his cheeks heating up as he looks away. Dean looks away as well, pink tinting his cheeks, down to the tip of his cute little nose, Castiel notices when he steals a glance.

"Naw, naw, I'm not, I'm not going to sing for- for Cas."  
Dean pushes himself up on his feet, scooting out of the seat, as Jo disappears into the kitchen with a light peck on Charlie's cheek.

Dean straightens, avoiding Castiel's eyes on purpose, as he takes his jacket off and hands it to Benny, proceeding to roll his sleeves up to his elbow. He's searching for someone, and Castiel turns to follow the direction Dean's eyes are trailing towards.

Ellen sneaks out of a door at the corner of the room, a guitar slung over her shoulder, covered with its thick black cover, and walks over to their table.

"Here ya' go."  
She grins and hands the guitar over to Dean, who unzips it, and glances inside.

"It's tuned, hopefully."

"I can give you five more minutes before you perform, okay?"

Dean simply smiles at his aunt, and at the rest of his group, surprising also Castiel, before he nods at them and begins to back away.

"See you in a minute, losers."  
He snickers, and Benny and Charlie laugh, engrossed in a conversation of their own, as Sam turns to Castiel.

"He's going to sing for you, I just have a feeling he is."  
Sam grins, and Castiel smiles.

"That would be lovely, but we're not exactly on the best terms right now, so that seems a little unlikely."

"Oh yeah, I mean to ask, of course, I'm not prying, and I'd never want to-"

"Just ask me, Sam, you're my friend."

"Well uh, okay... Did you guys fight? After I'd left?"

"I wouldn't so much call it a fight, more so an argument."

Castiel says and presses the can of diet coke to his lips to take a long, full sip of the drink.  
___

The lights dim around them. Bright yellow dimming into dark ochre, the only bright, white light fixed above where Dean sits on a barstool, his guitar set on his thighs, as he taps the mic.

 _It's beautiful_ , Castiel muses. There's an underlying vibe in the air, a careless, frivolous atmosphere around Dean's friends and he. The smell of fries and chicken, mixed prominently with the strong smell of alcohol- beer, rum, whisky, along with the cool conditioning inside, keeps him pleasant, if not for the fact that he's managed, although barely, to uplift Dean's mood.

"Hey. I'm Dean."  
All eyes drift to Dean, as he squeaks into the microphone. Poor baby, he's probably not used to performing in front of all these people.

He leans away from the mic and clears his throat, his eyes darting over numerous faces in the crowd, before settling onto Castiel's. Castiel sends him a soft smile, hoping- no, praying- it would help calm him.

 _Breathe in, breathe out, Dean_ , he wants to say, but he also knows that Dean is a man, a grown man who can take care of himself.

"So, I'm going to sing for you guys tonight... And... Uhm, it's for someone special in this crowd."  
Dean says and grins. Someone in the crowd hoots, and even from a distance, Castiel notes the pink tint on Dean's face.

Against his own will, Castiel smiles wide, and all at once, it's too hot in here. He can almost feel Charlie and Benny's eyes pierce into his skin, and if that wasn't embarrassing enough, Sam bumps his shoulder with a smug grin.

Castiel brushes them off with a reluctant shake of his head, and lifted his gaze to meet Dean's. However, Dean's eyes are focused on his guitar, his fingers, holding a pick between them, brush against the strong of the guitars.

" _You're just too good to be true..._ "

Castiel's breath hitches. Not this song.

" _Can't take my eyes off of you_ ,"

Dean has to be joking, right? And this, this is supposed to be for Castiel?

" _You'd be like heaven to touch, I want to hold you so much..._ "

Castiel finds himself transfixed. Absolutely spellbound.

" _At long last love has arrived, and I thank God I'm alive._ "

Dean looks up at the audience, and Castiel is impressed by his ability to play the guitar and sing along.

" _You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you.._."

His eyes skim over the crowd, over his friends with a grin, settling at last upon Castiel.

His smile vanishes as he sings, instead replaced with a more affectionate gaze.

At this point, when Dean looks at him like that, still singing, Castiel feels invincible. Nothing can touch him. Nothing can touch Dean.

At that moment, it's just them, no body else around.

But then Dean shuts his eyes, and leans futher away from the mic, only to belt his heart out.

" _I love you, baby, and if it's quite all right,_  
_I need you, baby, to warm the lonely nights..._  
_I love you, baby..._ "  
Each word he sings is beautiful, a peculiar sultry edge to it, as he blinks his eyes open, leaning closer to the mic, eyes peering into Castiel's.

_God, do I love him? Or do I not... I've only known him for a little over a month, and yet I can't help but fall for him harder, every single day..._

Castiel is pulled out of his thoughts when Dean continues singing.  
_"Trust in me when I say..."_

_I trust you, Dean._

" _Oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down, I pray, oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay, and let me love you, baby, let me love you..._ "

His eyes shut when he belts again, his eyebrows scrunching together as the song flows past his lips, with such grace and ease, as if it were only written to be sung by Dean.

Castiel can't stop smiling. It's obvious why.

Dean sings the first verse again, this time with a sweet smile to accompany his gaze.

He looks down at his guitar, singing the easier verse with absolute ease, before he reaches the last lyric of the verse, and Castiel already knows he's going to belt again.

" _I love you, baby, and if it's quite all right_  
_I need you, baby, to warm the lonely nights..._ "

Dean points vaguely at Castiel, and Castiel forgets what breathing is.

" _I love you, baby, trust in me when I say, oh, pretty baby, don't bring me down I pray..._ "

Dean leans back to sing louder, and oh- oh damn, he has a really strong voice, huh.

" _Oh, pretty baby, now that I found you, stay, and let me love you, baby, let me love you..._ "

With a smile, and a final brush of his fingers against the strings of his guitar, Dean finishes, and opens his shut eyes to gouge the audience's reaction.

"Thank you."  
He mutters into the mic.

A pause, and then the room is filled with applause, thunderous and well-deserved, as Dean chuckles, pulling the strap of the guitar over his head and holding it by the neck as he stands, laughs, and does a mock bow, before walking away.

Castiel watches Ellen pat him on the back, whisper something in his ear, something that makes him smile wide, and then he's walking into the back room, but not before glancing over at their table.

His eyes meet Castiel's, and he sends him a wink, which has Castiel smiling, the heat in his cheeks spreading over to the back of his neck, as Dean disappears into the room.

"This is the part where you say, 'you were right, Sam'."  
Sam bumps Castiel's shoulder with a shit-eating grin, and the table falls into an easy silence.

"Yes, you were right, Sam."  
Castiel says, holding his hands up in defeat. He picks at a cold fry on the table and bites into it to avoid any further conversation.

"So, Castiel, how are you not dating him yet? I mean, look, I'm gay, and in a committed relationship, but look, if a guy did that for me, fuck it, I'm marrying him."  
Charlie squeals, grabbing the fries and shoving some in her mouth.

This is the part that makes Castiel go hot all over.

"I'm uh, I don't know..."

"Look, you can't say it's because you don't like Dean, because all of us have eyes, and the way you look at him is more than convincing that you are just as gone on him as he is on you."  
Benny pipes in, sipping on a his beer, since he's old enough to drink.

"Well, uhm... It's hard to explain... There's just things about myself... That I'm not willing to speak about... That hold me back."  
Castiel sighs, and Charlie places an endearing hand on his back. He doesn't mean to lean into the touch, yet he feel himself scoot closer to her.

"Hey, we've all been there, darling. But if it's got anything to do with thinking you don't deserve him, I'm gonna tell you straight up that you're wrong. You gotta see yourself from his eyes. Or at least try to. If you can't accept yourself as you are, you won't be able to accept anyone."

Castiel looks up at Charlie. She can't be older than him or Dean, and yet the maturity in her words, the emotions, the acceptance, it makes Castiel feel loved. Here she is, a stranger he's met not more than an hour ago, teaching him something so invaluable.

"I guess..."  
Castiel smiles, and they return to the conversation on the table, Sam speaking about some new girl on campus.

"Who are you talking about?"  
Charlie pipes up, and Benny and Sam share a hesitant look, between Castiel and themselves.

"Uh, no one."

"Oh, come on, don't leave us out."  
Charlie pouts, and claps Benny on the back.

"Uh... Lisa."

"Lisa? As in... Dean's ex, Lisa?"

Benny and Sam glare at Charlie.

Castiel clearly notices, as Charlie side-glances at Castiel, before realization dawns upon her face.  
So, Lisa, huh.

"Who's Lisa?"  
Castiel asks, knowing well the three of them are reluctant to talk about it, hence trying to draw out more information about her. He's not going to give up until he knows everything about this Lisa. Dean's ex. How was she? How did she look? How did she act? How old is she? Where is she now? What does she do?

"Uhm... She's Dean's ex-girlfriend... And uh, to put it simply, things kinda ended rough between them."

Castiel's face scrunches into one of confusion.

"Rough?"

"I don't think it's our place to tell you-"

"It's alright, I won't tell Dean you told me."

"But..."

"Hey, I'm not gonna snitch. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?"  
Castiel shrugs, sipping his diet coke, as Sam, Benny and Charlie share a nervous look.

He pretends not to notice.

"Well..." Charlie sighs, and though Benny shakes his head at Charlie, she continues.

"She cheated on him. He was uhm, he was pretty deep in love with her. And I mean, completely gone. Until around an year and half ago, he was... Well, how do I put it, he was straight-up ready to propose to her, with a ring, flowers, all that. And then she cheated on him. With some douchebag. Dean was devastated. And Castiel, before he met you, before he saw you, he was just... He wouldn't even talk to us. Always kept quiet, swore he'd never love anyone like that, so strong and devotional... It's kind of why we're so enthusiastic about you and him. Because for the first time in a really long while, we've seen our best friend happy."  
Charlie concludes with a sigh, and for a moment, Castiel can't respond.

No way. No fucking way.

Somebody cheated on Dean Winchester? The most perfect, amazing, selfless human being Castiel had ever seen?

_Hope that bitch is rotting in hell._

Castiel flinches outwardly at his own vulgar thought, and chastises himself, shaking his head and turning towards the rest of his friends.

"Well, what about her?"

"She uh, she took up a job at out UNI. The same position as Dean, just a different subject. Business studies, I guess."  
Sam says, grabbing some of his salad and chomping down on it.

"Oh... Lisa... Lisa what?"

"Braeden."  
Benny prompts, and Charlie nods in agreement.

Hmm... Interesting.

"So... Dean was... Not well before he started interning?"

"Not well is a mild word, Castiel. He was going through a full on depressive episode. And trust me, I witnessed every single bit. Even the parts where he'd lie and say he was going grocery shopping and then go cry in his car."  
Sam says, his voice low.

Castiel is... Speechless.

This certainly changes things.

If nothing, he knows now, for sure, that Dean really does like him.

"How long were they together for?

" Around four years. Since he was twenty."

"Oh..."

Finding out your girlfriend of four years is cheating on you, especially when you dream of a long life ahead with her, that must've hurt an awful lot, Castiel supposes.

"Yeah."

"This certainly... Changes a few things..."  
Castiel murmurs, mostly to himself.

"Really? Like what?"  
Charlie asks, and he meets her eyes, a soft sympathetic look in them.

"Like the fact that I value not only his affection, but even his friendship more dearly now."

"You should give him a chance, Cas, guys like Dean, they're rare to find."  
Charlie strokes his back, and Benny simply empties the remnants of his beer bottle, still nodding along to Charlie's words.

This again. He wants Dean. More than anything. But is he really worth him?

"Charlie... Am I really enough? There has to be something I need to change, right?"  
Castiel asks, cringing at the helplessness in his own voice.

Charlie simply shoves his shoulder and glares at him, causing him to cry out.

"Ow! ? What was that for?"

"I totally gave you a good thirty second lecture on how you have to stop fucking doubting yourself, and clearly, you haven't retained a bit. You just broke my heart, Castiel."

"Please don't say that, I don't want more guilt on my conscience."  
Castiel mutters softly, clearly taking Charlie aback as she falters.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry I was kidding, I mean not about the self-worth thing, just the uhm, broke my heart thing."

Castiel doesn't respond, he only nods, and before he can speak up, someone shuffles back to their table with a loud hey.

Of course, it's Dean.

"Hey fellers, what are we talking 'bout? Y'all look serious as heck, B. T. W."  
Dean cracks, grabbing some fries and shoving them in his face, unbothered by how cold they've gone.

"Uh, nothing, just how soulful you sang."  
Castiel is surprisingly the quickest to defend them, and Dean locks his eyes with Castiel's, a pink tint creeping down his neck.

"Really? I thought it was a little pitchy, was it?"

"No, it was wonderful, Dean. Really. And you know I don't lie."

"Right."  
Dean fixes Castiel with a narrow gaze, and Castiel simple mimics the expression back to him, with a teasing grin, only riling Dean up, and he finally gives in, breaking into a small smile.

"After this, you're gonna sing here all the time, okay? That shit was amazing, Dean-o."  
Charlie says, eyes widening to emphasize her words. Benny hums in agreement, while Sam simply smiles.

"What can I say, darling, I was born to be a star."  
Dean jokes, raising his voice in a teasing manner, earning a flying fry to his face from Charlie.

The table laughs, although the remnants of their earlier conversation hangs heavy in the air. Castiel notices Ellen approaching from the corner of the room, and they all turn to her.

"I know I told you already, but baby, that was beautiful. Almost like you were actually in love."  
Ellen jokes, and inevitably, all eyes drift to Castiel, including Dean's.

"Uh, heh, you could say so, I guess."  
Dean, modest as always, rubs the back of his neck and grins, and Castiel can see that he clearly tries to avoid the other's eyes.

The table falls silent for a moment, before Castiel glances down at his watch, and Dean, having caught the action, speaks up.

"I think we should call it a day, yeah?"

Charlie stretches, and mutters something as she yawns, while Benny reaches for his wallet. Sam sighs out loud, and Castiel simply nods.

"We should."

"Great. Sam, Cas, y'all are coming with me. Charlie, Benny, need a lift anywhere?"

"No brother, that's alright. I'll drop this one on the way."  
Benny tips his head in Charlie's direction, before keeping some dollar bills under a glass of water. Castiel reaches for his own wallet, but a hand swats his away, and he looks up at Dean, rather befuddled.

"Hell no, I'm not letting you pay. Just get your ass moving, I got it."

"No, please, you don't need to, I'll pay-"

"Consider this my treat. Come on now."  
Dean dons his boyish grin and bumps Castiel's shoulder. Truthfully, Castiel is glad Dean is in a better mood.

"Alright. Only if you let me pay next time."

"Fine. Whatever."  
Dean snickers and shakes his head as he slides out of the booth and moves towards the exit.

They bid Ellen goodnight, and then Dean's gang parted ways with them, leaving Sam and Castiel alone in the car, as Dean kissed Charlie's cheek, and hugged Benny, before getting into the driver's seat.

"So. Cas, I'll drop you to your apartment, and then Sammy and I'll make our way home, right?"

Castiel hums in agreement, for most of Dean's question was rhetoric.

"Good."

The car begins to move, gliding at a slow, steady pace on the road. Or maybe Dean's speeding. Castiel can't tell, especially not when he can feel himself loll to sleep. The car is cool, and his jacket is warm. He reckons Sam's already asleep, and the last thing he sees before his eyes shut and drift into nothing, is Dean's soft eyes, as if smiling at him, through the rear view mirror.

Then he's out.  
___

The moment his eyes open are the moment the car halts.

"Cas, we're- Cas? Baby?"

A soft, husky voice croons him away from sleep, and he blinks his eyes in the darkness of Dean's car. What time is it? Castiel rubs his eyes and glances down at his watch. God, it's almost twelve.

"Hmm?"

Dean steps out of the car, and moves to open Castiel door, ducking down to gaze at him.

"Come on, need me to tuck you in or will you manage?"  
Dean asks, a faint smile playing at his lips.

"No, I'll manage..."  
Castiel mutters, as he steps out, coming face to face with Dean, the soft glow of a street lamp illuminating his sharp features. Dean takes a deep breath, and reaches a hand up to set against Castiel's cheek. Castiel sighs and leans into the touch.

"I'm sorry for what happened today. I know it put a damper on your mood."

"Hey come on, it's okay. I don't blame you."

"But I've been so indecisive... So ignorant... How can you still tolerate me?"

"I don't tolerate you, Cas. I crave being with you. More so than I did a couple months ago. You know, from far away, you're pretty, so cute and doe-eyed, always smiling and all. But up close, you're beautiful. And you know what, I'll wait. I'll wait for you. But just... Don't break my heart. Please."

Dean's eyes are glassy, and his lips turn up in a frown, quivering softly, as his hand begins to slip away.

Castiel sighs, and clutches onto his slipping hand, and with one final moment of conviction, leans up and presses his lips to Dean's cheek.

He pulls away, not seconds later, to be greeted with a gentle smile and beaming eyes.

"Soon, okay? I need to get a few things off my mind, Dean, and I know I won't ever find someone like you, but give me another day or so, please? Just to... Just to clear my head..."

"Of course, Castiel. Anything."  
Dean sighs, and right as he's about to lean down to claim Castiel's lips, just to tip them over that narrow line they've been dancing on, between friendship and something more, when a loud bang on the window of Dean's car startles them, and they jump away.

Sam laughs and Dean simply glares at him, as Castiel chuckles. 

"Fucking cockblock." 

Castiel hears Dean mutter, making him laugh, before shaking his head and giving a pleased sigh. 

"See you soon, Dean. Text me. Okay?"

Castiel smiles as he walks away. Dean smiles back, and yells a loud _sure_. Castiel turns away, walking into the lobby of his apartment, yet, he feels Dean's eyes piercing into his back, and he steals a glance behind, only to see Dean watching him. Dean waves, and Castiel waves back with a soft smile. 

It feels nice, having someone who makes him feel safe and secure. 

As he vanishes out of Dean's sight, only one thought rings through his mind. 

_I want this man to be mine_. _For sure_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, I tried linking the song in the notes but it isn't working. 
> 
> To get a fair idea of what I was going for please check out Joseph Vincent's Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You on YouTube.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amidst the spread of COVID-19 I want to urge all my readers to stay at home and stay safe and clean. Sending love and hope to everyone out there. God bless.

"Dean."

"Hmm."

"Dean."

"Wha-?"

"Get up."

"Why? It's so comfy..."

"That's my lap. And as much as I hate to disturb you, I can't feel my leg anymore."  
Castiel sighs and Dean sits up, an apologetic look on his face.

"Sorry?"  
He mumbles, but the evident smile on his face clearly shows he doesn't regret a thing.

"Shut up, you loved every second."  
Castiel grins and rolls his eyes. He stretches his legs out as Dean lolls his head against Castiel's shoulder and yawns.

"You're extra sleepy today, y'know. What were you doing all night?"

"Wouldn't you want to know."  
Dean smiles at Castiel, with this lewd, suggestive smile, dork that he is, and all Castiel can do is push his face away with a reluctant grin.

"Oh fuck off."

Dean sniggers at that and pushes himself up on his feet, lending Castiel a hand to get up off the grass. Finally, he can stretch his legs. Not that Castiel had minded before, it's just that his legs had gone numb, with Dean napping on them for almost an hour.

It's their usual routine now, after class, they meet at the lawn, sit, talk, tease each other. Usually they're alone, but some days Sam might be there too. Then they go out for lunch, and if Dean has a class after, he drops Castiel home and then goes back to the university, or if Castiel has a class as well, they both go back together.

"Want me to pat some mud off your ass?"  
Dean asks, with a flirty smile, hands already making their way towards Castiel's waist.

"No, I'm perfectly fine."  
Castiel counters him with a knowing smile, and steps away.

Dean just needs an excuse to grope his ass.

"Suit yourself."  
Dean holds his hands up in defeat, and Castiel shoves his shoulder, grabbing his hand as he tugs them out of the lawn.

"I'm hungry."  
He doesn't mean to whine, but hey, don't blame him, he's hungry.

"What do you wanna eat today? I was thinking of something greasy, y'know? Haven't had a burger in ages."

"We literally eat at Benny's diner, every other day, and FYI, you had a burger like two days ago."

"Okay, mom."  
Dean gives an exasperated sigh, and follows Castiel, as they reach Baby. Dean walks over to the driver's side as Castiel slips into the passenger one. Once on the road, Dean turns up the radio, changing the channel a few times, until he stops at one with a loud scoff.

"Hah. Now that's quality."

"Another Led Zeppelin song, I'm guessing?"  
Castiel looks to Dean, who beams at him like the sun.

"Damn right."

Castiel smiles and shakes his head, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

"So, we have around an hour left."

"Where d'you wanna go?"

"Uhm..."

Dean sighs, and turns to Castiel for the briefest of moments, before looking back at the road.

"McDonald's?"

"We were there yesterday."

"Okay. Taco Bell?"

"I don't like it, the stuff keeps falling out."

"Wendy's?"

"I don't like the ambience."

"Jesus, Cas, could you just decide on something?"

Dean is pissed now. Castiel can feel it. But he can't help it. Okay, so he's a little choosy, so what? A lot of people are picky eaters.

"Why am I being asked to decide, I hate making decisions, it's hard?! Look, I have to acknowledge each aspect of the situation, okay? How's the food? How's the atmosphere? Can we make it there and back in an hour? Do we have enough money on us? Do we-"

"Okay! Okay, okay, let's just go to McDonald's. Is that okay? We can order something different. Yeah?"

"... Okay."

"Good. Good, great."

Dean mumbles, and already, Castiel feels guilty, for somehow dampening Dean's mood with his pickiness. He should've just made his mind, but now Dean isn't saying anything, so Castiel doesn't bother to say anything either.

A beat passes.

And another.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being so indecisive.

Castiel doesn't quite want to meet Dean's eyes, but when he does, even for the briefest moment, Dean's smiling at him.

He isn't looking at him, he's looking at the road. But he's smiling.

A touch on Castiel's hand draws his attention down, where Dean twines his fingers through Castiel's, resting their entwined palms on the younger man's thigh.

"You don't gotta be, Cas. You're just trying to think of the larger picture, and hey, that's a great quality, if you ask me."

"Hmm..."

Castiel doesn't know what to say. So he hums and looks away.

The sky is just as blue and clear as it was yesterday. Fluffy white cloud float around, and Castiel can see the gentle swaying of the trees as they drive past them, signifying the presence of a light breeze. It's almost spring.

A wonderful season, if you ask him, not even a season. A transition.

Castiel loves what it denotes. A new beginning. The start of something. The budding of something new. The blossoming of something fresh. Something warm and lovely. Something colourful.

A few turns on the road, and they're into the city, close to the McDonald's they want to go to. But instead of moving into a parking space, Dean drives around the joint, and Castiel notices a bold red sign that says 'Drive-Thru'.

"Where are we?"

"We're going through the drive-thru."

"Why?"

"I just uhm, I know this place that's kinda cool. Like ten minutes from here. Nice, green place. Real quiet."

"Uhm, okay. And... Why do you want to go there?"

"'Cause it's nice."

"That's vague."

"You ask too many questions."

"Well what if you murdered me and dumped my body there and robbed me off my twenty dollars?"

Dean's face scrunches into the most confused, disgusted expression that Castiel has ever seen, and it punches a laugh right out of Castiel.

"You have a sick mind."  
Dean states, as they wait for their turn in the queue of cars. There's only two ahead of them, which is expected, because it _is_ lunch time.

"It's all those Forensic Files episodes I watched as a kid."

"Jeez, as a kid? Wasn't anyone like, supervising or something?"  
Dean shakes his head, and Castiel snorts, looking away as they halt to order. After grabbing their lunch, (and Castiel's usual happy meal, 'cause hey, he likes the little toys) Dean hands the bag to Castiel, and pulls onto the main road, turning the radio up slightly more, as a familiar sound reaches within Castiel.

 _He knows this. Of course he does_.

"Oh, oh, I know this song."  
Castiel smiles, patting at Dean's thigh enthusiastically, as Dean glances at him through the rear view mirror.

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah, my father would play it on the stereo every morning to boost his brain. Total bullshit, if you ask me, and once it started, we absolutely hated it, my mom and I, but then we kind of got used to him. He said loud music and alcohol helped him think better."

"Everyday?"

 _Every darned day. You have no idea_.

"Everyday until I moved out."

"God, you must be tired of this, huh?"

"Its kind of nostalgic, actually. I know every word."

Dean looks at him, for a brief moment, and looks away, back to the road, only to begin humming the lyrics softly. He slaps a light hand on to Castiel's thigh, and lets it linger there, as if Castiel isn't smart enough to look right through him.

"Come on, you should sing too."

"I hate my singing voice-"

"Oh come on, it's just me-"

"Yes, you, with your angelic voice."

"It's not that good."

Castiel's mouth drops open, and he glares an incredulous look at Dean.

 _So he thinks he can just say something like that and NOT expect Castiel to counter him? As if?_   
"It's not that good," He parrots back at Dean in a squeaky, teasing voice, "Excuse me? Have you heard yourself sing?"

Dean sighs, and rolls his eyes, squeezing Castiel's thigh gently under his palm, the touch setting of an odd, arousing spark on Castiel's skin.

"Look, who's judging you? I literally bought you, a twenty two year old man, a happy meal, why the fuck would I judge you?"

"First of all, you know I've been collecting my happy meal toys for ages, secondly, there's a difference."

"Difference, my ass."

"Just drop it, I don't wanna sing."

"Fine."

The hand on his thigh withdraws, and Castiel instantly craves the touch. Dean has taken his hand away and set it onto the steering wheel, much to Castiel's annoyance. Castiel exhales and looks out the window, finding himself scooting away from Dean.

He knows it's not that big of a deal, and that they'll probably go back to talking in a second.

In another.

Uhm. Just another.

Dean's silent.

It isn't until the chorus to Smoke on The Water comes on, that Dean makes a noise. A rather frivolous, humming noise, as he taps his fingers against the steering wheel, and sings under his breath.

"Smoke on the water, a fire in the sky..."

Castiel likes this song. He wants to sing. But he also knows he probably sounds like shit, especially in front of Dean.

 _But it's Dean_.

And they've been friends for more than a month.

Maybe Castiel should just sing. What's the worst that could happen? Dean might hate his singing.

 _You're making a big deal out of this, Castiel_.

Finally.

"Smoke on the water..."

Castiel begins, and right away, earns a clap to his shoulder, meeting Dean's beaming smile and mischievous eyes.

"That's my boy, come on, baby-"

 _Baby_. _He likes it_.

"Smoke... On the water, fire in the sky..."

Dean turns up the radio until it's flooding the car, and they laugh, Dean's fingers hitting the steering wheel with enthusiasm, as he bobs his head, singing as loud as he can, his free hand settled onto Castiel's thigh when it's not drumming against the steering wheel, and even as Castiel sings, his worst possible rendition of the song, he admits, he can't help but notice the way Dean's eyes crinkle as he laughs at a random crack in his voice, or the way his lips spread in a wide grin when his jade green eyes meet Castiel's.

 _Gosh, I think I love him_.

_Oh god, I think I love him._

Castiel halts, mid-song, simply to stare at Dean mimicking the sound of the guitar riff.

Dean pauses to glance at Castiel, and he must have noticed the awe-struck look on Castiel's face because he only smiles, and cocks an eyebrow, lips turned up in a tender smile. The lyrics for the last verse play and Castiel snaps out of his trance, humming along to the music as Dean makes a dramatic conclusion to the song, earning a hearty laugh from Castiel.

"That was fun, yeah?"

Castiel turns to Dean, who dials down the volume, and smiles, not at Castiel, probably to himself.

"It was."

It happens in a heartbeat, but then Dean's loving, gentle gaze is upon Castiel, and Castiel can't help but move closer to Dean. 

Personal space no longer exists, as Castiel, with surprisingly minimal hesitance, slips his hand into Dean's, lacing their fingers together. Dean wants to say something about it, Castiel can tell, but he can't take his eyes off the road, so he never says a word, even though the tension lingers in the air. Castiel wants to burrow closer to Dean, hold him in his arms forever, but for now, his fingers pressing against Dean's knuckles are more than enough.

"Here we are."

Dean states, as they take a sharp curve, which almost makes Castiel slide to the other side, and the car halts, well-enough hidden by the green shrubs behind them, the ones they drove through. Castiel dislodges himself from Dean's side, and sticks to the glass, peering out, as he rolls the window down.

The place is gorgeous. Hidden, sheltered away from human eyes, unless someone knows about it, covered with thick shrubs at one side, the other side an open, vast green grass floor, with beautiful pink and purple wildflowers dotting the grass. Castiel's almost concerned about the Impala's tires damaging the greenery, glad to see Dean's parked it a little further away. When Castiel looks to his side, Dean isn't there, instead, he walks over to Castiel's side and pulls his door open, allowing him to step outside, what a gentleman.

Castiel smiles at him, and steps out, only to breathe in the heavy smell of wet soil and leaves, the scent of the wildflowers lacing the air. Castiel shuts his eyes, and lets the soft, cool breeze caress his skin. In his trance, he can vaguely distinguish hands, not his, grazing his waist, and the first touch to his skin makes him snap his eyes open, only to meet Dean's, and-

Castiel gasps.

Dean's eyes are just as green as the forest around them. Just as calm. Just as serene. Just as accepting.

"Do you like it?"

He asks, softly, as he leans closer to Castiel. Castiel nods.

"Found it with Sammy once. He needed to pee, and well, erm, there was nowhere else for a couple of miles."

A reminiscent smile crosses over Dean's face and he laughs.

"Well, whatever the history may be, it's quite scenic."

Castiel says, and walks further, eyes searching from east to west, gasping loud when his eyes fall upon a little blue stream that flows at the edge of the grass floor.

"Dean! There's a little stream?! What?!"

Dean moves to join him, hands in his pocket as he crouches down to inspect the stream, dipping two fingers in the water and quirking his lips. 

"Yeah, it's just, like, this place that people either come to make out in or pee at."

Castiel narrows his eyes at Dean, trying his absolute best to not think of how soft Dean's lips would feel against his own. _No, no, get a grip of yourself, Castiel_.

"And what type do we fit into?"

He asks, half-teasing, not quite averse to the idea of making out with Dean.

Dean stands, eyes fixed onto Castiel's face, and Castiel can swear, for a moment, he sees Dean's eyes drop down to his lips and back up.

"If you were willing, number one, but since we're just here to eat and chill, I'd say we're creating a brand new type."

Castiel hates the smirk on Dean's face. He's also weirdly kind of turned on by it, yet he can't help but snort at that, shaking his head as he grabs Dean's hand and tugs it along, walking towards the car.

"Let's just eat."

They get into the car again, windows rolled down to let the cool air in, as they lounge against the doors and grab their lunch from the take-away bag, and begin chomping down on their food. Castiel looks up at Dean, who reaches for Castiel's coke, a habit neither of them care much about nor talk about, drinking from each other's drinks, coke, coffee, whatever it is. Right as Dean's about to press the straw to his lips, he yawns again, for about the fifth time that day. Castiel sighs, and sets his burger down.

"Seriously Dean, did you not get enough sleep last night?"

"Uh, no, not really."

"Why not?"

"It's uhm, well... Adult stuff."

"The boring kind or the sexy kind?"

Dean laughs, takes a bite of his hamburger and swallows it down with some coke, before speaking up.

"The boring one, unfortunately. Was up researching Ivy League courses. Sam wanted to go to Stanford for his masters, but then Dad passed, and he decided to stay here."

"Wait, you're paying for him right now?"

"Yeah, I mean, Dad had savings, obviously, and uhm, Bobby's always trying to help."

"Isn't Bobby your step-father?"

"Naw, he actually isn't even a blood relative, it's just, dad and he were pretty tight back in the day, y'know? When Dad was serving in the Marines, he was one of the physical trainers over there. Dad and he bonded, became great friends and for us, he's kind of like an uncle. But we do throw in a little 'dad' here and there to make him happy."

 _Hold on, you're saying Dean's been looking after all of Sam's studies, while only just getting started on his job? That's... surprising_.

"Wait, so, you have to look after both Sam and yourself?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Only like, financially, I mean."

Dean shrugs, and takes another bite of his hamburger. Castiel slumps back, biting into his own burger, before grabbing a few fries and passing the box to Dean, who grabs a few and stuffs them in his mouth.

"You told me you didn't like your job?"

"Yeah, well, the thing is, I don't like it. But there's a steady pay, no matter how meagre, and most of it goes for the savings and then I use some for daily expenses and stuff. Wow, this is a weird conversation."

Castiel doesn't understand, hasn't Dean been scouring for new jobs om the internet? He clearly remembers Dean telling him that, heck, he remembers sitting with Dean as he searched for jobs on some app.

"Wait, hold on, weren't you looking for new jobs?"

"I was. I am actually, but," Dean sighs, and his eyes drop, "nobody really wants someone with a 'teaching' experience in an industrial setting."

"Hey, you'll find one soon, okay? And I'm sure it'll be one you like."

Castiel reaches his hand out, and without a question, Dean takes it in his own, stroking his thumb over Castiel's knuckle. He meets Castiel's gaze with a soft smile, which Castiel returns with one of his own.

"I hope so. But for now, this job is all I have, and I do not want to fuck that up."

He takes a final bite of his burger, and continues after swallowing it down.

"But I think I'm on the good side of everyone, yeah. Some of the staff doesn't approach me, 'cause well, they know I'm related to Bobby and Bobby _is_ kinda scary. But then there's Pam, and there's Rufus, who's pretty cool. And then there's Zachariah, jeez, that guy has a huge fucking stick up his ass."

"Zachariah? World history?"

_Did Dean forget who Zach is?_

"Mhmm."

_Castiel doesn't mind pulling his leg._

"You do know that's my uncle, right?"

Realization splashes across Dean's face, and with the ways his eyes bulge, they might as well pop out. His mouth drops in defense, and he stammers out a guilt-stricken apology.

"Shit, I didn't mean it li-"

Castiel tries to put on his best butt-hurt face, but can only go long enough until he erupts into a chuckle.

"Eh, it's fine, he's a huge bitch."

He shrugs, and crumbles up the wrapper of the burger and tosses it into the brown bag, grabbing a few tissues and wiping his fingers clean.

"You don't like him either?"  
Dean asks, doing the same.

"I only tolerate him because he's my mom's brother. And because my dad keeps calling him to check on me."

"That sucks."

"I guess."

Dean cleans up his mess, and grabs Castiel's coke, sucking through the straw as Castiel rearranges himself in the car.

"Speaking of which, if we don't get back on time, I will be marked late, which I really don't want."  
Castiel nods to Dean's words and rolls his windows partially up.

"I'm done with my food."  
He announces, and Dean stares at him, a slightly wicked grin on his face, as he regards Castiel, eyes drifting up and down his body. 

_There's something about his look that sends a shiver down Castiel's spine. Something hungry. Something lewd_.

"You know, on second thought, we do have like, ten more minutes till we can leave."

Dean leans forward, his knee digging into the leather of the seat, as he crowds Castiel against the car door. Castiel refrains a knowing grin, not wanting to give off the impression of agreeing to Dean, as Dean leans down, closer to Castiel's face. Castiel bites the inside of his cheek, and darts his tongue out to moisten his lips, the action drawing Dean's eyes to it like a moth to light, and Castiel decides, instead of backing away, to stay still and meet Dean, eye to eye.

"And? What do you have in mind?"

"A lot."

Dean's staring down at him, a light smirk gracing his lips. His arms are set on either side of Castiel, and kneeling on the seat gives him the advantage of towering over Castiel. _Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me, fuck, take me, right now-_ Castiel's brain is screaming, throbbing, yelling at him to act, but he can't, instead, he ends up gulping nervously.

"Like what?"

Just a little harmless teasing.

"Don't do this, Castiel. I know what you're doing, and I won't let you. You know what I want, and if you want it too, tell me, fucking tell me."

Dean growls, and Castiel takes a deep breath, parting his legs, so Dean can settle within them, and in a fluid moment, Castiel's face is in Dean's hands, his lips mere inches away. The brush of Dean's nose against his own sparks something inside Castiel, and momentarily, he forgets about who they are. All he knows is Dean, in his gorgeous, hot maroon button-up and denim jeans, his sleeves rolled up and his hair tousled, and the ring of green around his pupils receding with every glance he flashes down at Castiel's lips.

_I want you. But I don't know if I'll be able to make you feel as good as I know you'll make me feel._

Castiel leans ahead, sliding his hands down Dean's back as he ghosts his lips over Dean's ear.

"I... want you to... start driving because we're going to be late."

It starts with a snort. Then a chuckle. And then Castiel is laughing.

"You fucking asshole."

Dean grumbles, and pushes himself off of Castiel, sliding back into the driver's seat with a constipated, annoyed expression.

"It's not funny. You had me all riled up and I-"

Castiel tries to stop snickering, he really does.

"Cut it out, Cas. It's not fucking funny."

Dean shakes his head as he backs up the car, and it's enough to shut Castiel up.

 _Maybe I shouldn't have done that. I shouldn't have led him on like that. Maybe I should give in. Dean needs me. I need to give in to him_.

"I'm sorry."

Castiel mumbles, adjusting himself in his seat, shoulders drooping and eyes fallen down. Dean doesn't speak. 

_I've made him mad. It's all my fault._

As they drive out onto the main road, Castiel feels... restless. He fidgets with the hem of his backpack and looks out the window. It's suffocating, being in the same space as Dean, and not being able to talk to him.

_I just wanted to tease him a little. How was I supposed to know he'd be so angry?_

"I'm sorry, Dean."

No response.

"Dean? I'm sorry."

Still no response.

"Dean. Dean, please."

Nope, nothing, no response.

Castiel sighs, and rubs his palm over his face.

"Look, I just, thought we were having fun. I didn't know you were that serious about, you know, taking things further... But I promise I won't do it again, I'll try to give in to whatever you want, I've just-"

"Hold on, what? No, no, no, that's not, fuck-"

Dean wipes his hand over his mouth, his eyes open wide as he stares ahead, and yet there's a distant thought written across Dean's face, which reveals its nature when he sighs and glances at Castiel, shaking his head slowly.

"No, fuck, Cas-"

Dean takes a deep breath and presses his fingers to his temples as if he's trying to push away some stress.

"Fuck, I didn't mean to- I don't- Never- _Never_ fucking think about something like that again, okay?"

He's supposed to look at the road, instead Dean is glaring at Castiel, his hand raised to emphasize his words.

_Now, what the fuck is he talking about?_

"About what?"

Castiel stammers, and Dean huffs a loud sigh.

"That you need to give in to what someone says. Especially if- if- it's about something you don't want."

Dean looks away from Castiel, a troubled expression on his face.

"Shit, Cas, I'm sorry- You never said you wanted it, you never said you wanted to- and I just assumed things, and then got angry for thinking you led me on. Shit, I'm so- I'm sorry, okay? And please, if I ever do something like that again, tell me, or just slap me across my fucking face, okay?"

"I... I wanted it. I just... Wasn't ready for it."

"And that's perfectly fine. If you're not ready to take things ahead, no one's going to force you, sweetheart, and don't you ever give in to something you don't want, you hear me?"

"Yes... I'm sorry if I-"

"It's not your fault. Listen to me, you aren't the one supposed to be apologizing."

"I just don't want to do something wrong and fuck up our friendship."

Dean reaches his hand out, and Castiel takes it, scooting closer to Dean, but this time, at an appropriate distance.

"You're not going to fuck anything up, I like being your friend."

Dean glances at him, for the slightest moment, yet Castiel can't take his eyes off where Dean's fingers lace with his own.

"I like being your friend too."

"And obviously, I like you, Castiel, and I know you like me back, at least I'm assuming you do-"

"Of course, I do."

"- and we'll only take this further when you want to, okay? I don't mind if it's in a day, a month, or a year."

Castiel smiles and nods, eyes wandering out the window, only to be met with the familiar gate to their campus, and he sighs, longing for more time with Dean. He doesn't want this to be over yet.

Dean parks the car in his alloted spot, and kills the engine, stepping out and walking over to where Castiel has stepped out.

"So, are you free tonight?"

"Tonight? I don't think so, I have a couple of assignments to complete. But I'm free tomorrow. Do you have something in mind?"

"I thought we could uhm, hang out at the Roadhouse? Charlie and Benny's gonna be there too..."

"I would love to, Dean."

Castiel smiles, and Dean steps closer, twining their fingers together, both hands laced within each other, as he grins.

"Well, text me, okay? When you get home?"

"I will."

"And Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"Sorry 'bout today, I know I came off a little too assertive, and I didn't mean it, I swear. Just don't be mad at me, please?"

"I could never be mad at you, Dean."  
Castiel smiles, and reaches up, planting a soft kiss to Dean's cheek, as Dean lets go of his hands, and pulls him in for a hug, arms wrapped tight around Castiel's waist.

One moment Castiel's legs are on the ground, and the other, he's being picked up like a god-damn baby, and it punches a surprised yelp out of him, only to end in laughter, as he shoves Dean's shoulder and steps away from the other grinning man.

"You dork."  
Castiel shakes his head, and steps away, turning his back to Dean, as he begins walking towards the building.

"Call me!"

Dean shouts, and Castiel halts, looking back for a brief moment as he shouts back.

"I will!"

And then he turns, trying his best to stop smiling and thinking of Dean, leaning against his car with his hands folded over his chest.

Even as he walks further away from Dean, he can't help but review their previous conversation.

_"Don't do this, Castiel. I know what you're doing, and I won't let you. You know what I want, and if you want it too, tell me, fucking tell me."_

Castiel frowns.

_Why can't I make him happy?_

Right as he's taking a turn around the corner, he crashes into a firm, stiff figure, sending him stumbling back.

_Who the fuck is this?_

"Hello Castiel, I'd like to have a word with you."

 _No way_.

_Not now._

"Uncle Zach?"

No way, did he see Castiel and Dean? Fuck.

Castiel isn't out to him yet.

No, no, no. This can't be happening.

"I'd like to talk about your... _Friend_."

Fuck _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're going to see why cas has decision issues in the later chapters so hold your horses, don't come for my boy, he's got some reasons and soon everythings going to be fine :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGERED WARNING: PAST PHYSICAL ABUSE ONLY MENTIONED,  
> HOMOPHOBIC COMMENTS, IMPLIED CHILD ABUSE. 
> 
> If you can't bear with any of the above mentioned, a gist of the chapter is given in the end notes.

Zachariah's cabin is constricted, dimly lit and reeks of musty cheese. Only God knows how he works in here. Yet, as Castiel sits in front of his uncle, head hung, fingers grazing the zipper on his bag, and a glass of water in front of him, Castiel knows, he knows what's about to follow.

The thing is, Zachariah knows about Dean. He knows about Castiel and Dean. He shouldn't. He was never supposed to know.

But now that he does, what will follow, only Zachariah will be able to say.

"So, you and the Winchester boy? Huh?"

Castiel gulps.

"He's my friend."

Zachariah, sat across Castiel behind his desk, leans forward and places his elbows on the top, and glares at Castiel.

Castiel hates his eyes.

He's always been conscious about how lecherous they are, ever since he was in high school, and Zachariah would visit his family, he'd sense them. Filled with corruption and impurity, a twisted sort of satisfaction.

Zachariah sighs and shakes his head, smiling such that Castiel knows he won't be able to hold his guard any longer.

"Just a friend?"

Castiel nods.

"I don't recall being so, hmm, _cozy_ , with my friends when I was your age."

There's nothing Castiel can say, so he simply sits in silence.

"So tell me, Castiel, what's going on with the two of you?"

"Nothing."

 _BANG_.

Zachariah's hands bang against the desk, and Castiel flinches back, his fingers tightening around his bag and eyes squeezed shut.

"Don't lie to me."

All at once, Castiel is sixteen again.

_'_ _He needs to be cleaned', a voice pipes up and other hums in agreement, but Castiel can barely say a word. All he can feel is the light that falls upon him where his bedroom door is swung open, the other half of his room drenched in darkness._

_He pulls his knees closer against his chest, trying to back into the wall, as the voices become louder, and the next moment, he's being hauled up by broad hands, the repulsive odour of whiskey hitting his nostrils, and he tries to push back, but resistance is futile, and the hands drag him, out into the light._

_Out in the light, he hears sobbing, no- it's crying, someone's crying, but he doesn't know who it is. Sounds vaguely like his mother. Actually it is. His mother's crying. He doesn't know why she's crying though, she's not the one who'd been locked in her room for a week._

"Don't you understand, Castiel? This isn't normal, son, this is something sick and twisted inside you. How many times do we need to do this before you learn? This is a sin, Castiel, and no matter how much your mother and I tried to clean you, we couldn't. We failed, and now that Winchester boy is poisoning your mind with his little pansy hands."

Castiel knows Zachariah doesn't care. He can see right through the disinterest in his voice. He's just a sadist who likes to ruin people's lives. 

"Dean's not poisoning anything- he's my friend-"

"Keep lying to me, I already know, Castiel, I've seen it with my own two eyes."

 _Two ugly eyes, at that_. 

"This isn't a sin, Uncle Zach, and you can't lock me in my room again, or starve me, or have me 'cleansed' and shit, because this is just who I am, and I'm not sick-"

"Lies!"

Castiel gulps. His eyes wander down to some mundane part on Zachariah's desk, and he picks at a little chip of wood. A sob chokes him, as he struggles with his words.

"He's my friend."

"Stop lying to me, Castiel."

"Why would I lie to you?"

"Why wouldn't you?"

Their eyes meet for a second before Castiel averts his gaze, his lips turn down in a scowl. _Think, Novak, think._

"You know very well, the consequences of lying, don't you? More so, this disgusting thing that you're doing? This is not normal, Castiel, this is some abnormal mental illness, and we can get you to a doctor who knows-"

Castiel breaks off the chip of wood.

"I'm not sick?! Why do you think this is an illness? It's just who I am, it's the sad truth, uncle Zach, I like boys. I'm gay. It is what it is, and you cannot change it, and for that matter of fact, neither can a fucking doctor?!"

 _Holy shit. You said too much,_ _Cas_ _._

He clamps a hand to his mouth, eyes stunned as Zachariah glares daggers at him.

"Unbelievable, Castiel, unbelievable. Cursing? Talking back? I..."  
Zachariah pushes his chair back and jolts up, eyes wide and peering down at Castiel with such disgust and anger, his guts churn at the mere sight of Zachariah's face.

"Are these your values? All those years my sister struggled to put food on your table, while your sick father was out drinking his liver to death, all those years we sent you to the church... And yet, a few months with that God awful Winchester boy, and now look at you..."

"Stop blaming Dean-"

"Shut your ungrateful little mouth. I can't believe it. All that time I hammered into your brain how wrong this was, and you still have the audacity to- to-, I can't even say it out loud... Have you forgotten about it Castiel?"

_How could I ever?_

"I sure hope not."  
Zachariah's mouth twists into a wretched scowl, and his eyes regard Castiel with pity. The look isn't strange to him anymore. He's seen it, years ago, day after day for a month.

It happens in an instant, his eyes flutter shut, a shaky breath breaking past his lips, as he recalls the day. He can feel it. He can still feel the sting of a slap burn across his face.

"When spoken to, you must speak back, you twat."

Castiel snaps out of his memory, with a loud bang against the desk, and he meets Zachariah's despicable face.

"What?"

"I said, I don't want to fight with you, neither do I want to be rough on you. So, I'm going to say it once again, very nicely."

Castiel stares at him.

"Leave the Winchester boy, Castiel."

His heart drops.

Before he can even think of the word, it slips past his lips.

"No."

Zachariah doesn't say anything for a moment. He simply gawks at Castiel.

"No? No? Did you just say no?"

Castiel considers lying. Green eyes and a laughing face flash across his eyes.

"Yes."

He locks his jaw.

Silence hangs in the air, as Zachariah, simply for the drama, shakes his head, taken aback by Castiel's words.

"Unbelievable. Unacceptable. If I haven't made myself clear already, boy, this is an order. Not a request, and absolutely not a question."

"I'm not leaving, Dean, he's my friend. That's it."

Zach stands up, and oh dear, this is bad. This is bad, bad, bad. he walks around the table, hand on Castiel's shoulder, as he leans down, his nasty breath trickling Castiel's breath, for the boy has no choice but to stay put. Zachariah's foul eyes peer into Castiel's, and he gulps, for it's evident, something disgusting, something sick lurks within them.

"Do you know what you're doing, son? You're ruining your life. You're ruining _our_ lives. You know the last thing Naomi said to me before she passed? _Take care of my son, Zachariah_. And what have I done, ever since? Every step of the way I have tried to put you out of harm's way. I have done everything in my power to protect you. And some random pansy-ass man comes along, and he breaks down every single brick I built to protect you. I won't let him. There is time, you are young, you can change, you can be normal too, Castiel, and I _will_ help you."

There's hope in Zachariah's eyes, and every second it rises, Castiel feels a part of his break.

"Let me help yo-"

"I don't need help, uncle Zach. I never did."

Castiel shuts his eyes. The breath on his face retreats, and he feels the older man move away from him, ready to counter Castiel, but for some reason unaware to Castiel, he doesn't. He stays silent.

_'I love you, Castiel. Don't let this world break you, baby. I know it's hard for you out here, but I just want you to know, that I'm always going to be there for you. Just think of me, and I will be there, with you, every step.'_

_Naomi pulls him closer, her pale, thin body snug against Castiel's, as she smiles, a weak, sad smile. Castiel doesn't want to think of it. He doesn't want to think of how he'd wake up tomorrow, and mom wouldn't be there to smile at him. And yet, it's all he thinks of._

_'Hey, no crying, you promised.'_

_'Do you blame me?'_

_Naomi chuckles._

_'I don't.'_

_They don't speak after that, for what could be said?_

_'I love you, mom.'_

_'I know baby, I love you too.'_

The memory shatters as soon as Zachariah begins to speak again, and Castiel looks up at him, tears brimming in his eyes. He wants to go home. He doesn't want to be here. He doesn't want to be here. He wants to be with Dean. He wants to be somewhere safe.

"Don't interru-"

"I don't need help, uncle Zach. I never did. What I need is for you to understand that I'm normal. I don't need a doctor, or anybody, to tell me what to do. Being with Dean makes me happy. _He_ makes me happy. And please, don't you fucking bring mom into this, because I bet if she was alive, and if she knew this is how you're 'protecting' me, she'd rather I go on my own. And what the fuck are you on about, trying to keep me from harm- Uncle Zach, _you_ are what I'm trying to run away from," Castiel sighs, and stands up, the chair sliding back as he steps forward, eyes glaring into Zachariah's, "-you are a disgusting, homophobic, bigoted piece of shit, and you can call whoever the fuck you want, I'm not standing down."

A stunned Zachariah looks down at him, a helpless sigh slipping past his lips.

"That's it, this is too much, Castiel-"

"What are you going to do? Lock me in my room? Starve me? Hit me? You did that once, didn't you? I don't think it worked though."

Castiel scoffs, a newfound dauntlessness causing him to meet Zachariah's incredulous eyes.

"You brat, you son of a bitch-"

"You're only calling your sister a bitch."

"You fucker, you're not going to learn, are you? You're just not going to fucking learn?"

"I am done. I am done breaking myself for you. I am done living the way everybody except me wants me to. It's been more than five years, and yet I can't go a single day, a single week without thinking about what _you_ did to me. I don't want to be this anymore. I don't want to be poor little, timid Cassie or whatever it is, because you know what, with all due respect, uncle Zach, you can take your stupid little 'bricks' that you supposedly built for me and shove them up your-"

"Castiel?!"

Zachariah barks, and his eyes are wide, mouth hung agape as he glares at Castiel.

"Castiel Charles Novak, that is enough. You fucking brat, you fucking pansy little bitch."

"I wonder how mom feels about you right now?"

"She's dead, Castiel. She's not coming back, so I don't give a shit about her-"

 _That's the final straw_. 

Before he knows it, Castiel's fist collides with the man's jaw, and one moment they're arguing, the other there's a bruise on Zachariah's face, and his wide, horrified eyes pierce into Castiel's. 

Even more surprising is the fact that Castiel feels not a single ounce of regret. 

"Don't fucking talk about her like that, you pathetic piece of shit."

Castiel surges forward, grabbing the elder man by the lapels of his blazer, and what he lacks in muscle, he makes up in height, and Zachariah struggles to push him away, but to no avail.

"You are a disgrace to the family, Castiel, I feel sorry for you."

"I don't need your sympathy-"

"You're going to hell, you filth."

"Great. I'll see you there then."

Castiel spits, finally letting go of the man's shirt, stepping back, a pang of guilt creeping under his skin. 

A beat passes, as Zachariah straightens his clothes, while Castiel stands at the door, head hung. 

"You know, uncle Zach, if you have anything more to say- you know my number. Now? I have a class to attend-"

"He's got a brother, hasn't he? Sam Winchester?"

Castiel's eye brows draw together. _Why is he asking about Sam? What does that have to do with this?_

"Why?"

"Just asking... Last time I checked, most of what Dean earns comes back to the university as Samuel's fees... Not to mention, he probably still has his own student loans to pay... And now that he's an adult, rent, food, maintenance... Castiel,"

 _Zachariah is smiling._

Castiel's heart drops to the ground. 

"-I think if I fired Dean, he would be devastated. And if he found out, I fired him because of you... Well, that thing you were saying, about him making you happy? I think that will change. What do you think?"

Castiel gulps. 

He can't be serious. 

"You're kidding."

He breathes out, hand hovering uncertainly over the door knob as his eyes fix onto Zachariah's.

"Crowley owes me a favour anyway. Might as well get him to suspend Dean's internship."

Castiel freezes. 

_"Wait, so, you have to look after both Sam and yourself?"_

_"Yeah, pretty much. Only like, financially, I mean."_

_"You told me you didn't like your job?"_

_"Yeah, well, the thing is, I don't like it. But there's a steady pay, no matter how meagre, and most of it goes for the savings and then I use some for daily expenses and stuff. Wow, this is a weird conversation."_

_"Wait, hold on, weren't you looking for new jobs?"_

_"I was. I am actually, but nobody really wants someone with a 'teaching' experience in an industrial setting."_

_"Hey, you'll find one soon, okay? And I'm sure it'll be one you like."_

_"I hope so. But for now, this job is all I have, and I do not want to fuck that up."_

Zachariah can't be serious. 

"You can't do that. You can't fire him?!"

"Well, maybe I can."

"On what grounds?"

"Professional misconduct. After all, any teaching authority, as per the university's guidelines, isn't allowed to engage in any sort of personal romantic relationship with a student."

"Oh, but they can permit you emotionally abusing me?" Verbally assaulting me?"

"Takes two to tango, kid."

Castiel gulps. This is not what was supposed to happen. Zachariah was supposed to shove it, not blackmail Castiel.

Especially not by putting Dean's job at stake. 

_No, no, no Castiel. You can't be the one putting him at risk. You know he's struggling with his job. You can't let Zachariah sack him_. 

"You won't do that."

"Oh, but I will."

Zachariah steps in front of the desk, and then leans against it, arms folded across his chest, and a gloriously cunning smile on his face.

 _Think, think, think Novak_.

"Don't fire Dean."

"Do what I say."

Castiel considers it for a moment.

No. He can't betray Dean. He can't be the reason for Dean's suffering. After everything Dean has done for him, after everything they've shared, Castiel can't be the one to break them apart.

Dean's job matters to him. More than anything else. He needs the money.

Everyone knows, suspension of a paid internship on account of professional misconduct leaves a mark on your CV. Moreover, Dean's job wasn't only sustaining himself, but Sam as well.

 _But for now, this job is all I have, and I do not want to fuck that up_.

No, just the thought of it, the mere thought of being the reason someone loses something as crucial as their job, sent a shiver down Castiel's spine. He couldn't betray Dean like that.

Besides, what was the most Zachariah could as of him? Stop talking to Dean? Fine, Castiel could _pretend_ to.

He sighs.

"Alright. I'll do what you say. But you are _not_ touching Dean Winchester."  
Castiel growls, surprised at the edge in his voice, and Zachariah gulps, a smirk teasing at the corner of his lips.

"Guess I found your weak spot, Castiel."

"Shut up."  
Castiel retorts with a roll of his eyes.

"Alright then, I have a list of things. First off, you are to stop talking to that boy. You must cut off any and every tie with him, clear?"

 _Easy, Castiel could text Dean about their situation and tell him to play along_.

"Done."

Zachariah quirks his bottom lip, as if saying _fair-enough_.

"Secondly, I will be picking you up and dropping you to the university."

Castiel sighs.

"Okay."

"Good, third? I want you to delete that boy's number. His and Sam Winchester's."

_Hold on, now, hold on a fucking minute._

"What?! Of course not?!"

Zachariah frowned, and reached for his cellphone. Huh? What's he doing? A few taps later, he holds the phone to his ears.

"Fergus, good afternoon," He smirks, and Castiel's eyes widen, "-I must speak to you about the Winchester-" Zachariah continues, and that's when it clicks into Castiel's mind.

Zachariah is not joking.

"No, I'll do it!"

He scrambles to fish his phone out of his pocket, and slams it down on the desk, bolting up and swiping through the contacts, pushing the phone towards Zachariah.

"Check for yourself-"  
Castiel pants, fingers shaking as sweat drips down his forehead.

Zachariah's eyes skim over Castiel's phone, before moving away as he speaks into the cellphone.

"Oh, nothing, I needed to know if he was still here. No problem. Have a good day, Fergus."

The phone drops onto the desk, as Zachariah flings it to the side, eyes peering curiously into Castiel's phone, surfing over the contact.

"'Lover boy'? I'm assuming that must be Dean?"

_Castiel wants to crawl in a ditch and hide._

_Should've changed the fucking contact name,_ _Cas_.

"I... Yes."  
He can't meet Zachariah's eyes.

It's funny, how he thought he was winning so far.

 _How the tables have turned_.

"Delete that."

Castiel doesn't move.

Zachariah sighs.

"Good for nothing."  
He mumbles, before taking Cas's phone in his hands and tapping away.

Maybe he should've memorised Dean's number.

But now? It's gone.

Maybe he can get it from Missouri? Or from Sam when he meets him in class?

"Here. No Dean Winchester. And none of his smarty-pants brother."

Castiel shuts his eyes.

He wants to be with Dean right now. He just wants to hold him. Just wants to drench himself in the heady scent of Dean's signature cologne.

 _Maybe I am in love_.

"Can I go now?"  
Castiel mutters, but to no avail, since Zachariah only scoffs.

"Actually, hold on a minute. If you delete Dean's number, _he_ can still contact you, can't he?" Zach sigh, and as if something clicks in his mind, he snatches Castiel's phone away. "I will be taking this away.*

_What the fuck? He can't just take away my phone?!_

" What? No?!"

"Don't worry, I'll buy you a new one, but this one's not yours anymore."

"You have gotta be fucking kidding me."

"No, I don't think I am."

Zachariah flashes a lopsided grin, before leaning forward on the desk, hands locked together. 

"Lastly, I will be picking you and dropping you to the university everyday, and you will be leaving your job at the library."

"What the fuck?"

"Language."

"Oh my bad, what in the god-damn, fucking shit?"

"Castiel?!"

Zachariah's eyes widen, and he bangs his fists on the table, lips hung apart.

"How dare you-"

"I'm not leaving my job? I need the money?"

"Well, how about you work somewhere else? I could ask Crowley to set you up somewhere. You don't have to go back to that library. Too liberal, the people over there."

"It's a library?!"

"But Dean knows about it. He could come meet you there. I want none of that."

Castiel gapes at Zachariah.

"You have to be kidding."

"Unfortunately, I'm not."

Zachariah's eyes meet Castiel's, an evident trace of depravity within.

"I'm not leaving the library."

"I'll just call Ferg-"

"Fine, fuck, fine. But you get me a job or I swear-"

Zachariah laughs.

"Ah, Castiel, how adorable you are."

 _Castiel might vomit_.

"It's no use fighting, son, I know just where to nip you, so you listen to what I say."

Castiel doesn't answer to that. His fingers fidget with the hem of his bag, eyes fixed onto a strand of blue thread that hangs out.

This is it.

All that fighting. All that arguing.

Worth nothing.

He's back to square one. Back to where he was. Back to being helpless. Back to being powerless. He's lost his job. He's lost his cellphone, the only way he contact Dean. He's lost his freedom. 

Once again, his life isn't his own.

It was great while it lasted.

But he shouldn't have done it. He should've known better than to become so involved.

If not now, soon, Zachariah will tell Charles. And then Castiel will have to move, far, far away.

All he'll be doing is hurting Dean.

_That's what you are, Castiel. You're poison. You hurt everyone you love. Mom. Now, Dean._

It's better to just accept what's coming.

"So, do we have a deal?"

He looks up at Zachariah's chubby, red face, and although he wants to answer, he just can't.

"Castiel? I asked you, do we have a deal?"

Castiel's lips quiver. He wants to scream. He wants to cry. But he won't. He won't give Zachariah the satisfaction of winning.

"Y-yes."

A single tear rolls down his face, and yet, he wipes it off on the back of his sleeve.

"You may leave now."

There's mirth in Zachariah's eyes, and his smile shows just how much he's enjoying this.

Enjoying Castiel's suffering.

"Okay. Okay."  
Castiel whispers, more to himself than to Zachariah, as he gets up, quietly, and walks to the door.

"I hope you're happy, uncle Zach. I hope you sleep well knowing you've taken away the only thing I began caring for after years."

The knob twists, and the door swings open.

"I hope you're happy."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Castiel's homophobic uncle Zachariah finds out about his relationship with Dean, and calls Castiel into his office. They have a huge argument, wherein Zachariah incessantly orders Castiel to leave Dean, and when Castiel refuses, holds his job on line. Castiel is taken aback, and not wanting to be the reason Dean loses his livelihood, accepts Zachariah's conditions of never contacting Dean ever again.  
> .  
> .  
> .  
> (((i am so extremely sorry for the late updates. things have been weird, so many assignments and all and everything with corona. guys pls stay safe and healthy and stay at home. )))


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> all aboard the angst train

It's been a week.

A week since Castiel's life is once again in the hands of a man he despises.

A week since he's avoided Dean, and tried to convince himself it's to protect Dean.

The first few days had been the hardest, not that the rest hadn't, but the reality of the situation had only seeped into Castiel's system when he'd watched Dean step out of his car, and had begun dashing over to him with a frivolous smile, only to stop himself in his tracks the moment he saw Zachariah standing a few feet away.

It has only been downhill ever since.

It's hard. Having to stop himself from smiling every time he sees Dean. Harder is having to ignore Dean. To ignore his eyes on Castiel. To walk away when Dean is walking towards him. He'd managed to make it seem like an accident a few times, but it could only go on for so long.

He tries to erase from his mind, the way Dean's face darkens and his shoulders slump the moment Castiel walks away. And during the lonelier nights, he resorts to writing, anything to relinquish the feel of broad hands on his waist, or warmth pressed against his chest, and yet, somehow he ends up writing of green eyes and a bright smile.

Avoiding Sam hasn't been easy either. It helps that they only share one class together, yet he has to chastise himself every time his eyes linger over to Sam, as if the boy could help him in any way, and he's considered on more than one occasion, to slip Sam a note, but Zachariah shows up five minutes earlier each time Castiel's classes end, and Castiel has no choice but to follow him. Of course, the others question their new habit, but news about them being related flies around, so pretty much everyone drops it after that.

On the few unlikely occasions that Dean _has_ caught up to Castiel, Castiel has been compelled to brush him off with _Uncle Zach's waiting for me_. It seems to work, until once Dean asks him why he's being so weird. It's more of an accusation, and Castiel tries not to think much of the helplessness in Dean's voice.

And the worst thing? He can't even say sorry.

No _I'm sorry I fucked up, Dean_ or no _you deserve better, Dean_ , nope, none of that.

Zachariah, on the contrary, has been exceptionally content. Castiel doesn't remember the last time he'd seen his uncle laugh at something in a newspaper, or add an extra cube of sugar in his coffee, or even smile at someone for that matter of fact. And it's all at the expense of Castiel's joy.

Leaving the library hasn't been well either. Castiel can't roam its isles as seamlessly as he did before, knowing now that he won't be stacking up the books in every section author-wise, or that he won't be able to slouch back on a bean bag in the corner and bask in the silence, or that he won't be able to laugh with Dean in the last isles, clamping a hand shut over his mouth, tears rolling down his face as they struggle to stay quiet, only to burst into another series of chuckles when Dean repeats the joke.

It's his last day at the library today. Zachariah has arranged for a job for him at a local restaurant as a waiter. The pay's not much, more than the library, but the work hours are much more flexible. Once he's done with his college, he'll start looking for full time jobs, maybe even a masters degree? But now isn't the time to think about that.

"Gunna miss you, boy."  
Missouri says, and claps a hand on his back. Castiel smiles down at her, and he can see her studying him, but he doesn't comment on it.

"I'm going to miss you too, Ms. Mosely."

Missouri gives a weak laugh, but the emotion doesn't reach up to her eyes.

"You still haven't told me why you're leaving. Something personal? Y'know you don't gotta hesitate with me."

Castiel considers it. He looks at her face, wrinkles at the corners of her eyes, yet an odd sort of endearment within them, one he's only seen in the eyes of a few people. She gives off this air... Of acceptance and love.

He decides to spare her the sorrow.

"I'm alright, it's just, my uncle wants me working at his friends restaurant."  
The lie rolls off his tongue easy.

"Well, whatever it may be, I want you to know I'm always gon' be here for you, 'kay? And oh, Dean's been calling me everyday, asking about you. Do I smell some problems?"

It would be so easy, wouldn't it? Just letting his mouth spill every word that rises to his throat, and every word he suppresses.

"Fine, we're fine, it's nothing..."

Missouri nods, holding her hands up in defeat.

"If you say so."

Castiel knows she knows he's lying. He knows it in the way her face softens with pity.

"Thank you for understanding."  
He squeezes her hand lightly, and she runs a hand through his hair before walking away.

Through the large windows of the library, Castiel can see the sun hanging low in the sky. The trees sway to the rhythm of the breeze, the sky painted orange and red, and Castiel muses it's close to about five, five-thirty in the evening. A glance at his watch only proves him right, and he moves onto the other isle, stacking a last set of books into some gaps.

"Shall we leave?"

Zachariah calls out, to which Castiel only shakes his head. Of course, the bastard wants to leave soon.

"You shouldn't have come if you wanted to leave so soon."

Castiel is treading on thin ice and he knows it. But he'll continue to show Zachariah his attitude without an ounce of shame for as long as he can. 

"Just hurry up."  
Zachariah huffs, and the next thing Castiel hears is his footsteps retreating.

Three more books to go. A paraphrased version of Hamlet, a N.K. Jemisin novel, and the short stories of Edgar Allen Poe.

Right as he's pushing Hamlet into the top row on the shelf, the door to library slams open. Odd, Castiel wonders, and the moment he turns around, his breath hitches.

It's Dean.

And there's a wide grin plastered to his face, wide enough that his cheeks are pushed up into his eyes. Castiel notes Zachariah peeking out of an isle to watch Dean, but his attention is drawn back to Dean as the older boy beams at Missouri, speaking something inaudible to her. She replies with huge grin of her own, and whatever he said must be exciting, because Missouri is hugging him, kissing his cheek and gazing at him with pride. The exchange leaves Castiel smiling to himself.

It happens in an instance, Missouri whispers something to Dean, and the next moment his smile has vanished. His eyes dart around the library, and Castiel jumps deeper into the narrow space between two isles, hoping Dean hasn't seen him.

_Wow, these books are, erm, interesting, heh, Shakespeare, classics, wow, I'm obviously not thinking of Dean... Obviously I don't want him speaking to me... Heh, wow that wall looks kind of nice, wonder when's the last time they painted it..._

"Cas."

There it is.

Castiel doesn't know whether he should fling his arms around Dean in joy, or crawl in the nearest ditch and hide.

His body stiffens, all at once, his throat goes dry, and instead of words, there's a lump rising at it's back. His shoulders harden, and it takes unimaginable effort for him to not meet Dean's eyes.

"Dean."

"Jesus, I'm so happy I found you here, man, I have something to tell you-"

"I'm working, Dean."  
Castiel cuts him off, hands fumbling with the book, as he draws in a breath and moves to the next isle.

"I know, but it won't take more than a few seconds, besides, you've been acting so strange these past few days, are you alright? Sam said you seemed a little lost in class, and you keep avoiding me... You know you can talk to me about whatever you want, right?"

_How can I even refuse him?_

"Just, let me work, please-"

Dean's mouth hangs open, as if he were about to speak but Castiel cut him off.

"Hey? Hey, is something wrong? Castiel, will you talk to-"  
A hand grabs at Castiel's arm, jerking him to the side, and the next instance, soft green eyes peer down at him, with concern he knows he doesn't deserve.

_Do not break. Do not let your guard down. Not now, Castiel._

"Let me go, Dean."

In a fraction of a second, Dean's hand withdraws, and yet, he continues to hold Castiel in place, this time with his eyes.

"Why won't you-"

"I can't, please, just-"

Zachariah. A few feet behind Dean. Glaring. Watching.

Castiel's words break off, and his mouth hangs open, eyes fixed onto Zachariah as he raises an eye brow. Simply testing Castiel.

"What? What can you not-"

"Just leave, Dean."

"What? Why? You didn't even hear me out?"

"I don't want to."  
Castiel's eyes widen at Dean, and his jaw locks in a passive way he doesn't intend to.

Dean is torn. Castiel can see it in they way his mouth opens and shuts, sees how Dean is simply trying to find a reason for Castiel's behaviour.

"Why?"  
He breathes out, and it takes everything inside Castiel not to jump into Dean's arms and hold him.

"Just- just leave-"  
Castiel pleads, hands nudging Dean away, but he grabs hold of them and flings them away.

"What the fuck is up with you, Cas? You've been acting so fucking strange these past few days?! You keep avoiding me, you never talk to me, and oh, not to mention, I sent you more than a hundred texts this week alone, and you responded to not a single one?!"

_If I could, I would._

"Maybe I didn't want to read them."

Castiel can't let Dean know about Zachariah. About the deal. He knows Dean will end up poking his nose where it doesn't belong and get into trouble. He can't let Dean hurt himself, simply because Castiel is a messed up person.

The comment throws Dean off, and he seems to be processing Castiel's words, before he scoffs and takes a step forward.

"I tried calling you, once, twice, I don't even remember anymore. And you haven't been meeting me for our lunch dates either?" Dean's hands cup Castiel's face, and as much as a every nerve in Castiel's body craves for the touch, he compels himself to grab onto Dean's arms, eyes watching Zachariah, who fishes his phone out of his pocket and waves it Castiel- a warning, "-baby, I'm your friend-"

"Then act like one," Before he knows it, Castiel is pushing Dean's hands away, a distraught look on his face, "-stop touching me, okay? And enough with the _baby_ , and _sweetheart,_ we're not dating."  
Castiel says, and watches as Dean staggers back, uncertain and hurt. There's something about his confusion that claws at Castiel's chest, something so innocent about his confusion- as if he doesn't understand why _Cas_ of all people would do this to him.

"You need to talk to me, hey, just tell me, it's for your own good, for you to be relieved, anything that's bothering you..."

Dean is speaking, but Castiel tuned him out the moment he said _it's for your own good_.

It sounds too much like something Zachariah said.

Castiel groans and swats Dean's hands away from him, eyebrows drawn in an eyes incredulous.

"For my own good? For my- why is it that everyone except me seems to know what's good for me?! Why can't you just let me do what I need to?!"

Helpless. That's a word Castiel would use to describe himself.

Dean steps away, and it's evident on his face, there's a thousand things running through his mind.

"Cas-"

"Stop. Just leave. Please."

Dean waits.

Their eyes don't meet, both heads hung down, as they simply wait for the other to initiate something- a conversation, an argument, who knows?

"It's not fair."  
Dean mutters. His eyes are sullen, and the enthusiasm Castiel saw within them minutes ago has completely evaporated. Now, there lies nothing. It's a brief glance, and yet, all at once, Castiel knows what Dean wants. He only hopes Dean knows what he wants too.

"What."

"It's not fair. I care for you, okay? You mean something to me. You mean everything to me. And this past week, I've been miserable, Castiel."

_You think I haven't?_

"And I get it, some thing is obviously bothering you. I won't ask you again, and again, what it is, I just want you to know, whatever it is, I'm here with you in this, okay?"

Soft fingers tilt Castiel's chin up, and he fights his will to lean into the touch.

_Castiel, how hard do I try? I know you said we could be friends, but please, I can't stand it, I really can't. I can't stand the thought of knowing you, and not being able to love you the way I want to._

He remembers these words. He remembers the pain in Dean's eyes. The pain _he_ put there.

Of course, he did. Of course, he's the one who hurt Dean.

"Just tell me what I need to do?"  
Dean asks, and Castiel refrains from falling into his embrace.

 _Just be here, please,_ he wants to cry, and yet, he can't utter a word.

So, he screams.

"Just leave?!"

The thread Castiel has been balancing his self-control on snaps, dropping him into an abyss of frustration and confusion.

Dean doesn't say anything. He remains silent. The way he has been for more than half of their conversation. Not with his words, but with his actions.

Castiel shuts his eyes, leaning back against a shelf as he steadies his breathing. Beside him, Dean scoffs, emotionless and hollow, and the moment Castiel opens his eyes to glance at Dean, the older boy holds his gaze.

"You're not going to tell me what's bothering you. You're not going to tell me why I've been wasting my time this whole week waiting for you, calling and texting you. You just want me to leave."  
It's as if he's checking things off a list, the way he says it.

His eyes focus onto some mundane part of the floor, and yet, there's something distant in his eyes- something numb.

"I just wanted to- to tell you about-"

"I don't want to hear it."  
It's a plea, if Dean is smart enough to understand. If not, it's just another slap on his face.

"Right."

"You really should leave, Dean, I don't want you making a scene here-"

"A scene?!"  
Dean asks, incredulous and taken aback. He surges towards Castiel, gripping his wrists and tugging him forward, compelling Castiel to look up at him.

"You think I'm making a fucking scene? When all I'm trying to do, is talk to my best friend who I know damn well, isn't alright? But yeah, I'm making a scene?"

Dean's fingers dig into his wrist, and his face is flustered, wide eyes prying into Castiel's, and all Castiel can do is stand, head hung as Dean regards him.

"Just- this is over, okay? Whatever this is, it's over-"

"What? What is _this_?"

"This, this friendship- I don't want any of it, and I need you to go, right now, before i-"

"Before you what? Before you what, huh?"  
Dean growls, and steps closer to Castiel, and he looks ready to pick a fight. Slam or hit something.

"Stop it- stop doing tha-  
Castiel sucks in a deep breath and pulls his hands away, holding onto his wrist as he glares at Dean, "You're hurting me?!"

Dean's mouth drops open, as if he wants to defend himself, but his eyes shift to Castiel's wrist and he heaves a sigh before pressing his fingers to his forehead and muttering soft curses.

"Fuck, I never- I never-"

"Can you just do what I'm fucking telling you to?"  
Castiel bites, and the edge in his words draws not only Dean's, but Zachariah's attention, and he averts his gaze. From the corner of his eyes, he can see Zachariah inching closer to them, and yet, he can do nothing but let him.

"You know what? Fuck you. I am tired of baby-ing you-"

_Babying me? What the hell is that even supposed to mean?! Does he mean talking to me when no one else does, taking me out on fancy dates? Because I never asked him to do any of that._

" _Baby-ing_ me? I never asked you to _baby_ me, okay? You're the one who keeps thinking I'm some sort of damsel in distress, just because I don't speak much-"

Okay. Now Dean wants to play that card. Sure. Two can play at this game.

"That's absolutely not the reason, okay? And if I want to pamper you then that's my choice-"

"Exactly?!" Castiel cuts him off, moving back to grab the book he dropped, "-So stop being _tired of baby-ing me_ and admit that you're the one who does it consciously in the first place."

Dean takes a step closer to him, his fingers gripping around the cart of books that Castiel wheels behind him, pulling the cart away from Castiel as he glares.  
"I've been trying so hard to make this work, and all you've done is sit around and let me do all the heavy lifting-"

_He cannot be serious._

"What? Are you for- are you for real right now? I'm not taking an effort?" The book slams down on the desk, and Castiel turns back to Dean, "Dean, I've never been in a fucking relationship before, okay? You know how shit works, I don't, so don't blame me."

"-and all you do, is keep being indecisive and downright fucking selfish-"

The room goes silent.

Regret washes over Dean's face.

 _Indecisive. Selfish. A disappointment._ Castiel wonders how many more bad adjectives are required to sum up his personality.

"I didn't mean-"

"You did. If you hadn't, you wouldn't have thought that way either. But I'm glad to know that's what you think of me."

Tears blur Castiel's vision, and Dean steps forward in an attempt to console him, only to stagger back as Castiel pushes the cart between them.

"Castiel, listen to me, you're not-"

Castiel has tuned out Dean's voice.

_Here I am, trying to do the right thing. And yet, the only person who means the most to me is the one getting hurt._

_Zachariah's right, Cas. You're poison_.

"It's okay, really, it's okay," Castiel sighs as he begins, "-I've heard worse. It's never bothered me. It's just that I thought you were different. That you understood me. That you respected the fact that I need time. But I don't blame you. You're just like every other person who's called me indecisive. Selfish. Timid. It's okay, Dean, it really is."

The book slots into the shelf seamlessly, so Castiel grabs the cart and begins to wheel it away.

"Cas, you know I didn't mean it like that-"

Castiel knows Dean would never mean it that way.

Yet.

"Last time, Dean. This is over. We can't do this any longer. I can't. Whatever this is, between us, it stops. You go your way, I go mine."

_Let me do **one** good thing._

Dean stops in his tracks. He no longer pursues Castiel around the library. He stands still, right where he is, and his words quiver.

"So you just... You want to break up?"

God, Castiel hates how miserable he sounds. Hates the hurt in his voice. Hates the betrayed tone in his voice.

_It's what's best for you right now._

"Break-up is for people who are dating. We're not. I don't know what to call it, but one thing's for sure, I don't want this anymore."

Castiel can't meet his eyes.

A pause.

" _You're_ saying this? Or is it that thing inside you that you're scared of, that's making you say this?"  
Dean says.

"Me. It's me. Now leave."

Dean nods. His eyes study Castiel.

Without a word, he turns and walks.

_Please stop, please stop, please stop, don't leave, don't leave, don't leave-_

_He stops._

Relief floods through Castiel's chest, and his muscles go lax, but then Dean is looking up at him with a hollow smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"I don't know who you are, Castiel."

Dean treads towards him, crossing over the short distance between them as he speaks.

"All I know is that this is not you. I know you, Castiel. I know the real you. So, you can't even try to pretend with me."

_You don't have the slightest idea of who I am, Dean._

He stops. A mere inch away from Castiel's face.

"So one last time, Castiel. I need to know if this is you."

His hand finds Castiel's, and truth be told, Castiel is too dazed to care about it.

"If you really want me to leave, Cas, look me in my fucking eyes, and say it. If you do, I leave. No questions asked."

_Dean's leaving. Dean is leaving. Dean need to leave._

Castiel tilts his head up. Green eyes bear into his.

"I want you to leave."

_There. You've done it, Castiel. You've finally hurt the one person who loves you._

Dean's eyelashes flutter, and his eyes turn glassy. The hand holding Castiel's slips away. He takes a hesitant step back.

And then nods.

"Bye."

It's a simple, three-letter word. And yet it shatters Castiel in that moment.

_Bye._

The next moment, Dean is gone.

He didn't even tell Castiel what he'd been so happy about. And it's all Castiel's fault.

A hand claps onto Castiel's shoulder, but he's too numb to care who it belongs to.

"You're finally learning. I'm so proud of you today, boy."  
Zachariah laughs behind him.

"I was amazed by how well you managed to push that pansy away..."

Zachariah is speaking. Castiel can't hear it.

Everything around him fades into white noise, and all Castiel can think of is Dean. And how he pushed him away. Just like he knew he would.

From the corner of his eye, he catches Missouri watching. There's concern on her face. For Castiel? She should save it for someone who actually deserves it. 

Because he just hurt a good man.

Maybe Zachariah is right. Maybe he is going to hell.

Castiel reaches for a pillar, his hand holding onto it as he rests his forehead against the hard, painted concrete.

_Dean is gone._

A sob rises in his throat. His lips twitch, and his eyes, already glassy, begin to spill tears. It happens in a flash, and Castiel is crying, silent sobs wracking his body, as he buries his face against his sleeve, and feels the fabric dampen on his arm.

Who would have thought they'd come full circle?

It starts in the library.

And it ends in the library.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes u can sue me now bt dont worry im gonna give them the happy ending they deserve. 
> 
> also some of you commented Zachariah should die of a heart attack and omg y'all are savages XD
> 
> new updates soon cause I'm quarantined with nothing to do.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are looking up for my boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning- Brief mentions of cancer, child abuse and homophobia. Nothing to worry, it's only some sentences.

An epiphany.

That's what Castiel has.

One moment, he's sulking in bed, flipping through a text book, for absolutely no reason, thinking of Dean, and how he shouldn't have reacted the way he did. It had been more than a week now, he knew he should've been moving on, but hey, it's Dean we're talking about, and maybe he should've been more careful with his words. But then again, Dean hadn't held back when he called Castiel selfish and indecisive. Hmph.

And while he's skimming over random pictures in the book, as you do, an idea strikes him. Or as he likes to call it- the light bulb moment. It's momentary, and Castiel's eyes go wide, and he even writes down so as to not forget about it.

The next moment, Castiel is standing outside Professor Fergus Macleod's, or as the college calls him, Professor Crowley's cabin door.

A soft knock, but Crowley doesn't answer. So Castiel knocks again.

This is it. This is the only way he'll be able to talk to Dean. He knows Dean usually accompanies Prof. Crowley, and if there's any chance Castiel can meet him in private and explain his situation to him, he won't let it pass.

The door swings open, and a short, stout man, with dark black hair and sharp eyes peers up at Castiel.

"Yes?"

_That's your cue, Cas._

"Oh, uh, sorry to disturb you at this hour, professor, I was wondering if Dean's with you? I simply need to talk to him for a minute or two-"

"Dean? Why would Dean be here?"  
Crowley asks, and Castiel notices the Scottish accent lacing his words.

"He told me once that he usually works with you, in your cabin...?"

"I think you're mistaken, boy, Dean's left."

"What? Like, do you mean he went home or...?"

Crowley chuckles at that, only fuelling Castiel's confusion, before shaking his head and slipping his hands into his pockets.

"No, as in he's left. Resigned. More than," Crowley glances inside, and Castiel catches a glimpse of a calendar, "-ten days ago."

_Wait, what?_

"Ten days ago?"

"I'm assuming he didn't tell you?"

"No, he didn't, he- oh-"

_He didn't, but he wanted to._

_That must be it. That's what Missouri hugged him for. That's what he must have been so thrilled about. What he wanted to tell Cas, and what he incessantly tried to say._

_But Castiel didn't give him a chance_.

"So, he doesn't work here anymore?"

"Do you not know how a resignation works?"  
Crowley snorts, and well, he does have a point. Dean resigned. _Resigned._ Not _fired_ , resigned. Willingly. Why?

"Why did he leave?"  
Castiel finds himself asking, more to himself, but Crowley speaks anyway.

"He found a position in a firm outside city. It's not too far, about three, four hours away. I envy him a little, it's a great firm, but I'm proud of him too. He works hard, works honest, it was only a matter of time before he moved."

"Oh?"

"May I ask who _you_ are?"

"Uhm, I'm Dean's friend. We had uh, a little fight, and I just- sorry, it's a long story. But thank you again, professor, is there anything more you know? About Dean's job?"

Crowley seems to consider it, and raises a hand to set his chin on his fingers as he hums to himself.

"He said something about moving out, I s'pose, or was it moving away? I guess it was both."

Castiel's breath hitches, and he stares at Crowley. This can't be true, Dean can't be leaving.

"Moving away?"

"Oh don't worry, he said there was still some time before he did."

Castiel nods, and his eyes wander towards the ground, as he wonders if Dean is truly moving away.

If he is being honest, Castiel doesn't know if he should be happy or sad. Happy, because hey, Dean finally found a new job, and he's able to pursue what he really wants to, or sad, because he mentioned to Crowley about moving away, needless to say, their fight all those days ago.

Wow, Castiel, you really just shut Dean out.

But he didn't have a choice.

"Boy? Yoo-hoo?"

A snap clicking in front of him draws Castiel back to where he's standing, in front of Crowley, and he gulps.

"Sorry-"

"No worries, I said that's all I remember from our last conversation."

"Oh, alright. Again, thank you so much, professor."

Castiel gives a short smile, and with a tip of his head, turns away from Crowley.

_Well, the man doesn't seem as bad as Zachariah chalked him out to be._

The door shuts behind him with a loud bang, and Castiel walks to the campus garden. This is the only time he has alone, since Zachariah is on the other side of the campus, teaching a lecture. Castiel doesn't have his creative writing lecture until around 1 pm.

With a soft sigh, Castiel pushes the creaky entrance gate open, and steps inside. His eyes graze over the view in front of him.

A calm, soothing air settles around him.

The warm breeze kisses his face, tugging a smile at the corner of his lips, and he draws in a deep breath.

Spring.

The enticing scent of flowers, freshly mown grass and wet mud encircles him.

He shuts his eyes and drops to the ground, back pressed against the trunk of a tall tree.

A loud sigh.

There are birds chirping in the distance, some even above his head on the tree, there's the soft noise of wind gushing through the empty hollow of trees. There's some people laughing, a few metres away.

Everything is simply calm.

_What do I do? Do I call Dean? Try and talk to him? I haven't even congratulated him. Haven't spoken to him in days. I want to. I need to._

"Castiel?"

The voice... It's familiar.

He blinks his eyes open, and they fall on someone's legs, so he looks up, only to meet with Sam.

"Sam?"

"What are you doing here?"

Castiel gulps. _Hasn't Dean told him about them yet?_

"I don't know. I just... Don't know."

Sam presses his lips together and looks around, before regarding Castiel again.

"Mind if I sit with you?"

"Of course not."

He scoots, and Sam settles next to him, leaning back against the same trunk, knees presses together.

For a long moment, neither of them speak.

Until Sam sighs.

"Dean told me."  
He says, almost a whisper.

Castiel gulps, but nods anyway.  
"I assumed he would, naturally."

Sam's head hangs, and a glance towards him tells Castiel that he's picking his nails, but there's a solemn expression on his face.

"He got a new job. We might move after I graduate."

"I know."

A pause.

"He told me you didn't want to talk to him again."

A beat.

"He told me he called you selfish. Indecisive. That you had a fight. He still doesn't know why. But he's upset. He regrets it, Castiel."

_No, you're not going to cry. Especially not in front of you're best friend's brother._

"I do too."

Sam sighs, and flings his hands away, setting them on his bag instead.  
"I just... Don't know why you did this... Both of you... It was going great... And forgive me if I'm speaking on your part, but you seemed to really make each other happy."

"You're not wrong, Sam, Dean does make me happy. Very happy."

Sam looks to Castiel, eyebrows drawn.

_No, no showing emotions._

"Then why aren't you together?"

"We should be. I just-"  
Castiel trailed off, shaking his head to dismiss his thoughts. He's not going to narrate his life story to Sam like a wussy.

"Hey, you know you can talk to me right? And if not me, you can talk to Dean, okay? Cas, look, we care for you. Dean, I can't even say how much he does, and I... You're my friend, I care for you a lot too. And I want to know what's going on with you."

Castiel meets his eyes. There's something genuine in his eyes. In his words. Something that makes Castiel consider whether he should tell Sam exactly what's wrong.

"Cas?"

"Promise you won't tell Dean? He'll just shout at me."

"I- I don't think he has it in him to even think ill about you, trust me, Dean rarely cries. And after your fight... But anyway, I won't tell Dean, I promise."

Castiel sucks in a breath, turning towards Sam, head hung down. In shame? Guilt? Misery? He doesn't know yet.

"Please, Cas, I can't see my brother miserable like this... For me if not him. Just tell me."  
Sam says, and Castiel looks up at him, before sighing and shutting his eyes.

"You know Zachariah? World History?"

"Yes, the man who's been stalking you these days."

"He's my uncle."

"Yeah, Dean told me once. What about him?"

"I... I have a lot of history with him."

"Good or bad?"

Castiel watches as Sam's finger reach for a twig, which he snaps apart, and uses to draw a circle in the dry soil under them.

"Bad."

"How bad?"

Castiel reaches for the other half of the twig, sticking it into the soil and pulling it throughout to draw a wavy line.

"Bad enough to stay with me forever."

"Bad enough to put him in jail?"

A pause.

"Yes."

"Fuck," Sam mumbles to himself, "-what is it, Castiel? And why?"

"You know, back when I was sixteen, there was this boy in my neighborhood, Balthazar, very funky, so quirky, he made me laugh a lot..."  
A smile spreads across Castiel's face at the memory. It vanishes just as soon as it appeared.

"We'd mess around, y'know, kiss, make out. Didn't think much of it. We were at my house this once, working on an essay, and we got a little... Carried away. Not much, we were clothed, but uhm, obviously, we were kind of into each other, and uhm, uncle Zach just so happened to catch us together."

Sam doesn't respond.

"Well, I haven't heard from Balthazar ever since. But uh, he became the least of my problems... Mom was diagnosed with stage three pancreatic cancer. Dad was in rehab. Alcoholism and what not. Mom was bed-ridden, and Zach had to take care of me. And well, if you can't tell from my name, I grew up in a typical Catholic household. Our family had good relations with the church. And then, all at once, everything just crumbled, I guess..."

Castiel blinks up to meet Sam's eyes, but Sam's eyes are fixed onto the ground, eyes deep in thought. He wonders if Sam's even listening.

"Did Zach... Hit you?"

Castiel laughs, much to Sam's horror.

"That's an understatement."

"God..."

"So much for following the Lord's path."  
Castiel can't help but snort.

"What did he do to you?"

"Stuff."

"Did he..."

There's a sad, pitiful glint in Sam's eyes and oh-

"No! No, I mean, no, he, uh, he didn't do that. No he's too homophobic too even think of me as human, so, uhm, but uh, he hit me. Kept me in my room for a month."

"How'd you live?"

"Uh, he fed me, three times a day. I didn't go to school that whole month. Nobody cared as long as I showed up for the tests. I just... It was one of mom's last months, you know... I just..."

_You are not crying in front of him, no, Castiel Novak, you are not-_

A tear slips down Castiel's eyes, and he bites down on his lip to stop it from quivering.

"... I just wish I could've been there for her..."

More tears stream down his face. Before he knows it, he's crying.

"Hey, hey, just... You should let it out, man, all of it. I don't think... I don't think you've really shared this with anyone else but uh, I just want you to know that I'm listening to you, and I'm not going to judge you for the way you've been raised. I just..."  
Sam says.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to over-"

"Hey, hey, Castiel, listen to me. You are my friend. I don't really know if you get what a friendship is, but all I can tell you right now, is that I get it. Okay? I do. Trust me. Not the same things that happened to you, but I get it. I just want you to know I'm here for you. And I mean literally."

Castiel looks up, and his eyes meet Sam's. There's an authenticity within them. Something Castiel's only seen in the eyes of his mother, Dean, and that one cashier from 7-11, who paid for his single bag of doritos two years ago.

The memory makes him snort.

"What?"  
Sam asks, and Castiel shakes his head.

"It's a thing I thought about."

"Oh... So...?"

"Right, uh, Zach. Yeah."  
Castiel rubs his cheeks on the sleeve of his shirt, and reaches for the twig again, dragging it around in formless shapes.

"Yeah."

"So, uh, you know, Dean and I are like... Close."

He steals a glance up at Sam, who only gives him his trademark bitch face.

"That's what they're calling being in love now, huh?"

"Shut up."

Castiel likes the smile that graces his lips, along with the warmth that spreads across his cheeks. Sam simply chuckles.

"So the other day, Dean and I headed back from lunch, and we were just messing around, like we always do."

"Ah, yes, the completely platonic flirting and kissing. I am aware."

Castiel can't help but laugh.

Sam's a pretty good friend, he guesses.

"So, uh, Zach caught us. And he called me over to his cabin. And just so you have like, context, the hitting thing he did back then, it fucked me up like big time."

"I don't mean to be rude, but I think there's a possibility that the _hitting thing_ is actually called child abuse, and that problems that grow into your adult life because of it, are actually very valid and justified."

Castiel smiles at Sam's words. He likes the way Sam speak, sarcastic, but with a heavy tone of concern and obviousness.

"Yeah... So, after I went to his cabin, we had this huge fight. I told him to cram his homophobic shit right up his ass, but then he started blaming Dean for, for poisoning me, and I just, got really mad at him. For some reason, I just, couldn't stand him saying things like that about Dean. And I guess he realized that... And he told me he'd get Dean fired, and we'd just had a conversation about Dean's job, and money, you know, like a serious conversation... And I couldn't be the one to ruin all of that for him... So..."

"So you agreed to Zach's terms?"

"Mm-hmm."

Sam sighs, and drops the twig, looking up at Castiel, who meets his gaze, rather hesitantly.

"What were the terms?"

Castiel sucks in a breath.

"I can't speak to you or Dean again. My phone is his, I travel with him, and I stay at home, no going out after class. He even changed my job at the library to some stupid waiter at this new restaurant."

"That's why you've been avoiding me? And Dean? To protect us?"  
Sam asks.

"In a way...?"

"Oh, Cas, man..."  
Sam says, and there's a sympathetic look in his eyes as he claps Castiel's shoulder, shaking him slightly, causing both boys to chuckle.

"I still don't know why you guys had a fight? You and Dean?"

"Oh, right, I was working at the library, last day, and Zachariah was there too, watching me. Dean came in, pretty sure, excited about his job, and he was trying to tell me, but I just shut him out, because I saw Zachariah watching us... I didn't know Dean got a new job."

"Oh... It all finally makes sense. The entire puzzle."  
Sam shakes his head, and his gaze wanders away into the sky, a distant, more resolute glint in his eyes. He nods his head slowly, bottom lip quirked up in satisfaction.

"Yeah."

Silence engulfs them both, a silence where neither have to think of what should be said, only about what has been.

"But Dean has a new job now. That means your deal with Zachariah..."  
Sam starts, turning towards Castiel with conviction in his voice.

"Doesn't stand anymore."  
Castiel completes Sam's sentence, a pang of relief flowing through his veins as he meets Sam's eyes.

"Which means..."  
Sam continues, peering at Castiel with excitement.

"... I can be with Dean."

"Yes?!"  
Sam exclaims, and Castiel has to refrain himself from laughing at how Sam's so excited.

 _Dork_ , Castiel wonders and shakes his head.

"So what's stopping you? Here, call him with my phone and talk to him!?"  
Sam fishes his phone out of his pocket and shoves it into Castiel's hands. Castiel sighs, and looks down at it.

_Just a single apology? Lame._

_Dean deserves better._

Instead, Castiel shakes his head and drops the phone back into Sam's lap.

"I want to do something better for him. All these days, he's been the one doing things for me. Donuts, flowers," Castiel smiles, a soft chuckle escaping past his lips as he shakes his head with fondness, "-songs, food... I want to do something special for him."

"Like what?"

"I don't know yet."

Silence falls over them.

Green eyes flash across Castiel's mind.

_Dean's eyes are just as green as the forest around them. Just as calm. Just as serene. Just as accepting._

_"Do you like it?"_

_He asks, softly, as he leans closer to Castiel. Castiel nods._

_"Found it with Sammy once. He needed to pee, and well, erm, there was nowhere else for a couple of miles."_

_A reminiscent smile crosses over Dean's face and he laughs._

_"Well, whatever the history may be, it's quite scenic."_

Castiel gasps. That's it. That's exactly what he needs.

He turns towards Sam, eyes wide and enthusiastic.

"Okay, listen, I have to ask you something."

"Sure."

"I have something in mind, about how I'm going to make up to him. And apologize."

"Okay, and how do I help?"  
Sam seems equally curious, and it warms Castiel.

Castiel draws in a deep breath.

"Tonight, seven p.m., could you get Dean to come to that place you guys found? The one with the little stream? And the forest? Outside city?"

Sam sends him an uncertain look, before his lips spread into a little smile.

"Wait, are you thinking what I think you're thinking?"

"Maybe."

"Well, sure, I'll get him to drive there. Seven, right?"

"Yeah."

"What do you have in mind?"

"A lot. Okay, anyways, I need to steal my phone from Zach's cabin before his class ends, and I'll text you, okay?"

Sam smiles, as he begins to gather his things.

"Cool."

Castiel smiles back, as he mimics Sam's actions, and both boys push off to their feet.

"What about Zachariah? How are you going to deal with him?"

"I'll see about that. Right now, my priority is Dean."

Castiel says, and the boys head towards the gate, only halting when they reach.

"Alright, I have class now, but text me, okay? And I'll get Dean."

"Thank you so much, Sam. You've been... So good to me."

"You're my friend, Cas. Don't thank me."

Sam pulls him into a light hug, before bidding him goodbye.

Castiel smiles, watching as Sam walks away and disappears behind the wall of the building.

_Alright. Back to work. No dilly-dallying, no dawdling._

Castiel laughs to himself. Mostly out of excitement. He even has a skip in his walk.

_Now, we've got things to do. We've got a theft to commit, and a killer date to plan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 11 is going to be what you're all here for fellers. will update that soon cause it's cute shit.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 🎶baby, this is what you came for 🎶

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay safe and healthy guys, please look after yourself. I love all of you.

_> > me: have you left?_

_< < sam w.: . . ._

_< < sam w.: leaving in 5, u set?_

_> > me: i believe i am_

_< < sam w.: cool, _ _dw_ _, its gonna be great,_ _cas_

_> > me: thanks sam_

_> > me: for everything_

_< < sam w.: anytime man_

_< < sam w.: he's confused lol don't know why _ _im_ _taking him_

_> > me: lol_

_< < sam w.: alright _ _im_ _gonna go he's starting to think_ _im_ _being suspicious_

_> > me: cool, bye, c u_

Castiel sets his phone aside. He shuts his eyes and sucks in a deep breath, letting it out smooth and slow, as he reminds himself to think positive.

It's going to be alright, he tells himself, _Dean will like it_.

He opens his eyes, and in front of him, the evening sky, a canvas of orange and pink, spreads across for as long as his eyes can see. There's the scent of mud and grass, and the scent of the wildflowers, lingering in the air around him, and nearby, the sound of the narrow stream sloshing against a few rocks, gushing along. The breeze is warm. It splashes against Castiel's face before drifting away.

Serene is a word Castiel would use to describe his surroundings.

And yet, even as the trees around him sway with such fervour, such determination, and the birds sing their songs without an ounce of hesitation, uncertainty builds up through Castiel's nerves.

They haven't spoken in ten days.

He just hopes Dean forgives him, if nothing.

With a loud sigh, Castiel shakes his head.

"Let's just focus on making this a good evening."

He says, quite cheery than he'd like to admit, as he surveys his set up for the millionth time.

Blanket? Check.

Ice-box with beers and soda? Check.

Wine that he stole from Zachariah? Check.

Bluetooth speaker? Check.

Special playlist? Check.

Pizza? Check.

Fries? Check.

Apple pie that he made for Dean himself? Check.

Candles, lanterns and lamps? Check.

(And Bug repellent, as a precaution, also check).

All he has to do is wait.

And wait.

And wait.

And wait.

"Damn it."  
He mumbles, and reaches for his cellphone, punching in his password and tapping at Sam's messages.

_> > sam w.: reaching in 5_

Wait, when did he send this?

Sent 6.59.

And what is the time now? Castiel glances at his watch, oh god, no way, it's already twelve minutes past seven, which means Dean would be here any moment now.

Castiel hisses, and shoves his phone back into his pocket, before sitting up on his knees and adjusting the blanket, so that it straightens out at the corners. The food is warm, still in Castiel's bag, and the ice-box sits put a feet away. The candles at the side of the blanket, on the grass, aren't lit yet, but Castiel wants to light them when the sun has set. Also, stolen from Zachariah. The best part? Castiel doesn't feel a single ounce of regret at committing this _theft_.

The sound of an engine being killed a few feet away draws Castiel's attention to it, and Castiel is a hundred-percent sure, that must be the Impala. He's been in that car too many times to know.

 _Deep breaths,_ _Cas_ _. You have got this. Dean's just a man. And you love that man. If you explain, he'll understand_.

Castiel flattens his shirt, running a hand through his hair, grimacing when he can smell the gel on his fingers. He rubs his hands on his jeans, and pulls them up, slightly, making sure they stretch over his ass.

 _And if he doesn't, just bribe him with pie_.

"Showtime."  
He mumbles to himself, as taps his finger on his thigh. Any moment now. Behind him, the bushes rustle, and noises rise in the distance.

_"... I don't know why you've brought me here, man, you wanna kill me? Put my body in here?"_

_"You have a sick brain, Dean."_

_"... Just remember, I am the sole breadwinner of this family so don't murder me..."_

_"Shut up, drama queen."_

_"... What the he-"_

_Deep breaths, Castiel_.

"Cas?"

Castiel turns to the source of the voice, heart racing, hands sweaty as he rubs them on his jeans.

"Hello Dean."  
He mutters, and in a split second, their eyes meet, green meeting blue, and simply like that, ten days of silence and distance have melted away. There's an apology somewhere in the look, a confession, some may say, but hidden deep within, is a profession of love, more than anything else.

And yet.

"Why am I here, Sam?"

Dean turns away, his eyes fixing to some mundane part on the ground, as he addresses Sam. From behind the trees, a shadow steps out, Sam, Castiel recognizes, and before he can respond to Dean, Castiel steps forward.

"Please, I just... Have some things to say. I know you have questions, but trust me, if you'll just give me a chance, I'll answer each one."

It's the best possible way Castiel can actually put it- the reason he's invited Dean here. And if he's being selfish, he just wants to see Dean, speak to him, spend time with him, apologize to him.

Dean's eyes skim over Castiel's form, up and down, as if he's convincing himself to believe Castiel.

With a defeated sigh, Dean shrugs.  
"Okay."

"Uhm, I'm going to leave now. I'm taking the bus home, Dean."  
Sam says, and Dean nods, mumbling a short be safe, and then Sam's walking away, leaving only Castiel and Dean alone in these woods.

Neither say a word, until a few moments pass.

Castiel glances up, and catches Dean staring down at the ground, hands in his pockets and jaw locked.

"Dean, please? Look at me?"

It's sounds helpless, Castiel knows, but that's the least of his worries at the moment. Dean nods, but doesn't look up, only urging Castiel to move closer.

 _You need to earn his trust back,_ _Cas_ _._

With heavy steps, Castiel moves into Dean's space, his cologne engulfing Castiel, and his eyes flickering between Castiel's chest and the ground.

_Now or never._

"You know, all this time, you kept doing these little things for me... Chocolates, flowers, donuts, granola bars," Castiel chuckles, "-songs, lunch... And I just, I felt like if there's any way I should be apologizing to you... It should be something that shows you how special you are to me."

Dean's eye brow cocks up, and he shifts his gaze onto Castiel's face, lingering on his lips for a few uncertain seconds before meeting his eyes.

There. Now he can see him in the eyes.

"Really?"

"Oh, completely. I did this for you Dean, because I want you to know that I do care for you. And we never got the chance to celebrate your new job!?"

Dean perks up at the mention of his job, and Castiel smiles, watching as Dean undergoes a series of emotions. Confusion? Relief? Confusion.

"Wait- how do you know about my job?"

Castiel sighs.

"That's one helluva story. So," Castiel begins, as he steps back towards the ice-box, and crouches down, "-grab a beer, and sit down. Because we need to talk. Mostly, I need to talk. Explain, everything that's been going on."  
He flicks a cold Hennessy towards Dean, who (thankfully) catches it, and flicks the opener right after, leaning down to grab himself a soda.

"I also have wine if you want."  
Castiel bounces a shoulder, a mischievous grin playing at his lips.

"Wait, what?"

"Well, I stole the wine from my uncle. He deserves it. And you'll know just why, the moment you sit your pretty ass down."

Dean grins for a second.

"You think my ass is pretty?"

Castiel wants to laugh.

"Oh, uh, of course."

Dean snorts, and begins peeling his jacket off. Castiel, in the meanwhile, sits down on the blanket, legs crossed and turned towards Dean. They are a feet away, and though Castiel can't touch Dean, he can feel his scent wrap him up like a bundle.

Dean lays his jacket down, and sits on it cross-legged, body facing Castiel, the only obstacle between them being the ice-box, upon which Castiel rests his elbows.

"So," Dean prompts, "-what do you have to say?"

 _Showtime_.

"Well... A lot, actually. I don't know where to begin..." Castiel sips his soda from the can, the cool liquid sliding down his dry throat as a saviour, and he relishes the sweet taste of it.

 _No use hesitating now, Castiel_.

Dean shuffles into another position, back leaning against the trunk of a tree next to him, legs outspread as he watches Castiel, taking light swigs of his beer.

 _Come on, come on, come on, it's just Dean, what's the worst he will do? Leave_ _Cas_ _alone in these woods maybe? No, no, no, Dean could never do that, but he is angry at_ _Cas_ _, so what if he does? Oh shut up, just let Castiel speak._

 _This is a bad idea_.

"So, uh, there's these things... About my past... That I haven't really told a lot of people... I guess you're the second, the first being Sam."

"Wait, what? What does Sam know?"

"Just let me speak... This is going to be long..."  
Says Castiel, as he picks at the nail on his finger.

 _Deep breaths,_ _Cas_ _._

"Cas?"

"Just give me a second-"

No, no, no, there aren't supposed to be tears in Castiel's eyes.

But he can't help them.

Because all at once, he's back in Pontiac, Illinois as a fifteen year old.

_"Say cheese!"_

_Mom yelled, wrapping her arms tight around Castiel's shoulders._

_"Cheese!"_

_Castiel laughed, and leaned into her touch. The warm scent of vanilla and pine trickled at his nostrils, and he instantly recognized it as his mother's body lotion._

_A bright flash, and then a head peeked out from the side of the camera._

_"Looking great sweetheart!"_

_Dad laughed, and Castiel glanced down at his mother's pink face, as she dismissed Dad's comment with a shake of her head._

_"You do look good, mom."_

_Castiel smiled, and she brushed her fingers through his hair._

_"Well, I mean, you're pretty for a reason."_

_She winked and Castiel groaned._

_"Mom, it's not pretty, it's handsome."_

_"Same difference."_

_"Okay, another one, hold on, I'm going to come over there-"_

_Dad called out, and sprinted across, only to trip on his foot, and there he went, tumbling down to the ground._

_"Charles?"_

_Mom yelled, unable to help, her laughter, and sure enough, Castiel couldn't keep it in either. Right as Dad tried to push himself on his feet, the flash went, sending all three into a fit of laughter_.

Tears prickle Castiel's eyes at the memory, and distantly, he feels a hand on his own. The touch draws him out of his reverie, and his vision refocuses on the figure in front of him, illuminated by the dim white light of the moon, concerned eyes bearing into his.

"Hey, it's okay..."  
It's Dean, he's trying to comfort Castiel. But Castiel doesn't need to be comforted. He just wants this mess to be over. Just wants to put all of this behind him. Just wants to be happy.

"Sorry, uh, I was saying," Castiel begins, wiping away a few stray tears on the back of his palm, before sighing out loud and turning to Dean, "- I uh, I wanted to say sorry to you, before anything else... It's just... These past few days have been so... So weird... And I don't even know who I've been, so, uh, sorry about what happened at the library. I never meant," A sob rises in his throat, but he suppresses it, the slight quiver of his lips giving him away.

"I never meant to hurt you, Dean, I just,"

All at once, Castiel's throat goes dry, and he simply can't meet Dean's eyes. His head hangs down, and his eyes fix onto some random space on the ice-box, as he avoids Dean's gaze.

"Hey, Cas, c'mere."

Castiel doesn't move. He can't.

So, Dean moves. He shifts closer to Castiel, slinging his arm around Castiel's shoulder, pulling him into a soft embrace, his other hand reaching up to stroke over Castiel's cheek.

"What's wrong, baby? C'mon, talk to me."

Castiel gives in to the touch, shutting his eyes and leaning back into Dean's arms. He rests his head against Dean's collarbone, stretching his legs out so they touch Dean's.

"I don't want you to look at me any different, Dean, please, and I get it if you don't want to be with me anymore, but I'm just, so sorry..."

It's a broken sob, one Castiel doesn't even want to voice, and yet it spills out just as helplessly as his tears.

"Cas, why would you think I'd look at you any different? I don't care about your past, okay? I have shit of my own, I know it's hard, letting go of these things, and part of us just can't, but that doesn't mean it should stop us from what we want to do... So, just calm down, okay? I want you to stop crying and talk to me? Will you do that?"

Castiel nods.

"Good. Now tell me everything, okay? And I'm just going to listen now, is that alright?"

Castiel nods.

"Good boy. Come on."

Dean smiles, brushing his fingers through Castiel's hair, other hand reaching for his beer. Castiel draws in a deep breath as he begins.

"You know... my family used to be this... This devout, religious Catholic family. We'd go to church every Sunday, I played piano for the choir every week, and there were all these people I knew... Pastors, fathers, people from our church... I mean, it was great. Dad had a good job, mom was fine, I was great, nothing like I am now. Never hesitated to say anything, never second-guessed myself. Always aced at tests, I even qualified for the high school football team, everything was just... Fantastic... Normal... But then, it's like... Everything started crumbling down... Dad wouldn't work, he'd spend his money and time at bars, and no matter how much mom tried, he wouldn't come back. So Zachariah, my uncle, he took over our household. Mom was diagnosed with cancer, pancreatic, stage three... It's basically the stage where the cancer begins to spread to the rest of your body... And... And..."  
Castiel swipes at his eyes, sniffing as recalls, as clear as water, the day it went downhill.

"There was this boy in my neighborhood... Balthazar. We were friends, good friends... And uh, one day he came over, and I mean, we were teenagers, we were experimenting, finding things out about ourselves, and we'd make out sometimes, you know, a kiss here and there, we never meant any of it, but it was a nice feeling. And then once, after school, when Balth and I were messing around, uncle Zach popped in. And he... He..."

"Hey, it's alright, I'm right here..."  
Dean says, stroking his fingers down Castiel's side.

"And it's just all a blur, y'know... Balthazar ran, and Zach, he literally had smoke fuming out of his ears. Then the next thing I remember is him unbuckling his belt, and then I was crying, hurting, so, so much..."

Castiel doesn't try to refrain the tears that dampen his face, instead he slumps lower in Dean's arms, dropping his empty can of soda on the grass, before flinging his arm over Dean's waist and slotting against the elder boy's body. He knows this is quite unusual of him, seeking solace in someone else's arms, baring himself to someone, and that too, willingly. Knowing that this person will be able to look at them from, this new found angle, however good or bad it may be.

_Why are you crying? Is there anything you, can change now? No. So man up, get some balls, and explain everything to Dean with a calm face. All you can change is the next course of things, not what's happened before._

With a final sniff, Castiel groans and hangs his head down, reaching up with both hands to rub over his face. Once he's wiped away every last trace of moisture from his face, he grabs Dean's hand, holding it in his own, eyes fixed onto Dean's short fingernails, obviously chipped from him biting them.

"For months, it never stopped. The hitting. The slaps. Zach said I should be cleansed. That he'd beat it out of me. That he'd make me _normal_. And for the first month, he locked me in my room. Mom knew. I'd hear her crying outside my room every night, begging my uncle to fix me. They'd feed me thrice a day, and that was the end. Never even sent me to school. Only if there were tests."

Silence falls upon them as Castiel's words hang in the air, heavy; remorseful.

Dean resumes stroking through Castiel's hair, and Castiel takes it as his cue to continue.

"I just wish I could've changed it. I know I can't, but I wish I could've... It was one of mom's last months... And I couldn't be there for her, even when she was... When she was dying... And I hate to think about the fact that even in her last moments, I was nothing but a disappointment to her..."

"Cas, that's not true, she's your mom..."

"I know. Still."  
Castiel sniffs, and blinks away a few stray tears.

"Then she was gone. Dad was back from rehab, but he was useless. So he sent me away here for college, and sent Zach after me, to know I'd be safe. If only he knew the kind if person Zach was..."

"Shh..."  
Dean presses a soft kiss to Castiel's hair and holds him tighter.

"But the thing that really, really bugs me, Dean?"

"Hmm?"

"I didn't even know who I was after mom passed. After I moved here, I knew nothing. Not about myself, not about my life. And I just let people have their way with me, make decisions on my part, say things on my part. I became so hesitant, so wary, of every single thing, that eventually, I just lost knowledge of who I was... I never wrote, I never played the piano, never painted, never did anything I loved after I moved here. And I hated it. Because that wasn't me. But I couldn't get myself to change back either."

A beat passes before Dean breaks the silence, sighing out loud as he regards Castiel. There's something in his eyes, something distant, and yet something familiar. Something that Castiel feels he knows. A peculiar sort of despair.

"I know how that feels, Cas."

Castiel wonders if Dean will ever open up to him about himself. About his father. He knows some things, which he picked up from their conversations here and there, but the actual incident is yet to be disclosed by Dean.

"Cas..."  
Dean breathes out, and a glance up is when Castiel notices the tears prickling his eyes.

"I know this is too much for you, Dean, and I swear, I don't want you to console me or anything. I don't want to burden you with all of this-"

All at once, Dean buries his face in the crook of Castiel's neck, arms still tight around him, as Castiel chuckles, running his fingers through Dean's hair, dropping his head against Dean's.

"Hey, it's okay, baby."

With a sigh, Dean pulls away, resting his head on Castiel's stomach, as he holds Castiel.

"I know... I just... No one should have to go through something like this, Cas. All alone at that? Seriously. I can't even imagine how much that must have hurt you; how much it changed you."

"Would you love me more if it hadn't?"

"Out of question, Cas, you don't need to change a single part of yourself, I love you like this."

It happens in a split second, and Dean's lips hang open as realization dawns upon his face. With a guilt expression, he gazes up at Castiel.

"I mean, if that's uhm, okay with you, obviously-"

"Of course it is. And I..."

Castiel gulps.

 _Should he really say this back to Dean? Maybe he should give it more time. Maybe he should_ -

Green eyes gaze up at him, thick fingers wrapping around his neck as Castiel stares down at Dean.

_Fuck it._

"I love you too, Dean. It's why I've called you here."

Dean gawks up at Castiel. Eyes unblinking for a moment.

"Did you just... Say it back?"

Castiel nods with a gulp.

"I did. I don't see why I shouldn't, especially when it's true."

Dean scoffs, eyes incredulous as he straightens up on his knees, studying Castiel eagerly for a long moment, as Castiel goes red under his gaze.

"Can you sit down?"  
Castiel squeaks out, tugging Dean's hand to settle him down.

Dean chuckles, and nods, before sitting down again, hand in hand with Castiel, eyes fixed onto Castiel's face.

"Now, uhm, about why I've been acting so, strange these days... It's... Also about Zach... So uh."

Castiel gulps.

"Remember that day you took me here for the first time? When we had lunch here?"

"Yeah."

"After we came back, and you dropped me back at the campus, Zach saw us. Mostly, he saw me kissing you."

"My cheek, cause you kept me in the friendzone."  
Dean snorts, and Castiel rolls his eyes.

"No, it's the, uh, my-insecurities-don't-allow me-to-be-happy-which-is-why-we're-friends zone."

It's a light hearted comment, and Dean breaks into a chuckle, throwing his head back as his body jerks to the sound. Castiel smiles. He wonders, distantly, if this is the most beautiful sound he's heard.

"Okay, anyway, listen. Lissteeennnn, Deeaaann-"  
Castiel pouts, and pinches Dean's cheeks, smushing his face and pulling him forward, feigning anger as he glares at Dean, who stops smiling abruptly, and clears his throat.

"Okay, ahem, okay, yes go on."

"So, after he saw us, he called me into his cabin. And then he started spewing his same old homophobic shit. Said you were 'poisoning' my mind. Said I shouldn't be with you. But I fought with him then. I thought, what would he do? Hit me? Now? Hell no. So I told him to shove it, he said I was going to hell, so I told him I'd see him there, old bastard."

Red spills into Castiel's eyes, and his muscles stiffen. His eyebrows draw in and he locks his jaw.

Anger burns through him at the mere thought of Zachariah Novak. He wonders at times, if taking up his mother's maiden name was a good idea, since it also happens to be Zachariah's.

"But then he- he found out my weak point, Dean. He said something I couldn't refuse."

Castiel looks up at Dean, eyes fixed pointedly into Dean's. There's concern in Dean's eyes, and it warms Castiel.

"He said he'd suspend you if I ever talked to you again. Said he'd fire you. That Crowley owed him a favour, and firing you is how he'd have it repaid. And I'm sorry, baby, I just, I couldn't say no- because- because we'd talked about your job in the morning, and you seemed so stressed, and I couldn't- I couldn't be the one to ruin that for you."  
Castiel mumbles, and all at once, his eyes are blurry, his head is racing, and yet, there's a hand on his face, a single hand, that pulls him back to the present, and Dean's staring straight at him.

As if nothing else exists.

As if Castiel is the world.

"Hey, hold on, you're saying, Zachariah held my job over you? He _blackmailed_ you?"  
Dean asks, a sharp edge in his voice.

Castiel's shoulders go lax, and he nods.

Dean's eyes widen, and he locks his jaw, his fists curling into balls where they hold Castiel, and he seems torn, taken aback at Castiel's words.

"He can't do that?!"

"I know-"  
Castiel begins, only to be cut off by Dean shaking his head, as if the entire thing is nothing but a lie to him, and he's trying to process it.

"Why didn't you tell me?! We could've done something-"  
He barks, and Castiel flinches. Evidently, Dean's face softens when he notices Castiel's reaction.

"I didn't have time, Dean, I had to make a decision on the spot-"

"So you give away your fucking freedom? To that disgusting fucking man? And for what, for me?!"  
Dean reaches out, and before he knows it, Castiel's face is cradled in Dean's hands.

"Yes?! Yes, I did, okay? I did. Because I wasn't thinking, okay? All I knew was that you couldn't afford to lose your job, and if that meant I stay away from you then so be it."  
Irritated, Castiel snaps, yelling until his eyes blink open and fix onto Dean's face.

Silence.

"You... You care for me that much?"  
Dean asks, barely a whisper.

Silence.

"More than you can imagine."  
Castiel swallows thick.

"Fuck."

Dean mutters, and drops his head back against the tree, eyes slipping shut.

For a moment, neither speak. Castiel can see it in the way Dean's Adam's apple bobs, the way his eyebrows scrunch and how his jaw locks and unlocks.

He's thinking.

"He... He put a condition on me... Said I had to give my phone to him, and that I had to swear never to see you or Sam again. Heck, he even made me leave my job at the library. I'm sorry Dean, the reason I've been so distant these past days, I... I kept thinking he'd fire you, and that day... At the library, when you came... I was already pissed, Dean, I'm sorry, it was my last day there. And when you came over, I don't think you noticed it, but Zach was right there."

Dean gulps.

"I did notice him. I just never knew what was going on."

"He was there to keep an eye on me. And then, you were just trying to tell me about your job, and I snapped at you-"

"I called you selfish. And indecisive."

 _He_ _did_.

Castiel swallows thick, nodding along to Dean's words, unsure of how to respond to them."

"Fuck. Fuck!"  
Dean growls, banging his fist down on the ground, bringing it up to rub his fingers over his temples.

"And then I couldn't even say anything... And Zach, that bastard, he said he was proud of me..."

"I'm going to kill that man, Castiel."

Castiel's eyes snap open, and travel up to Dean's face. The air around him has somehow shifted- it's charged, and Castiel can practically _see_ the rage boiling within his eyes.

"Dean-"

"No, I'm serious, Cas, you see that bastard again, tell him he's a dead man walking."

"Dean, no, listen to me, you're not going to fight anyone, just listen, I don't have to worry about him anymore, okay? Because you already got a new job, right? I went to Crowley's cabin in the morning, I thought you'd be there, but Crowley told me everything, okay? And Sam, I talked to him. Everything I just told you, he knows. He knows everything. And look, my deal with Zachariah doesn't stand anymore. I stole my phone from his cabin, and also some wine, just because."

Castiel sends Dean a little smile, kneeling up and moving closer to Dean, fingers entwined as Dean gazes up at him.

"It's over, okay? That chapter is closed. And if he tries anything again, I'll hand him over to the cops. Besides, I'm graduating this month, so is Sam, and I'll start looking for new places. Okay?"  
Castiel smiles, wide and assuring, and Dean nods. With a soft exhale, Castiel leans down to press a kiss to Dean's forehead, as Dean wraps his arms around Castiel's waist, pressing his cheek against Castiel's stomach, eyes shut solemnly.

_This. This feels like home. This is something Castiel could get used to._

"Cas?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm going to ask you a question now. Just answer- yes or no."

_What's he going to ask?_

"Uh, alright?"

Dean pulls back from Castiel's stomach, looking up at him with wide, pleading eyes.

"After graduation. Move in with me."

 _Woah_ _. Hold on. Hold on a goddamn second._

"What?"

"Yes or no, will you move in with me? I'm going to be moving away anyway, since Sam's considering applying to a law firm in L.A., and I don't want to be alone after he moves out."

Castiel considers it.

"I'll keep you happy, so happy, Cas, won't let anything hurt you, I promise."

 _On one hand, Dean, asking him to move in with him, eyes pleading and love-struck, promising to shower him with love, promising him an escape from his past. On the other, Castiel's past, holding onto him, pulling him back, compelling him to doubt and hesitate_.

 _Now or never,_ _Cas_.

"Dean I-"

"Yes or no?"  
Dean asks, voice heavy and broken.

_"You know, these past few weeks, more than a month now, the more I've gotten to know you, the more I've been falling, Castiel. So please, just tell me, straight to my face, yes or no? Do you want me or not? Because this shit is hurting me, okay? And you know damn right, it is."_

_"Dean, I... I do want you. I want you more and more, everyday, okay? But I don't know how this whole dating thing works? I don't know if I'll be able to keep you happy. Say, fifteen days down the line, do you think I'll still be fun to date? Give it a month, do you think it'll work out?"_

_"Things don't work themselves out, Castiel, we gotta make 'em work. And speaking of my happiness, that ain't your job, man. You're a part of my happiness, but you're not liable to keep my happy. All I want to know, is are you, or are you not willing to give this a shot? To give us a shot?"_

Castiel has an answer to that question now.

"Yes. I'll do it. I'll move in with you. And I'm going to give this a shot."

His head drops against Dean's, arms wrapping tight around his shoulders as he presses his lips to Dean's hair. A sob rises in his throat, although Castiel doesn't know why, and as if on cue, Dean sniffles.

"Thanks."

Castiel scrunches his nose, an unexpected chuckle slipping past his lips.

"Thanks? Really, Dean, _thanks_?"

"Sorry, erm, I didn't know what to say."  
Dean shakes his head with a soft blush.

Castiel chuckles, and for the first time in a long while, his face hurts from grinning so wide. He's sure Dean feels the same way.

It happens in an instance, Dean pulls Castiel into his lap and his grin has subdued, in its place, a hesitant pucker- okay, that's enough staring at Dean's lips.

That's right when Dean licks his lips, and Castiel can't help but imitate the action.

Time seems to still.

It's as if their bodies levitate towards each other, some absurd sort of friction crackling between the two of them, as Dean shuts his eyes, and all at once, soft, damp lips press against Castiel's, and then his eyes have slipped shut.

He doesn't see anymore.

He can only feel.

Gentle and exploring, Dean's lips suck at his bottom lip, and the distinct taste of the Hennessy is all over his lips, and he wonders, in the back of his mind, if Dean can taste the sugary soda on his lips just as prominently as Castiel can taste the beer.

His body shifts, rocking back as Dean's hands stable him from behind, holding him still in his arms as Dean's tongue prods at Castiel's lips, and it happens naturally, where Castiel parts his mouth, and the next thing he knows, Dean's tongue is sliding against his own. There's hands in his hair, tugging and caressing, and there's one wrapped tight around his waist. His own hands slide over to cup Dean's face, the other settled onto Dean's shoulder, as they deepen the kiss.

Around them, the trees sway, as they have been, and the stream flows just as smoothly as it has been, for it seems nothing around them has changed.

But Castiel knows, in that one moment where his lips met Dean's, everything changed.

_Everything._

Dean pulls away first, gasping for air, and Castiel opens his eyes.

He just kissed Dean Winchester.

_Castiel Novak just kissed Dean freaking Winchester_.

"God-fucking-damnit. I just kissed you."

Apparently, post-kiss Castiel has no brain to mouth filter.

Dean breaks into laughter, eyes filling with mirth, and Castiel thinks that must be the most beautiful man he's seen on the face of the earth.

_Next to Henry_ _Cavill_ , Castiel's brain supplies immediately.

"Yeah. You did. We did. And if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to do it again."  
Dean chimes, cocking an eye brow up.

"Smartass."  
Castiel rolls his eyes, and goes silent for a moment.

Dean sighs.

"I hate these awkward silences."

"I like them. Especially ones like these."  
Castiel lifts his lips into a little smile, running his fingers down the side of Dean's neck.

"Why? Isn't it uncomfortable? Not knowing what to say?"  
Dean asks, eyes studying Castiel's.

"It's only uncomfortable when you're with the wrong person."  
"Yeah?"

"Yeah... A silence in a conversation is like... A little spark. When it's with someone you know, you can diminish that spark, and light it up again, whenever you want, like a candle. And the feelings don't change. But when it's with someone you don't know... It's sort of a matchstick. You need to be careful not to let the spark diminish. So, you transfer it from one match to another, just trying to hold onto that little spark, but eventually it fades. It ends."

Dean smiles.  
"This. This is exactly why I love you, Cas. The way you think... I don't even know how you think of something like this... Never fails to amaze me."

Castiel can't help the blush that spread over his cheeks, and right as he dips down to bury his face in Dean's shoulder, Dean shifts, tilting his head to the side and capturing Castiel's lips in another soft kiss.

The second one is better than the first. There's more technique, there's more fervour, and there's a newfound passion. It's not hesitant anymore, it's bold and giving, and there's a generous amount of tongue.

_Okay, wow. This is what making out feels like. Nice_.

Arousal thrums under Castiel's skin, and every touch sends a spark bursting between them, as they kiss, hands roaming, bodies sliding, hips pressed together.

"Ungh-"  
Castiel cringes at the moan that escapes past his lips unknowingly, and Dean stills, panting against Castiel's lips, but not quite pressing them together.

"Not now. We're not doing... _That_... Now."

_What the fuck is a 'that'_?

"Huh?"

"Sex, Cas, not here. Not right now. It's too early, and we don't even have lube."

_Oh. That_.

"Right. Uhm, obviously."  
Castiel heaves a sigh, still gasping for air, eyes pointedly avoiding Dean's, until they meet for a fraction of a second, and Castiel makes the mistake of glancing down at Dean's- okay, no, no, no. None of that.

"Eyes up, Cas."

"Shut up."

_Okay, uh. Wow. Sex. Hah. What a concept . Great. Yeah. Not now. Not now_.

"Let's just eat, okay?"

"Food? You have food?"  
Dean asks, buzzing with excitement, reluctantly pulling away, as Castiel crawls off his lap and tugs his bag towards them.

"I do. It's like, hella cold, but uhm-"

"What is it?"

"Pizza."

"Oh, well, doesn't matter. Pizza's pizza."

"And I also made you a playlist."  
Castiel says, as pulls out a big box of pizza, and sets it between the two of them. Dean doesn't hold back, flipping the lip over and urging Castiel to have the first bite.

Castiel smiles and complies.

"A what?"  
Dean asks, chewing on his pizza brashly, but hey, who cares.

"A song playlist. Hold on."  
Castiel reaches back to grab his phone, and with a few taps, the bluetooth speaker next to them blinks to life, the familiar shrill of a guitar buzzing through it.

_Come closer,_  
 _And tell me the truth..._  
 _Make me cry,_  
 _Is it over?_  
 _Or are we finally_ _comin_ _' alive?_

Impressed, Dean quirks his bottom lip up.

"Look, I'm a classic rock guy-"

"I know."  
Castiel groans and rolls his eyes, cutting Dean off as he bites into his pizza again.

"But this isn't that bad."

"Oh, thank you, I know how much you hate every other genre except rock."

"I never said I hated-"

"Excuse me? I recall someone saying ' _rock is the best, everything else is just lousy modern wannabes_.'"

"I never said-"

Castiel levels him with a look.

"Oh please."

"Okay, fine, this is good, okay? This is good. It's not that bad."

Dean chimes, only making Castiel laugh out.

_Should we face it?_  
 _We're_ _lightin_ _' the room..._  
 _I can feel their eyes,_  
 _Let's embrace it..._  
 _Because I love the way it's making you move..._

"Hey Cas?"

"Hmm?"  
Castiel asks, bobbing his head absently to the beat of the music.

"I love you."

Castiel halts, and looks up at Dean, a smile twinkling in his eyes.

"I love you too."

_I'm never gonna quit it._   
_Back in love within a minute,_   
_We're dancing on the limit..._   
_But I love the way you're making me move..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I'm going to extend this to 14 chapters.- 1 final chapter (resolution) and 1 epilogue. 
> 
> Also... Should I keep this fic PG-13 or....? I need some opinions.  
> (Personally, I like it rated T, but I don't mind writing some action ;))
> 
> BTW: Song is 'Dancing on The Limit' by PRIZES.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mostly a filler but it's cas/Zach confrontation scene

Dean stumbles out of the car, as Castiel reaches to hold him steady.

"I told you not to drink all that beer."  
Castiel mumbles, and slips an arm under Dean's, as the other boy begins to slur.

"Was celebratin' sweet'eart-"

Dean laughs, soon followed by a yawn, as Castiel drags him up the stairs to his apartment, a stupid grin on his face.

It's quite late in the night, around 1 a.m., and since it's a Saturday tomorrow, neither of them seem bothered.

But it's true, they had celebrated. They never got around to drinking the expensive wine they stole from Zachariah, but Dean did encourage Castiel to smash it on the ground to pieces, which Castiel did, and man, that felt relieving, if he's being honest.

"Casss..."

"Almost there."  
Castiel grunts, as he struggles to press the button for the elevator. It takes a few moments of them simply standing in front of the metal door, Dean's head on his shoulder, hands wrapped around him, sleepy and inebriated, until the elevator arrives, and Castiel steps in, punching the 4th floor mark.

Another round of useless waiting and some even useless lift music later, the pair is standing outside of Castiel's apartment, his key in his hand, Dean in the other, as he tries to push the key in effortlessly, and fails, and smashes the key in, which surprisingly works, and twists the knob and pushes the door open.

"Come on, buddy, let's get you to bed."  
Castiel mutters, and bounces Dean on his shoulders, dragging him towards his bedroom, when all at once, the intercom buzzes.

_Ah, fuck it._

Castiel shakes his head, and although weary himself, continues to guide Dean to his bedroom, when Dean yells out.

"Phone's ringin'!"

"Shh."  
Castiel scolds him, and although he doesn't know why he feels repulsive towards loud noises at the moment, he blames it on the exhaustion.

"Cas?"

"Hmm?"  
Castiel hums, as he stills Dean against a wall, holding onto the lapel of his jacket.

"What're you doin'?"

"Taking you to bed."

"Whoa-ho, gunna stop you righ' there, kiddo-"  
Dean slurs, and tries to push Castiel away, only to fail and end up yawning.

"Not that kind of bed, you idiot."

"Not that I mind tapping this," Dean snorts, and slaps his hand over Castiel's ass, "-but I'm wayyy to sleepy right now..."

_God-dammit this is a child in a man's clothes._

"Will you just shut up for a moment? Hands of the ass, just shut up."  
Castiel pinches Dean's cheek, eliciting a soft ' _ow_ ' from him, right when the intercom buzzes again.

"Argh!"  
Castiel groans, and lets go of Dean, who crashes right to the ground the moment Castiel moves away to answer the intercom.

"Hello?"

"Uhm, yes, sir, there's someone here to see you?"

"Who is it, Ashton?"

Ashton is the security guard for their apartment.

"Uhm, it's an old man- _I'm not old_ \- his name is Zachariah."

_What is he doing here? Now?_

"Uh, just hand him the phone for a second, would you, Ash?"

"Sure."

There's shuffling over the line, and sure enough, the next moment Zachariah's voice rings through the receiver.

"Castiel."

"Zachariah."

" _Uncle_ Zachariah."

"Oh, please, I feel more than ashamed to call you family, dear uncle."

Castiel snarls, and Zachariah huffs, his voice gaining an edge as he continues.

"Let me in."

"No. I have guests over."  
Castiel bounces a shoulder, and then twists his head to glance back at Dean, who seems to be lying unconscious on the floor.

"Oh? What kind of guests?"

"The kind you hate. The kind you think poisons me."

"It's that pansy Winchester, isn't it?"

"Oh, yes. And we're doing all kinds of pansy stuff together."  
Castiel snorts, only fuelling Zachariah's annoyance.

"I need to talk to you. Let me up right now, Castiel Novak."

Castiel sighs.

_Well, in any case, this is his house, legally. So if things get nasty, he can just throw Zach out. He also needs to wake Dean up._

With a sigh, Castiel finally complies.

"Fine. Hand the phone to Ashton."

There is some rustling on the other end, and then a flat voice fills the line.

"Yes?"

"Ashton, send him up."

"Cool. You got a problem with this gramps, just ring me."

A smile pulls at Castiel's lips.

"Sure."

The line goes flat, and Castiel straightens up.

_Okay. Zachariah will be here in almost three minutes, considering the fact that the elevator is still on the floor where it dropped Castiel, which means he needs to wake Dean up in a minute flat._

_Out of his intoxication._

_Why is Castiel's life like this?_

With another groan, Castiel shoots up, dashes into a the kitchen, and smashes the button on his coffee maker, sending it whirring alive. He grabs a glass from the shelf and fills it with water, before heading over to where his boyfriend is lying unconscious, and kneels down beside him.

"Dean? Dean? Wake up-"  
He shakes Dean by the shoulder but to no avail. Oh shoot, Zachariah will be here in a second, and Dean can't just be lying here, drunk and useless.

"Dean? Wake up! Dean-"

A wicked idea pops into Castiel's mind.

With a sigh, Castiel holds the cup over Dean's face.

"Sorry babe, no time to lose."

Down it goes.

Right onto Dean's face.

"Son of a bitch-"  
Dean grimaces, pushing Castiel away, as he jolts up, shivering as the water seeps into his clothes.

"The hell, Cas?"

"Zachariah's on his way-"

The buzzer rings, drawing both Dean and Castiel's attention to it. Castiel pushes to his feet with a huff, and clasps his hands around Dean's arms, heaving him up.

"Zachariah, my uncle, he's here right now. I want you to behave."

"How are you so stronggg...? Dunno whether I should be scared or horny."

"Dean."  
Castiel glares, and fixes him with a pointed look, instantly shutting him up with an embarrassed look, before taking a deep breath and walking over to the door.

_It's alright, Castiel. You have the upper hand on this._

The lock clicks, and the door creaks open. Standing tall and furious in front of Castiel, is Zachariah, bundled up into a cardigan, even though the city is well into spring.

"Castiel."

"Zachariah."

He steps in, brushing past Castiel, as if he own the place, and Castiel watches as he gasps at the sight of a very drowsy Dean.

"Winchester."

"Hey, professor," Dean yawns, and then flashes a wide, fake smile, "-forgot your minions back at the lab?"

_Even drunk he hasn't lost his snark._

Castiel refrains from commenting, instead watching as Zachariah fails to understand Dean's reference, and rolls his eyes at him. With the door locked and shut, Castiel turns to Zachariah, and considers giving him some water, before deciding against it.

"So, what are you doing here right now? It's literally one in the morning."  
Castiel asks.

"Well, I'd been waiting for you. _Someone_ stole their phone from my office, along with a bottle of wine, and also, failed to adhere to the conditions I'd imposed upon them."

Castiel smiles.  
"Oh, that someone happens to be me, dear uncle."

Zachariah fixes him with a blunt look, which Castiel answers to with a look of his own. Zachariah shakes his head and digs his hands into the pockets of his cardigan, gaze traveling all over the room, studying Castiel's apartment.

"You know, I'm here to reprimand you Castiel. You stole your phone, you stole my own wine, you snuck out all night, to meet with the one person I asked you not to. Obviously, a punishment seems in line for you."

"As if. News flash, Zach, Dean found a new job. It's been days since he did. And now that he's already resigned work, it means you have absolutely no power over him, or me for that matter. And do you know what that means? It means our deal is dissolved."  
Castiel snaps, hands folded over his chest as he glares at Zach.

"That's right, you tell him, sweetheart."  
Dean slurs from across the room, and Zachariah grunts, pacing over to Castiel. His eyes are wide and furious, and his lips are turned up in a scowl. Although he isn't taller than Castiel, he isn't quite short either, and ends up successfully cornering Castiel against the door.

"You disgusting, filthy-"

"This is my house. Watch your tongue."  
Castiel growls, hands already balled up into fists as he glares down at Zachariah.

Zach scoffs, and rolls his eyes at Castiel, throwing a glance behind at Dean before turning back to Castiel.

"Don't you feel an ounce of shame? Don't you feel like a disappointment? While that good-for-nothing father of yours was killing himself with rum each night, your mother worked until her last breath, always trying to make sure you were well-fed," Zachariah's musty breath makes Castiel grimace, and he looks down at his feet, unable to answer,"-Me? I did my hardest to make sure you grew up normal, and this is what you repay our struggle with? More embarrassment, more failure, more disappointment? Shame on you, you ingrate-"

"Calm down, grandpa-"  
Dean yells, grabbing himself a mug of coffee, as he scowls.

"This is between family, you pansy-"

"Dean _is_ family. He's more family to me than you have been in twenty-two years."  
Castiel stomps his foot between Zach and himself, puffing his chest out to tower over the older man.

Zachariah takes a step back, certainly caught off-guard by the assertive comment, and his eyes flicker between Dean and Castiel.

"You sinners. You disgusting, filthy-"

"Please, Zachariah, spare us the drama. If there's anyone going to hell first, it's you. Beating up a sixteen-year-old, locking them in the room, starving them, not to mention all the money you'd steal from my naive mother, and you have the audacity to come in here and shout at me?! You lying, old bastard-"  
Castiel's voice raises a notch, and although in his anger, he can't sense the shift, Dean does, and is quick to point it out, as Zachariah listens, stunned.

"Cas, calm down-"  
Dean interjects, only for Castiel to glare at him and dismiss him with a wave of his hand.  
"I'm calm, Dean, damnit, don't interrupt me."

"Steal? From your mother? What makes you think I- I would something like- like that?"  
Zachariah questions, more offended than he should be, considering he's lying straight through his crooked yellow teeth.

A groan rises at the back of Castiel's throat, but he refrains from letting it out as he fixes Zachariah with a sharp glare, glueing the man in his place.  
"Don't lie to my face. I know you messed up our finances, the moment mom asked you to take over, but I never said anything. How could I? And you know what the saddest part about this is? You should be in jail. For every single thing you did. You should be rotting until you're nothing but bones behind the bars, and yet you're standing here as if you're some saint, and not a massive fucking dickhead."

"Castiel. Mind your tongue."  
Zachariah grits out, wide-eyed as he raises his finger at Castiel, who simply swats it away.

"Don't you dare tell me what to do."

Castiel's eyes fix into Zachariah's and all at once, everything becomes clear.

He can see it all.

The vile, foul corruption that runs through him. The thirst to be a hero, but the knowledge of being a monster deep down. Castiel can see, Zachariah already knows what he is. The monster he is.

He just doesn't care about it.

And all this 'you're a sinner, the Lord hates you, go to hell' business, it's all a disguise.

Deep down, Zachariah has already become the thing he despises the most. And Castiel can see that. He can see that Zachariah knows what he is.

In a split second, in the blink of an eye, Castiel makes a decision.

He will not become what his uncle did. He will rise above him.

He will choose mercy.

"Sweetheart? You okay?"  
Dean's voice snaps Castiel out of his daze, and his eyes meet Dean's over Zach's shoulder. A soft smile tugs at the corner of his lips, and he gives a short nod.

"Yes."

Castiel says, and moves away, grabbing a glass from the shelf, filling it with water and walking over to hand it to Zachariah, who accepts it with hesitance, as Castiel regards him.

"Drink that, and leave my home once you're done."

"Wha-?"

Zachariah mumbles, and behind him, Castiel notices Dean stand up. His attention is drawn back to Zach, as the man gulps the water down and shoves the glass back into Castiel's hands.

"Your mother wanted you to be a normal, happy man. Not a disappointment to the family."  
Zachariah says.

"I think we both know who the real disappointment is, uncle Zach."

A beat passes, where silence lingers in the air. Castiel clinks his fingernails against the glass, as Zachariah stands, simply taking in the events of the past while.

"I can't believe you'd willingly choose to ruin your life, Castiel."

"I learnt it from you, after all."

"Can you give me a straight answer?"

"Why? Do I owe you one?"

Castiel asks, and for a moment, Zachariah is rendered speechless.

"I-"

At his uncle's silence, Castiel takes the lead again, and this time, makes his point clear enough to reach home.  
"You must leave, uncle. I wish I could say being with you has been wonderful, but my mother taught me to say only what I felt, and so, I'd like to tell you I'm moving, after I graduate. I won't be here. I won't be in your way, you won't be in mine. I'll be living with Dean, far away from here."

"Castiel-"  
Zachariah begins, but Castiel simply holds his hand up, signifying the end of the conversation.

"Please, just leave. And it's best if we never talk again."

Right as Castiel turns, letting Zachariah see himself out, Dean speaks up, walking over to Castiel with unsteady steps, but a sharp glint of anger in his eyes, lips turned down in a scowl.

"Wait- you're just letting him go?" He shrugs, waving a hand towards Zach, "-After everything he's done? Say the word and I'll knock his ass out, baby, just-"

Castiel shakes his head, a smile spreading across his lips as he takes Dean's face in his hands.

"That's the thing, Dean, I'm not him. I'm not someone who thinks action is always the end to conflict, because it's not. And I'm choosing to forget him, not forgive him, because he doesn't mean anything to me. Why should I waste my time, my energy, my mental health, just so I can try and reason with someone who simply doesn't want to learn? It's best he leaves, because look, I frankly don't give a shit about him."

Dean nods after a beat, and his hands settle onto Castiel's waist, before reaching up to brush a stray tuft of hair away from his forehead.

"If that's what you want, Cas, okay."

"Eugh-"  
Zachariah retches from behind them, and Castiel simply rolls his eyes, deliberately stealing a kiss off Dean's lips, just to gauge Zachariah's disgusted expression, before turning to him.

"Just leave, uncle Zach."  
Castiel says, moving towards the front door, as he clicks the lock and pulls it wide open.

"Naomi wouldn't want this."  
Zachariah sighs, and Castiel squeezes his eyes shut.

All at once, Castiel sees his mom in front of him. Laughing, smiling. She's wearing a beautiful sundress as she walks on the grass barefoot. Castiel must have been barely seven, but he remembers this. She's shining, like the bright, yellow sun above her.

With a deep breath, he speaks up. But this time, he knows it's the last thing he's going to say to this man.  
"How do you know? Did she come down from Heaven to tell you? Who do you even think you are, speaking on behalf of my mother? To me? Before I lose my temper, leave, or I'll simply give in to Dean's idea and knock you out right here on my carpet."

"You're going to Hell, sinners."  
Zachariah hisses, staring between Castiel and Dean as he backs away.

"Great, we'll see you there, old man."  
Dean barks, and sets a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

The door slams shut, and Castiel lets his eyes open.

"Hey, it's okay, he's gone."

"I know... I'm okay."

Dean smiles down at him, before pressing his chest against Castiel's and wrapping him around in a snug embrace.

For a few seconds, Castiel lets his head rest against Dean's shoulder, simply breathing in the scent of his cologne, that has already lost some of its edge, and after feeling Dean press a soft kiss to his hair, he pulls away.

"You okay?"

"Yeah. Never been better."  
Castiel snorts. His eyes track Dean as the older boy yawns and snuggles into Castiel's neck, eliciting a soft chuckle from Castiel, who strokes his back.

_No more Zachariah. At least Castiel hopes._

_It's over. This chapter's closed. Things will get better now._

"Okay, babe, I know this feels amazing, but can you like... Take me to your room... I'm sleepy..."

Castiel laughs.

"Of course. C'mon, this way, big boy."  
He says, and tugs Dean towards the bedroom.

_Things will get better now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay two more chaps to go and since most of y'all wanted it I'll be including the sex in the epilogue alright


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wow there's literally only one more chapter left im gonna cry

Graduation.

Castiel has worked so hard to get through this. Not to mention how much he's grown over these past few years, more so, these past few months.

Around him, a steady flow of chatter lingers on in the campus garden, and he shuts his eyes, letting the sun shine warm upon his face, and the cool breeze, a stark contrast to the heat, kisses his skin and shies away. From around him, he hears rustling, but doesn't quite bother about it, until the mortarboard on his head is flung off and his eyes snap open.

The moment he turns, he's being wrapped in a crushing hug.

"Hey Cas."  
Dean smiles, arms squeezing Castiel against his chest until he's breathless, and all Castiel can do is laugh.

"Dean."  
He says, and squirms out of Dean's arms, reaching up to press his lips onto Dean's, who gives in naturally, hands settling around Castiel's waist.

"So proud of you, sweetheart."  
Dean mumbles after they pull away, burying his head in the crook of Castiel's shoulder.

They stay that way for a moment, at ease with their surroundings, simply basking in the joy of the moment, before Sam calls out to them from a few feet away.

"Dean?! Cas?! C'mere!"

Castiel steps away, hands entwined with Dean's, as he peeks at Sam from above Dean's shoulder. He's wearing the same gown as Castiel, his mortarboard in his hands, and next to him, Bobby stands, watching Castiel.

After sending them both a smile, Castiel looks back up at Dean, whose eyes are fixed onto Castiel's face, as if utterly enraptured by him. It makes Castiel chuckle and a warm pink tint spreads across his face, as he pushes Dean's face away playfully.

"Stop it."

"Stop what?"  
Dean snorts, a loony smile on his face.

"Looking at me like that."

"But I love you, so much. And I'm so proud of you."

Castiel rolls his eyes, but gives in anyway, smiling again, so much that his jaw begins to hurt, and before long, he tugs Dean's hand, and drags him over to where Sam and Bobby are standing. On further inspection, Castiel finds, Missouri, Charlie, Benny and Jo are standing there as well, engrossed in conversation. Charlie's hand is slung around Jo's shoulders, and Benny is leaning against a tree.

"Hey guys."  
Dean calls out, and everyone's eyes shift onto Castiel.

"Cas!"

"Oh my god!"

"Hey!"

One moment Castiel is standing next to Dean, hand in hand, the other, he's being pulled into a crushing hug by two tiny, yet somehow strong women.

"Ladies, ladies, careful. Don't wanna give him a concussion an hour after graduating."  
Dean laughs, and Castiel laughs along, spreading his hands to give Charlie and Jo a tight hug, after which Benny shakes his hand, followed by Sam, who fist bumps him.

"Hey guys."  
Castiel mumbles, dizzy with all the movement and hugging. With a sigh, he shifts closer to Missouri.

"Hey baby."  
She greets, and wraps him in a hug, stroking his hand over Castiel's back.

After the little confrontation with Zachariah, Castiel had immediately left the restaurant to work back at the library. After all, it was as a second home to him.

Castiel shuts his eyes.

It feels nice. Being hugged like this.

For a moment, it's as if Naomi is hugging him, whispering to him how proud she is.

_No crying, Castiel. It's a special day today._

A deep breath.

_Mom should've been here._

"Thank you for coming, Missouri."

"Hell if I miss it. And don't you thank me, boy, you're family."  
Missouri smiles, and kisses his cheek, before pulling away. He holds her hands in his own, giving them a light squeeze as he gazes at her.

"Mom couldn't make it. But I'm glad you're here."

His lips quiver, no matter how hard he tries to refrain them, and Missouri seems to have noticed the tears in his eyes, because she tilts her head, a caring expression in her eyes, as she cups Castiel's cheek.

"I know she's watching over you, like an angel."

Castiel nods, pressing his lips flat in hopes of refraining his tears.

A hand settles onto his shoulder, and he looks back, only to meet Bobby's face.

This past month, Castiel's become quite close to Dean's friends. Hell, he even managed to become one of Benny's best friends, going as far as helping him shop for his girlfriend. Charlie, Jo and Castiel have grown extremely close as well, especially Charlie and Cas. Of course, they get to bitch about Dean's stupidity, without Dean minding, which might as well be the founding stone to their relationship. A few weeks ago, Dean also introduced Castiel to Bobby, and although Castiel only knew Bobby from the college, he was glad to meet him in person. Judging from Dean's words, Bobby seemed quite impressed with Dean's choice. All in all, Castiel has grown quite close to Dean's family.

"Coach Sing- Bobby."  
Castiel says, and Bobby claps him on the shoulder.

"Hello boy, you feeling good?"

"Oh, I'm wonderful, I just wanted to come meet you."

A softness glints in Bobby's eyes, and he narrows his eyes at Castiel, a light smile on his lips.

"Really? That's uh, that's real nice of ya'."

Castiel smiles, and nods, before a hand on his shoulder draws his attention. It's Dean.

Wordlessly, he tugs Castiel's hand, pulling him away from the crowd. Castiel goes willingly.

 _Boyfriend_.

Dean is his boyfriend.

The word just fits.

"Where are we going?"

Dean stops, and turns back, his apple green eyes studying Castiel, before a light smile tugs at his lips, and he steps closer, broad hands sliding against Castiel's neck, as he leans down, only for Castiel to nudge him away by a push to his shoulder.

"Tell me first."

"Nowhere, I just wanted to be alone with you."

"And why did you want that?"

"Do I need to explain why I want to be alone with my boyfriend?"

Castiel smirks, thumb stroking the stubble on Dean's jaw.

"When there's people waiting for us, yes."

Dean sighs in defeat, and hangs his head, resting it against Castiel's forehead, eliciting a chuckle from the younger boy. Without a word, Castiel stretches his arms out and wraps them around Dean's neck.

"Missed you."

Castiel laughs.  
"I'm right here?"

"Still. I just... I'm feeling... Weird."

Castiel pulls away, Dean's arms loosening around him, as he scrunches his face and inspects Dean.

_Feeling weird? Why?_

"What's wrong? Did you eat something bad?"

"Not like that, silly, just in general, it's like I'm feeling too much..."

Castiel blinks.

"Oo... Kay?"

A beat passes, before Dean shakes his head and smiles, pulling Castiel closer, as he buries his head in Castiel's neck.

This. This feels like peace. Like home. Like all the joy in the world has saturated into a simple hug.

"Dean? Cas? Guys?"

A noise calls out, and both men look towards it, only to see Charlie, standing with her hands on her chest and eyes narrowed. She smiles softly, and walks over to them as they pull away.

"Please tell me a hug is all you guys were doing."  
She asks, eyebrows raised.

"Oh it's alright, we threw the condoms away."  
Dean snickers, immediately earning a groan from Charlie and Castiel.

" _Idiot_ \- No, Charlie, we weren't doing anything else. This big baby wanted to be alone for a while." Castiel scoffs. 

Charlie smiles.  
"Well, anyway, everyone's leaving. We're headed to the Roadhouse, okay? C'mon, we'll be late, and Ellen's waiting."  
She walks away from the pair, and before Castiel can follow after her, Dean tugs at his wrist, causing Castiel to stop and turn back.

"Hmm?"

"We're telling them today, right?"  
Dean asks.

_What is he talking-oh- the news._

Castiel smiles.

"Right."

"Good. You feeling good?"

_Typical Dean. Always making sure Castiel's alright._

"Of course I am, baby. You're here, of course I'm feeling good."

They don't speak for a moment, and in a blink, Dean's eyes drop down to Castiel's lips, a silent question, and without any hesitation, Castiel licks his lips, leaning up to meet Dean's lips halfway.

A soft peck.

That's all Castiel leaves him with, before turning away and pulling Dean along as they head over to where the rest are. Dean doesn't say anything for the while.

"Where have you been?"  
Sam exclaims as they re-enter the crowd, and all at once, the silence and tranquility from before has vanished, and been replaced with chatter and cheering.

"Dean needed a moment."  
Castiel says, and watches as Sam's eyes linger on Dean suspiciously before moving away and smiling.

"Cool, we're all leaving. Missouri and Bobby are coming with y'all, me, Ben, Charles and Jo are going in Charlie's car, 'kay?"

"Sure."  
Castiel answers, and looks up at Dean after Sam moves away.

There's something in his eyes, something heart-breaking, something numb. Something that resembles fear.

"Dean? What's wrong, sweetheart?"  
Castiel asks, hands entwined within Dean's.

Dark green eyes meet Castiel's, and Castiel can't help but gasp.

"I just... I can't believe you're here."

"What? What do you mean?"

"I just... I've wanted you for so long, Castiel, and now I finally have you. I just don't want to mess this up."

Castiel sighs.  
"You think I'm going to leave? You think there's anything else out there in the world that even comes close to what this means to me? Dean, you're all the family I have, and look, I'm just as scared as you are for what's to come, but you know what, I have you, and that's what makes me feel brave. Okay? So, please, don't ever feel like you're alone in this. And for God's sake, let's move, before Missouri and Ellen shout at us for being late."  
Castiel says, hands squeezing between Dean's arms to wrap his arms around Dean's torso.

"I love you."

Castiel looks up at Dean.  
"I love you too, Dean."

"Won't ever hurt you.".  
Dean mumbles, and nuzzles against Castiel nose, drawing a chuckle out of the younger man.

When Castiel pulls away this time, there's a beaming smile on Dean's face.

"C'mon."  
Castiel whispers, and Dean nods, before they walk towards the gate of the campus, where Dean's car is parked around.

The walk towards the campus gate is short, and the pair reach there in about five minutes, only stopping once when Castiel bids one of his teacher's goodbye. Zachariah is there, watching them from afar, and Castiel notices him. Castiel doesn't quite know if Dean notices him as well, but Zachariah attempts at sending Castiel a brief smile, only for Castiel to look away and continue onwards.

They reach the gate, and walk a few metres down to where Bobby and Missouri are waiting, Bobby leaning against Dean's car and Missouri with her purse in her arms.

"Boy, if you was gonna be a minute late I was gon' drive off in that darn stinker of yours."  
Missouri scoffs, and Dean pouts at her.

"Are you calling my baby a stinker?" Then towards his car, "-is this old woman calling you a stinker, baby? Don't listen to her."

Missouri shakes her head, a light smile on her face, as Dean unlocks the car and gets in. Bobby, the gentleman he is, opens the door for Missouri, and allows her to settle in, before crossing over to the other side and shuffling in next to her. Castiel slips into the car next to Dean on the front seat, and flattens his robe, taking his mortarboard off his head and setting it neatly on his lap.

"Alright, let's get this show started."  
He mumbles, to no one in particular, a habit that Dean acts out quite often, Castiel knows.

He puts his hand behind Castiel's seat as he backs out of the parking, and then with some glances forward and back, he pulls off the side and gets on the main road.

"So, what plans you got after this, kid?"  
Bobby asks, and Castiel has already told him before, but Bobby must have forgotten. That or he just wants the silence in the car to be broken.

"Oh, I've applied for a few jobs already. There's one in particular that I like, it's across the city, but it's reputed. It's a publishing company, and I've applied as an editor. Hopefully I get it, but if I don't, I do have back ups. Either that or there's an opening for a junior journalist in LawrenceNow, which I wouldn't mind either."

"Wow, you know what you're talking about, don't ya. Don't think I knew all that when I was you age."

"Times are changin', ya ol' grump." Dean chides. 

"Just cause I've a couple grey hairs don't mean I won't whoop your ass the same."  
Bobby scoffs, and Dean rolls his eyes at him playfully as Castiel and Missouri chuckle.

"But it's good, s'good, no doubt. How's your work been, Dean?"  
Bobby follows up, and Castiel looks to Dean, who's got one hand on the wheel and the other on Castiel's thigh.

"Eh, it's been good. Same thing for a while, nothing new for now, everything's going good. We've got this new client coming in, in a few weeks. Hoping they'll put me on the project, though."

"Well, you're darned good, they'd be idiots if they don't."

"Ah, Bobby, wish you were my boss."  
Dean sighs with a smile, and the car goes silent again.

A few moments pass, and Castiel leans his hand on the open window, head resting on them as he gazes out of the window.

Wow.

Everything feels so... Ordinary.

Nobody to meddle between them. Nothing to keep them apart. Some days Castiel's insecurities get the best of him, and on those days, Dean comes home early, as if he simply knows how Castiel is feeling after a single phone call. He makes Castiel burgers, puts on some Netflix for him, and plays with his hair until he falls asleep.  
In reality, it's Dean who's the first to fall asleep, hands still in Castiel's hair. And Castiel hears the light snores coming from above him, which never fail to make him smile, before he drags Dean to bed.

On those nights, Castiel always watches Dean sleep, for as long his eyes can physically stay awake. His calm, tranquil face, the light snores, his lips hanging apart slightly, his ruffled caramel hair against the soft pillow.

And Castiel prays. Not to ask for anything, but to simply thank, whoever is out there in the world, listening to him, for _this_.

The hand on his thigh moves, and Castiel turns his head to Dean. Dean tries to look at him, only turning his head while his eyes are still on the road, and a second later they're on Castiel.

His bounces his eye brows, a silent question, and Castiel shakes his head, sighing before taking Dean's hand in his own. Dean turns his attention back to the road, but not before glancing at Castiel, and sending him an assuring smile.

"Alright, here we are."  
Dean says, as they pull into the little parking lot of Ellen's restaurant, which although doesn't have much of a mainstream popularity, runs quite well, owing to it's reputation with the locals.

"Looks like Charles got here already."

"Well, she didn't waste her time dilly-dallying 'round the campus, so figures."

"Bobby, I love you, I really do, but will you shut up for a god-darned minute?"  
Dean says with exasperation, as he kills the engine. Missouri snorts, and steps out the car, followed by Dean, Castiel and Bobby.

The group fall into a comfortable conversation about the Roadhouse, mostly Missouri and Bobby.

"We got a little surprise for you in there."  
Dean whispers to Castiel, as they step to the front of the Roadhouse. His arm slips around Castiel's waist, something that Castiel knows Dean does when he's feeling possessive, and Castiel smiles.

"Really? What?"

"You'll see."  
Dean smirks, and pushes the door open. They take a step inside, and right as they enter, a loud pop rings through the room, and Castiel flinches. Before he knows it, there's pieces of paper falling on him.

"Surprise!"

Castiel opens his eyes and studies the paper, no- confetti, and looks up at the group of people around him. Ellen, Charlie, Benny, Jo, Garth, Ash, all of them are here, and Castiel laughs, brushing some confetti off his hair.

In a flash, Ellen's on him, wrapping him in a tight hug, rubbing his back as she whispers,   
"Congratulations, honey. We're so proud of you."

"Thanks Ellen."

Castiel mutters, and gives her a final squeeze before pulling away.

Everybody disperses around, falling into chatter with one or another, and Sam approaches Castiel, holding his fists up, and Castiel bumps them with his own, a wicked smile on his face as Sam leans in for an awkward side hug.

"We made it, bro."  
Sam chuckles as he pulls away, and claps Castiel on the shoulder.

"We did, didn't we."

"Everything's gonna change now. New life, new job-"

"New girlfriend."  
Castiel adds, and Sam laughs.

"Hopefully... Man, you're gonna be stuck with Dean now, sucks to be you I guess."  
Sam mocks, and Castiel sighs.

"Wouldn't have it any other way though."

"I'm just kidding, but yeah, y'all make a good team."

Castiel laughs at that, eyes fixing onto Sam again.

It's going to be hard saying goodbye to Sam when he leaves. He's been one of the closest, and few friends that Castiel's had, much less opened up to, and part of him really doesn't want Sam to go.

After all, if he leaves, who's going to bitch with him about Dean's crazy antics? Except Charlie? 

"I'm gonna miss you, Sam."

"Hey, I'm gonna miss you too. But we'll Skype, we'll call, we'll stay in touch."

Castiel nods, and Sam smiles at him. A beat passes between them, before Castiel speaks up.

"You worried about telling everyone?"

Sam sighs, and his eyes wander away, to some mundane part on the wall.  
"A little. Mostly, I'm scared they'll make a big deal out of it. I mean, it's just California, not Czechoslovakia."

"It is to us. And these guys, they've known you so long, loved you for so long. They're just looking out for you. I know you can manage yourself, and they know you can too, they just... They care. That's all."  
Castiel soothes a hand over Sam's shoulder, and he nods.

"You're right, I know, but it's this lingering feeling I can't get rid off..."

"Don't worry a bit. They want what's best for you. So just relax."  
Castiel assures him, and Sam turns to answer, right when Ellen calls out to them.

"So are y'all gonna stand there the whole time? 'Cause this party that says 'Happy Graduation' sure as hell ain't for me."  
She snarks, and claps both of them on the back, a little harder than both of them would've liked, if it's any telling by the wince on Sam's face.

"C'mon," She says to Castiel, "-that man of yours has lost himself within a tower of burgers and beer, let's go join him."  
She laughs, and Castiel smiles, peeking over her shoulder to see Dean, about three burgers in his plate, a whole bunch of fries and a bottle of beer in front of him, deep in conversation with Benny.

Ellen walks away, taking a detour through the kitchen, but Sam and Castiel settle at the huge table, which is actually two tables joint together, and while Sam ends up next to Bobby, Castiel inevitably ends up next to Dean.

"Babe, try these burgers, god, this is better than anything I have ever had before."

"Even my shrimp alfredo? And my pancakes? And my smoothies?"

Castiel teases, and Dean freezes mid-action, his burger hovering right in front of his mouth, a fearful look in his eyes.

Someone behind him laughs, and Castiel watches as Dean visibly gulps, his Adam's apple bobbing, as he considers his odds.

Castiel laughs, slapping Dean's back and watching as his shoulders go lax.  
"I'm kidding, hon, of course this is better."

Dean sighs with relief and chomps into the burger.  
"Reawlly- puh me ohn da shpot dere-"

Castiel laughs, and Dean slides his plate towards Castiel.  
"Have some till we get more."

Castiel smiles at him, reaching his thumb up to flick some ketchup off the corner of Dean's lip, as Dean sends him a shy smile, his cheeks evidently red and eyes moving around nervously.

"Dean."  
He says, after swallowing down a bite of the burger.

"What?"

"We have something to announce."

Dean looks at him for a second, as if he doesn't have the slightest god-darned clue as to what Castiel is saying.

"Huh?"

Castiel rolls his eyes.

He glances at the table, everyone's engrossed within their own conversations and food, and Castiel leans closer to Dean's ear to whisper.

Dean's eyes widen and his mouth parts in realization.  
"Ahh... Yeah, sure, hold on, lemme' check with Sammy- _Sammy!_ "  
He turns to Sam, and Sam, already aware of what Dean is trying to say, nods.

 _At least one of them isn't a complete bimbo._  
Castiel wonders, and laughs to himself, linking his arm through Dean's, feeling a sudden gush of affection, while using the other to sip his beer.

"Hmm?"

"Nothing, just thinking."  
Castiel mutters, and bumps his shoulder against Dean's, before turning back to the table.

"Okay, guys, guys, is everyone here? Ellen, is she here too?"

Ellen calls out from a few feet away.

"Coming, hold on."

Ellen says something to someone, and pats them on the back, before walking over to the table, where Bobby respectfully shifts, allowing Ellen to take a seat.

Under the table, Dean holds onto Castiel's hand and gives it a light squeeze.

"So, what is it? Y'all got something to say?"  
Missouri asks, and Sam speaks up.

_Yes, it's all going as planned. Let's hope they approve._

"Yeah, well, uhm, Dean, Cas, and I, we got something to say. Uhm, so... I'm not going to beat around the bush or anything, 'cause you know, you're my family, and I know you all support me, and love me and care for me the way I am, but uh-"

"Are you coming out as bi too?"  
Charlie pipes up, and Sam's eyes blow wide.

"What, uh no, I'm not coming out as anything, I just wanted to say..." Sam takes a deep breath, and glances at Castiel, then around the table.

"I'm moving. To California. There's a law firm in L.A, a real good one too, and they're hiring, only the best-"

"And you _are_ the best."  
Dean chimes, letting Sam continue.

"-and I applied there. They saw my documents, saw my potential, and they hired me. It's the biggest one in L.A, okay, and it deals with celebs too. It's what I've always wanted, guy, and I'm going to be moving in a month."

The table is silent for a moment, before Charlie speaks up.

"That's hella dope, Sammy boy, I'm literally so freaking proud of you."

She reaches out to take Sam's hands in her own, and gives him a light hug from where she's sitting next to him.

Bobby, who's already aware of the plan, and has been a part of Sam and Dean's journey this whole time, simply smiles. There's pride in his eyes, and Castiel smiles at the blatant affection in everyone's eyes.

It's nice to be a part of the Winchester pack.

"Oh, sweet heart, that's wonderful... When did you even-?"

"I got the acceptance letter a few days ago. Thought I'd break the news today."

Castiel glances up at Dean, and his eyes are fixed onto Sam, a peculiar affection bubbling within, accompanied by pride and joy. God, he really loves his brother, doesn't he. Castiel gives Dean's hand a light squeeze, and Dean blinks his glassy eyes before looking down at Castiel.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, uh, totally."

"It's okay to be emotional about this, Dean, I know it's hard to see him move away, but it's for him. He wants this. And the best thing you can do is trust in him right now."

Dean nods, and flicks a stray tuft of hair away from Castiel's face.  
"I know."

"-which brings me to the fact that Dean and Castiel also have something to announce."  
Sam says, and the pair look at him at the mention of their names.

"Maybe when they're done being all mushy with each other."

"Well, sorry you're single, Sammy, maybe if you had a girlfriend, you'd be too."  
Dean chaffs, and Charlie laughs, joined by Jo and Benny.

"Alright, enough guys, we'd just like to say, that in the light of Sam moving to L.A," Castiel turns to Dean, a resolute glint in his eyes, "-Dean and I have decided to move in together."

Charlie is the first to celebrate, holding her beer bottle up.

"Cheers, mate, I'll drink to that!"  
She says, in an unsuccessful British accent, causing the table to laugh. 

"But for real, guys, that's really great. We didn't think it'd be that soon, but totally not complaining."  
Jo says, and takes a sip of her beer. Castiel smiles at her.

"Truth is, we hadn't thought of it this early either. But with some issues with Cas's family, and well, of course, Sam moving out, we thought the time was right. Besides, if Castiel gets the job he wants, at LawrenceNow, it'll all work out aces. The office is just a short walk away, and my work's thirty minutes away as well."  
Dean clears it up, and everyone nods in understanding, before Missouri speaks up.

"That's great boys, it really is. Just don't forget about us when y'all move, you especially, Cassie."  
She winks, and Castiel beams at her.

"Of course not, Missouri, how would I ever forget you? Oh, and we're planning a little party, after I move in, and everyone's obviously invited."  
Castiel says, and Ellen speaks up.

"Bob, you been, awfully quiet for a while, care to share your thoughts with the class?"

"Oh, I know all of it already. Ya' think I wouldn't? When I'm living with these loose-lipped idjits in my house?"

"You proud of them?" Ellen asks. 

"As proud as a Republican on the fourth of July."

The table bursts into laughter, and soon subdues with everyone returning to their conversations with one another.

Seven plates of burgers, more than twenty beers, and almost ten plates of fries and onion rings later, everyone's full, rubbing their stomachs and groaning.

"Ellen, if we get diabetes, s'all your fault."  
Benny snorts, and Charlie slings her arm around him on one side, the other around Jo.

"Oh, hell yeah. I'm suing you."  
She jokes, and sighs, resting her head back against the wall.

Castiel slumps against Dean, who slumps against Castiel as well, and they laugh at the timing, before groaning.

"Man, I have never been so full before."  
Castiel says, and Dean laughs, a wicked, dirty laugh, and immediately Castiel knows _why_ exactly Dean is laughing at him. Dean tries to sit up, and right as he opens his mouth to speak, Charlie pipes up from across.

"I swear to fucking god, Dean, if you make another inappropriate joke about that sentence, I will strangle you."

Dean can't respond.

He's too busy wheezing.

"Ugh."  
Castiel rolls his eyes, and jabs Dean in the rib, only causing him to chuckle louder.

"Okay, it's not that funny anymore either."

"Sorry, I just," Dean leans down to whisper in Castiel's ears, and Castiel's eyes widen, before he pushes Dean away.

"You are so gross, Dean."  
Castiel sighs, and shakes his head.

"So... Should we hit the road, fellas?"  
Benny speaks up, and Castiel is surprised he can form coherent sentences.

"Yeah, in a while."

The 'while' ends up being another hour of chatter and laughter, and everybody has another round of beers, despite the fullness of their meals. A waiter is clearing up their table, and everyone begins to help him, piling up plates together, collecting stray beer bottles and tissues, and the waiter smiles as he clears the table away. They leave him a hefty tip, and the swarm of people end up outside the Roadhouse, a little tipsy, at around seven p.m. in the evening. Charlie, who's gone slow on the beers, guides her flock of drunk friends towards her car, kissing Jo before Jo returns to the Roadhouse to help her mother pack up. Benny goes in, and so does Missouri, and Charlie gets in, but not before bidding Castiel and the rest a good night, hugging everyone, Castiel a little tighter, and telling him how proud she is of him, and then she's in her car, and the car is zooming away.

"Let's head home, boys."  
Dean huffs, and unlocks the car, allowing Bobby and Sam to get in on the back seat, and Castiel gets in next to Dean on the front.

 _The best day ever,_ Castiel muses. 

Dean sighs, and none of them say a word as Dean pulls out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

It isn't until a few minutes have passed, that Dean reaches for Castiel's hand, twining their fingers, and pulls it up to his lips to kiss the back of Castiel's palm.

He doesn't let go of his hand, simply holding it on his own lap.

"You have a good day, Cas?"

"The best."

"Well, I'm glad then."  
Dean says, and glances at Castiel briefly, before turning back to the road.

Sam and Bobby are silent behind them, but for the moment, all that matters is Dean, and his hand in Castiel's.

He only lets go once, to dial up the volume of the radio a tad bit, and then his hand slides back into Castiel's.

Dean hums softly, before throwing a glance back at Sam and Bobby from the rear view mirror.

 _Baby, I'm yours_ ,  
_And I'll be yours until the sun no longer shines..._  
_Yours until the poets run out of rhyme..._  
_In other words, until the end of time..._

A modern rendition of the Barbara Lewis song plays on the radio, and Dean hums along, only stopping to sing it out, albeit quite softly, it reaches Castiel.

"Nothin' in the world can drive me away... Cause everyday you'll hear me say... Baby, I'm yours..."

Castiel decides he likes the song. Mostly because Dean is singing it.

He shuts his eyes, and rests his head against Dean's shoulder, who slips his hand out of Castiel's and around his back.

 _I could stay here forever_ , Castiel wonders, and snuggles closer to Dean. The drive is short but slow, at least four to five songs have played on the radio, not to mention the several advertisements, before they pull up below Castiel's apartment.

"Here."  
Dean mumbles, and throws a glance back at Bobby, who's dozed off, and Sam, who's tapping away at his phone.

Castiel takes a deep breath, and steps out the car, followed by Dean, who crosses over to Castiel, hands in his pockets as he gazes at his boyfriend.

They don't say anything.

But in that one moment, both of them come to a conclusion.

_I don't think I can live without him._

All at once, everything except Dean is white noise, and every single moment they've spent together, from the very beginning to now, flashes in front of Castiel's eyes.

_"I'm gonna make you love me, Castiel. I know I will."_

_"So, I don't know about you, Novak, but I'm not stopping until you say yes."_

_"I'm not going to keep asking you this, Castiel, but I really like you, and I'd want nothing more than to be with you, if you even give me a single chance."_

_"Castiel Novak, you take that back. Nothing I ever do, especially for you, will ever be a waste of my time."_

_"Castiel, how hard do I try? I know you said we could be friends, but please, I can't stand it, I really can't. I can't stand the thought of knowing you, and not being able to love you the way I want to."_

_"I don't tolerate you, Cas. I crave being with you. More so than I did a couple months ago. You know, from far away, you're pretty, so cute and doe-eyed, always smiling and all. But up close, you're beautiful. And you know what, I'll wait. I'll wait for you. But just... Don't break my heart. Please."_

_"I love you."_

The mortarboard in Castiel's hands drops.

He surges up, hands wrapping around Dean's neck as their lips connect, slotting perfect against each other, while Dean's hands naturally reach around Castiel's waist, pulling him closer into the kiss.

His lips are soft, and they taste like the beer he'd been drinking, and yet, there's something that just tastes like _Dean_. Dean parts his lips, and before he can break the kiss apart, Castiel pushes his tongue in, swirling it around Dean's tongue. Strong hands pin his back across the door of the impala, and lift him slightly. He compels, and wraps his legs around Dean's thighs, as tight as the black gown can permit.

Their breaths mingle, growing frantic and loud as they lose themselves in each other's arms and lips.

Dean's hand finally finds Castiel's neck, and he tilts his head up, drinking in as much as he can of the kiss, until Dean pulls away, and sucks in a deep breath, head resting against Castiel's forehead, eyes shut, eyebrows knit together in focus, as he pants against Castiel's cheek.

"I love, I love you."  
Castiel mutters, still gasping for air.

Dean cusses a soft _fuck_ , and leans down to nip at Castiel's jaw.

"I love you too, Cas, never loved anyone so damn much."  
He mumbles, dropping light kisses against Castiel's neck.

"Please don't leave me."  
Castiel whimpers, tilting his head back to allow Dean to reach further.

"Never, never, never."  
Dean breathes out against his skin, right before a loud bang on the window startles them both, and Castiel jumps out of Dean's arms.

Of course, it's Sam.

Dean shakes his head and flips him off, before turning his attention back to Castiel, who simply blushes.

_Did they just make out against a car? A car which had Dean's brother and uncle inside? Yes. Yes they did._

"Sorry, uh, I don't what came over me, I shouldn't have-"

"Hey, baby, it's okay, it's okay, Sam's a bitch, ignore him."

"No, it's not about Sam, it's just... I was thinking of, y'know, the first time we met at the library... And I just... Can't believe it's been months since... I'm just... So happy to have you here, Dean."

Warm arms wrap around him, and Castiel holds onto Dean as he buries his face in the crook of Dean's neck.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere, okay? I'm going to be here for as long as you want me, alright?"

Castiel nods, but doesn't let go of Dean.

"And I'll call you tonight, before I sleep, like I always do, 'kay?"

"Yeah..."

"Come on, you gotta get home, right?"  
Dean coaxes, and Castiel pulls away, eyes meeting Dean's, as he feels Dean's fingers run through his hair.

"I love you."  
Castiel says, and Dean laughs, only making Castiel scrunch his nose and pout his lips.

"What?"

"Nothing, I just love it when you get like this, all needy and clingy, 'cause then you got this cute little pout on your face, and all I want to do is kiss it away."  
Dean jokes, and Castiel levels him with a look, narrowing his eyes at him.

Dean chuckles a bit, and leans in to press a soft, final kiss onto Castiel's lips, before pulling away. Castiel lets go of him, rather reluctantly, and Dean gazes at him for a moment.

"Remember when I said I'd make you love me?"

"Hmm?"

"Did I succeed?" Dean asks, as if it isn't obvious already. 

"With flying colours."

Castiel grins, so wide his lips hurt, as Dean nuzzles his nose against Castiel's cheek playfully, and pulls away.

"Goodnight, Cas."

"Goodnight, baby."

"I'll call you later."

"Sure."

Dean smiles, and crosses over to the other side, tipping his head at Castiel, a final acknowledgement, before he's sliding into the driver's seat, and backing the car. Castiel steps back, picking his mortarboard, dusting it and placing it on his head. He reaches within the gown, into his pant pockets, to retrieve his cellphone, and checks the time.

It's almost eight thirty in the evening.

With a sigh, he turns towards his apartment, walking into the lobby, smiling at Ashton, who smiles back at him.

Right as he steps into the elevator, his phone buzzes.

_> > lover boy: I love you._

Castiel smiles, fingers tapping away at the his cellphone.

_< < me: I love you too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song - Baby, I'm Yours, by Arctic Monkeys.
> 
> second-last chapter guys, im a lil emotional, and also some of you have been so so so supportive and have always commented and made me feel so special okay im gonna shut up before I cry. 
> 
> one left to go bois, im gonna make it good. 
> 
> Love y'all.


	14. Epilogue.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 months later.

_Anytime now._

Castiel checks his hair in the mirror for the fifteenth time that day, and behind him, a door clicks open, drawing his attention to it.

"You're dressed up, already?"

A voice asks, and Castiel glances at him through the mirror. What? Why isn't he ready yet? Standing at the foot of the bed, with a towel wrapped around his waist, and damp hair, is Dean.

"Dean?" Castiel groans, "You're still not dressed? We only have twenty more minutes until they come."

"Twenty? That's a lot, Cas. Some might even say enough for a _quickie_."  
Dean smiles, wide and knowing, eliciting an exasperated sigh from Castiel, who shakes his head, and steps away from the mirror, turning around to make sure his jeans fit snug against his bottom.

"I am not ruining my clothes just so you can fuck me for five minutes and then shrivel from exhaustion for the rest fifteen."  
Castiel rolls his eyes, a teasing undertone to his words. Dean gasps, and Castiel glances at him again, a smirk tugging at his lips.

"I am so offended right now."  
Dean says, hands pressed to his chest as he regards Castiel. Castiel snorts and turns to face him, a mischievous smile on his face.

"I last a good thirty to forty minutes, mind you."  
Dean scoffs, and Castiel laughs, stretching his arms out, reaching for Dean, who gives in with no hesitation, wrapping his arms around Castiel's waist and snuggling into Castiel's neck.

"Mmm, you're mean."  
Dean mumbles, squeezing Castiel tightly, who can only laugh at this large puppy in his arms, who also happens to be his boyfriend.

"And you're all wet. Come on, you're gonna get me wet too."  
Castiel says, after kissing Dean's forehead, and tries to squiggle out of Dean's death grip.

"Y'know, babe, twenty minutes is a lot of time for a blowjob."  
Dean mumbles into Castiel's neck.

"God, is it absolutely necessary to have your dick in some part of me every hour of the day?"

"Yes, with a body like yours, oh fuck yeah."  
Dean moans, teasing Castiel, who shakes his head, and pushes Dean away.

"Don't objectify me, and get off me for fuck sake, Bobby will be here any minute, he already called me while you were in the shower."

Dean sighs, and pulls away, looking down at Castiel, and holding his gaze.

"You're a cruel man, Novak."

Castiel narrows his eyes at Dean, and moves away, but not before Dean lays a sharp slap across his ass.

"I'm not letting you sleep tonight, Cas."  
Dean snorts.

"Sure."  
Castiel laughs, and walks out of the room, hoping Dean will get dressed as soon as possible. He makes his way to the kitchen, and begins to check all the dishes.

Okay, tacos? Check. Hot dogs? Check. Beer? Check? Whiskey for Bobby, Missouri and Ellen? Check. Andrea's vegan tofu salads? Check. Everything check, check, check.

It has taken a day for Castiel to cook all of this, but he's quite proud of himself. Besides, Dean helped with the pie and beer, not to mention all the cleaning, since that's usually Castiel's job, while Dean does most of the cooking. It feels nice to revere the roles for a day.

_Alright, just fifteen minutes left until everybody starts arriving._

A nudge at his feet draws Castiel's attention back to the present, and he glances down at the little ball of fluff head butting against his ankle.

"Gerald? Hey, baby."  
Castiel crouches down, and is greeted with licks all over his face.

Gerald, or as they like to call him, Jerry, their two-month-old golden retriever, yips loudly at Castiel, wagging his tail without any rest, jumping up at Castiel.

"What's the matter baby? What's wrong? You wanna play?"  
Castiel coos, scratching over and under Jerry's head, kissing his forehead, watching as Jerry pants loudly.

"Awoo!"

"We can't play right now, sweetheart, everyone's coming over. Charlie, Jo, Benny, you can play with them, okay? Why don't we go see what Daddy is up to? Come on," Castiel stands up, and glances down at Gerald, who looks ready to follow him, as he walks into the bedroom, pup trotting behind him.

Dean is dressed up in a flannel shirt, and his usual jeans, and is spraying some cologne on himself when Castiel enters, Jerry running over to dash at Dean's foot.

"Hey, buddy!"  
Dean yells, crouching down and brushing his fingers through Jerry's fur.

"Awoo! Awoo!"

"Woah, you're getting big, pal, think I'll still be able to pick you up like this when you're older?"  
Dean laughs, as he picks Jerry up, and holds him in his arms like a baby. Castiel laughs, gazing at both Dean and Jerry, fondness evident in his eyes.

Jerry tries to bark, but the noise only comes out in a loud _awoo_ , and Castiel can't stop laughing, as Dean sets Jerry down, only for Jerry to jump up on the bed, and climb up Castiel's stomach to nuzzle into his arms.

"Man, ain't hard to see who's his favourite. "  
Dean scoffs, and turns back to the mirror, brushing his hair through his fingers, to style them, dipping his fingers into some gel to help them sit.

"You look nice. That's the shirt I got for you, right?"

"Yeah, it does make me look good. Highlights my dashing, Greek god features, y'know."  
Dean says, studying himself in the mirror, before turning sideways to flex his biceps.

Castiel snorts, and holds Jerry up in his arms.  
"Daddy's being a little narcissistic, don't you think?"

Jerry snuggles into Castiel's arms, and Castiel chuckles.

"Man, I told you, love hearing you say that word."

"What, narcissistic?"

Dean rolls his eyes, before reaching down to poke Castiel's stomach, earning him a sharp swat at his hand.

"No. Daddy."  
Dean says, and tries to poke at Castiel's other side, before dashing out the bedroom, leaving Castiel in a fit of laughter.

"Ugh, you're gross!"  
Castiel calls out after him, shaking his head with a silly grin.

Right as Castiel is squirming his way out of Jerry's paws without disturbing him, the bell rings. Oh dear. Jerry shoots up, jumping off the bed, and zooming out of the bedroom, barking out loud.

Castiel sighs, and gets up, giving himself a final glance in the mirror, before walking out.

The door is open, and Dean is greeting Sam, Bobby, Missouri, Ellen, Jo and Charlie, and Castiel walks over to join them.

"Castiel!"  
Bobby says, and reaches out.

"Hello Bobby."  
Castiel smiles, and Bobby takes him into a light hug.

"How you been, boy?"

"Oh, I've been good."

"Hope this bugger of yours ain't giving you any trouble."  
Bobby tilts his head back towards Dean, who greets Charlie with a kiss to her forehead, beaming at her with stars in his eyes.

"Oh, never."  
Castiel laughs, and pulls away, as Missouri makes her way over to him.

"Hey baby."  
She smiles, and Castiel greets her with a hug as well. The pleasantries continue as the rest of them enter, kissing Dean's cheek, petting Jerry, and moving onto hug Castiel, before looking around their apartment with twinkling eyes.

Castiel hears praises behind him, _"... Jesus, this place is beautiful...", "...Damn dude, you hit the jackpot with this one..."_ , and more such compliments, as he shuts the door, watching Dean guide everyone to settle at the couch, as he reminds himself to serve some beer to his guests.

"Beer or water?"  
Castiel asks, a light mischief to his voice. If there's anything he's realized after living with the Winchester pack, it's that they drink beer more than they drink water. Not a healthy habit, he admits, and he's brought home one of those water dispensers that you can put fruit slices into, just so Dean can cut down on the beer. Oh, and if you think convincing Dean to throw out the six pack beers was hard, you should've seen him actually do it. Castiel thinks Dean won't even be this disheartened if Castiel was to leave him, as he was when throwing the beers out. But Dean's coming around to like the water dispenser. He won't admit it, but Castiel sees him drinks most of it in the morning.

"That even a question? Beer, baby! And whiskey for these old grumps."  
Dean laughs, only for Castiel to pop his happy bubble with-

"Not for you, sweet heart. We're trying to cut down on the beer, right? Why don't you come help me grab their drinks, and get yourself a glass of beet juice."

Castiel has never seen a man's face go pale this quick.

You know, the best part about having someone smitten over you, is that no matter what, you can convince them to follow your orders. It's manipulative, yes, and no one should be doing this at all, but Castiel feels if it's helping Dean, there's no harm to pull the occasional puppy-dog eyes at him.

"Babe?"  
Dean whines, but Castiel shrugs his shoulders. It is what it is.

Castiel turns away, walking into the kitchen, when he hears Charlie and Dean bicker.

_"... Beet juice? You're drinking beet juice?! Shit..."_

_"... Hey, I'm trying to get into shape, okay? And what, you think beet juice isn't manly? I dare you to drink two glasses of beet juice every day..."_

_"... Nah fam, I'm cool with my beer..."_

Castiel dismisses it, and reaches for the fridge, grabbing a six-pack from the bottom, and setting it onto the counter. He hears footsteps arrive in the kitchen, and then Dean is peering over his shoulder, hands settling into his waist briefly, more out of habit, as he shuffles to the side, grabbing the bottle of whiskey and a few glasses, and reaching for the Coke in the fridge. From the corner of his eye, Castiel catches the bottle of beet juice set on the counter, fresh from the fridge, and smiles to himself.

"'Kay, whiskey for Bobby, and one, two, three... Three beers for the rest. Oh, by the way, Benny will be here in ten."

"That's good. Do you need me to bring anything else out?"

"Some snacks? What do we got?"

Dean reaches for the shelves, searching through, and grabbing a few bags of chips.

"This should do until dinner, right?"

"Sure."

"Alright, don't keep busy in the kitchen, baby, need you out there."  
Dean says, and grabs a few melmoware bowls for the chips.

Castiel moves away, sliding the beers towards Dean, who sends him a quick smile, and carries the bowls and whiskey out in the living room on a tray. Castiel leans back against a counter, reaching for some of the beet juice himself, pouring some into a glass and taking a sip. It's actually not as bad as Dean says. Then again, he's a bitch.

Dean enters the kitchen again, and glances at the glass in Castiel's hands, then up at him.

"Oh, someone's drinking _my_ beet juice."

"I love you."

"Uh- oh? Well, I love you too, of course I do."

Castiel doesn't know why he has the urge to say it out of the blue. Perhaps, it has something to do with the lingering fear of waking up from this beautiful dream of life, into the sad reality where he's alone. Perhaps, it's the looming realization, that in a split second, all of this could be taken away from him. And knowing the people sitting out there, cheering and laughing, people who love him, and of course, Dean, who loves him more than anything, could turn against him one day, for some mad, non-sensical reason, prompts him to say the sudden _I love you_.

"Something wrong?"  
Dean asks, pouring himself a glass of juice, before moving closer to Castiel.

"No, I just... Feel a little overwhelmed from everyone outside..."

Dean's gaze drops to Castiel's eyes, and he takes his face into his hands, setting the glass aside.

"Hey, that's our family, Cas, you don't gotta feel overwhelmed... But I know you don't do good with crowds so if you wanna take a break for a while, just let me know."  
He says.

This. This is what Castiel loves so much about Dean.

How he's understanding. Always. Even when it hurts him. He stands his guard, holds his own opinions, and yet, he understands.

"Yeah."  
Castiel nods, and drops his head against Dean's shoulder, rubbing his hands across Dean's waist.

"Guys?"

A thin voice draws them out of their moment, and both turn to the source of the noise, eyes falling upon Charlie, who stands at the doorway, hesitating to enter as she eyes them.

"Charles, hey, sorry we were just-"

"It's alright, I just came in here to ask if you needed any help."  
She says, and oh, how polite of her.

"No honey, we're all good."  
Dean smiles, and she smiles back, eyes flickering between the two of them for a moment, before walking away.

Castiel pauses for a moment.  
"She seemed a little off, right?"

They pull away, and Dean reaches for his juice, taking a small sip before turning back to Castiel.

"They haven't been good, Jo and her."

"What?"

"I uh, wanted to tell you eventually, it slipped my mind, and you were busy this morning... She called me last night, crying... They've been fighting, arguing about the littlest things... I didn't know what to say. Couldn't take anyone's side, y'know, 'cause both of them are like sisters to me, you know that... But uh, she's been down, a lot, lately..."

Oh. That's... Surprising. Ever since Castiel has known Dean, has known Dean's friends, he's known Charlie and Jo to be the power couple. The ones who have each other's back no matter what. The ones who seem like they're endgame.

And this...? It changes Castiel's perspective about it. Mostly, it makes him wonder why he ever thought they were perfect... Maybe it was easier to consider them the ideal couple, instead of facing the fact that they had their up's and down's too.

"Is it really bad?"

"Charlie's thought about ending it a few times..."

"Oh my god... I used to think they were perfect, you know..."

"I know... Me too..."

"And they've been dating how long?"

"Three, four years, running."

"Wow."

A hand on Castiel's shoulder draws him back to the present, and he looks up at Dean, who brushes away a stray tuft of hair from his forehead.

"They'll be okay. I'll talk to her, 'kay?"

Castiel nods, sending Dean a quick smile, before moving away.

"Come on, we've been in here too long. We should go mingle with everyone."  
Dean sighs, and grabs the six-pack, before walking out the kitchen.

The beet juice is over in a minute flat, and Castiel walks out into the living room, where all eyes turn to him, and he smiles.

"Hey, where you been? We missed you, boy, c'mere and sit yo' ass down."  
Missouri says, patting on the seat next to her. Castiel smiles, and makes his way next to her.

"Sorry, I was just checking on everything... By the way, you guys like the place?"  
Castiel asks, eyes scanning over Bobby and Ellen, who sit together, drinking their whiskey silently.

"Oh, honey, it's beautiful. And my, you've kept it so well. I know for a fact, that this room, ain't nothing but you."  
Ellen says, taking a sip of her drink. Castiel laughs, and nods, crossing his leg over the other as he leans forward on the couch.

"The living room's mostly me, but uh, yeah, Dean did put up some frames here and there. Oh, but you need to see the kitchen. All Dean. And I don't mind it either, I know the kitchen's his domain, I know the living room's mine, and the bedroom is more of a mixture of both of our tastes..."

"That's an ideal plan, though. I like how y'all thought about it."  
Ellen smiles.

Castiel nods, and before he can thank her, Bobby speaks up.  
"How's your job been?"

"Oh, it's been good. I thought for someone who graduated two months ago, they'd be kind of uncertain about me, but the staff's quite young, quite creative, and no day's the same. But then again, it's a news broadcaster, and they've got a paper too, so it's always busy."  
Castiel says, and Bobby swirls his drink around, lip quirked up in understanding.

"That's good, yeah... I never miss your show, though... I mean, regardless of the fact that it's primetime news, I never miss your show."

"It's not _my_ show, Bobby, I'm just a news anchor."  
Castiel chuckles, eyes wandering over to where Dean is laughing with Charlie, as they play with Jerry in their laps.

"Oh yeah, feels nice to see you every night, we got a lil' celebrity in our midst. Anyone ask you bout' it though? Like when you go for the grocery or somethin'?"  
Missouri asks, and Castiel turns to her with narrow eyes.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but nobody gives a shit about a news anchor, Missouri."

"Oh, that ain't true. If I only knew you from the screen, and if I saw you in Walmart, of course I'mma ask you for a picture."

Castiel laughs, and bumps her shoulder with his.

"Well then, not everyone's like you. But it's actually pretty relieving. I hate being in the limelight."  
He shrugs, and Bobby speaks up again.

"So, how's it been with Dean? Y'all good?"

Castiel smiles, playing with the bracelet on his wrist, as he nods his head.  
"We're good. It's slow, and a little frustrating at times, but we're good."

It's not a lie. It's a partial lie.

His eyes wander back to Dean, but this time Dean holds his gaze, his apple green eyes twinkling with affection as they fix onto Castiel's.

The truth is, neither of them are loony, lovestruck romantics. They think things through. They argue sometimes. But they always make an effort to make things right.

Castiel knows this is simply their honeymoon phase. He knows this selfless devotion they have for each other won't last longer than a few more months. They both know it won't. That's just how people work. So they try to make the most of it, and try to bask in this little dream life of theirs. They know when this haze wears off, they're going to have to make conscious efforts to make this relationship work. And the thought of it all keeps Castiel up late most nights, but one glance at Dean, sleeping next to him, so tranquil, with his hand wrapped around Castiel's waist, and Castiel thinks to himself, for this man, and this man only, he'll put in everything he's got. Even if it breaks him. It's scary to think of something as such, especially so early up in their relationship, but it's a small assurance, something that helps Castiel wake up with a smile every morning.

They've been lovers for almost two and a half months, and friends for quite longer, and Castiel knows there's a long way to go, but hell if he doesn't do it at all.

"That's good, that's good. You know, after that brunette cheated on him, I've just wanted him to be happy. I don't care what shady shit you do, Castiel, just don't break my boy's heart."  
Bobby sighs, and the comment earns him a slap to his thigh by Ellen, who widens her eyes at Bobby.

"I know.... I won't Bobby. I promise."

"Forgive him if he does anything stupid, okay? He's got a little temper, I know, but he's got a lot of heart. And sometimes, he don't know where to stop caring for people. He's just a kid."

Bobby's eyes are slightly glassy, and the conversation pauses for a moment. None of them speak. Castiel doesn't know what he'd even say to that.

"Hey, come on now, Cas's just a kid too, Bob."  
Ellen says, and Castiel appreciates her for it.

"Of course, I know, in fact, he's a baby, if you talkin' in comparison, but I know he understands what I'm saying."  
Bobby says, but before Castiel can respond, the bell rings. Castiel pauses for a moment, and right as he's about to get up and reach for the door, a hand nudges him down, stroking over his shoulder, and it's Dean's.

"I got it, sweetheart."

Castiel watches as he heads for the door, and swings it open, revealing Benny, a bag in his hands, and behind him, Andrea, dolled up in her beautiful sundress, as they smile and greet Dean.

Castiel gets up, and walks over to greet them.

"Hey Cas!"  
Benny smiles, and wraps him in a half hug.

"Hey Ben, how's it been?"  
Castiel greets, and Benny chuckles.

"Like it always is."

"That's good, come on, why don't you join the others, I'll get you something to drink."

Castiel turns to Andrea after Benny moves along, and wraps her in a hug.

"Rea!"

"Cassie, my love, how have you been?"  
She squeezes him, rocking them back and forth as they laugh.

Ever since Benny introduced Andrea to Castiel, they've become great friends. Mostly because they both love to visit the town library, and the fact that Andrea works at the same place as Castiel. She works in PR, and Castiel is in anchor for the segment News at Nine, and a writer for one of the crime sections of their newspaper.

"Same old. Come on, I'll get you something to drink."

"Oh please, I'm parched. There was this accident at the fifth Avenue, and the thing was packed for hours, ugh, god."

"Beer or Coke? Or water?"

"A beer would be nice, thank you."

Castiel smiles and pats her on the shoulder before pulling away.

"Great, I'll get you and Ben some beer."

Andrea smiles, and says something Castiel doesn't really catch, before moving away. Castiel walks into the kitchen, grabbing some more chilled beer from the fridge, a few more snacks, and walking out.

He hands the beer to Andrea and Benny, and the chips to the younger group, mostly Jo, Charlie, Sam and the sort. Of course, Jerry has become the universal attraction ever since they adopted him. It wasn't even planned, someone from Dean's work had been talking about giving the puppy up to the pound, and Dean had instantly offered to take him in. And have you seen that face? Could Castiel even refuse?

He smiles at the memory, as he watches Dean deep in conversation with Sam, absently stroking Jerry's back, while the pup dozes softly in Dean's arms.

Castiel is interrupted by Ellen who asks if he's alright, and Castiel nods, patting her on the shoulder and reminding the older group to ask for anything they need before walking over to the small balcony, where Dean, Charlie, Sam and Jo are speaking.

"You guys need anything? Beer, food, music?"

A chorus of 'no's and 'nah's rise up from the group, and Castiel smiles, noticing the empty beer bottles at their feet, and making a mental note to get them some more. As he's about to turn away, a hand tugs at his wrist, and he looks down at Dean, who gazes up at him with such tenderness, it's hard not to smile back. Castiel crouches down next to him, hands entwined.

"Hmm?"

"Jerry's tired, baby, he's asleep already, mind if you tuck him in? I would, normally, but uh," Dean gestures to the group, and Castiel nods.

"Give him here."

Dean gently places Jerry in Castiel's arms. Castiel hears him whimper softly, and snuggle against his chest, as he walks over to Jerry's little corner in their guest room, and sets him down on the plush red dog bed, petting his fur until he's sound asleep.

It's quite late in the evening, and a glance at the wall clock tells Castiel it's around half past nine. When he walks back out in the living room, everyone is gathered together, and the two groups have merged together on the couch, some on the chairs from the dining table.

"Hey guys, what's happening?"  
Castiel asks, settling next to Dean on the couch, who promptly wraps an arm around his shoulder.

"Well, we're just talking about how you're settling in."  
Jo says, and Castiel smiles at her. As he's about to answer, he feels a set of fingers brush up and down his upper arm, and needless to say, they're Dean's. It's a habit Castiel has picked on, how Dean plays with his hair, or rubs his feet, or strokes down his back, or thigh, when they're sitting together, or simply talking.

"We're settling in fine, I guess. Yeah, babe?"  
Castiel looks up at Dean, his beautiful green eyes studying Castiel's before moving to Jo.

"It's alright. Feels nice to have your own place."  
He says, bottom lip quirked up in satisfaction.

It's weird looking at Dean, sometimes. Because all at once, Castiel will be hit with a sudden gush of affection, to the point that it frustrates him how much he wants to be with Dean, to the point where he'll hug Dean really tight, or snuggle up with him, even if he's working, and not let go until Castiel's satisfied.

This is one of those moments. But Castiel can't do much about it.

"Yeah, Cas?"

"Hmm?"  
Castiel snaps out of his daze the moment someone says his name, and it takes him a moment to recognize Charlie's voice.

"I said, it's nice you're helping Dean stay fit."

"Oh? Oh, right, it's uh, nothing. He's quite fit already, but it's good to sustain that, right?"

"Absolutely. At least Dean listens to you. I'll tell Jo to do something in the morning, and I come back from work and it's still not done."  
Charlie laughs, but there's a sour undertone to her words. Castiel glances up at Dean, who has stopped stroking his fingers against Castiel's arm, and is looking pointedly between Charlie and Jo.

"Well, sometimes I have things of my own to do, you know, being human, it happens to slip my mind."  
Jo answers, a hint of sarcasm evident in her words. The rest of the group remains silent as Charlie turns to Jo. Even Ellen.

"Being human it's hard to glance at a post-it note on the fridge too, isn't it?"  
Charlie starts, and with the way she's eyeing Jo, a rising bitterness in her glare, it's evident they're on the verge of an argument.

"Tacos, anyone?"  
Castiel jumps up, clapping his hands together with a wide smile.

Charlie turns to him, and he smiles down at her.  
"Think you could give me a hand back in the kitchen, Charles?"

She nods, and follows him. The conversation dims down after they leave. The walk to the kitchen is silent, an unusual feat for the usually bubbly Charlie.

It isn't until they're in the kitchen, that Castiel finally turns to her. She leans back against a counter, eyes staring off into the distance, a few tears streaming down her cheek.

Castiel gasps, caught off-guard by the onflow of tears in her eyes. He pauses for a moment.

Charlie's lips are pursed, and her eyes squeeze shut, as tears flood her cheeks. She jerks, sobbing with absolutely no sound, until she has to take a deep breath.

Castiel sighs, and wraps his arms around her, stroking a hand through her hair, down to her back, as she holds him and pours her heart out.

"I'm sorry, I'm so- Cas, I'm so-"

"Hey it's alright, Charlie, it's alright... Dean uh, Dean already told me, if that's okay with you... Hey, shh, it's alright, okay?"

"I don't wanna ruin this, I really don't, I just can't- I can't do this anymore, Castiel..."

Castiel tucks her hair behind her ears, and grabs a few paper napkins for her, wiping away her tears on the ball of his palm, running a soothing hand down her back.

"Hey, it's okay, it's all okay, I'm right here, and you can cry as much as you want sweetheart. You're not ruining anything, okay? You're my friend, and I don't care about what the others have to say. Got it? You need some water, some beer? Anything?"

Charlie shakes her head, and pulls away to wipe her face. She draws in a few deep breaths, eyes shut as she calms herself down.

"I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm sorry, that just came outta nowhere."

"It's alright, honey, trust me."  
Castiel smiles. Foot steps tap against the doorway of the kitchen, and their attention is drawn to the person who enters the room. Castiel assumes it's Dean, but when the figure at the doorway steps in, both of them are as astonished.

"Jo?"  
Castiel asks, and she glances at Charlie, her jaw locked and shoulders stiff, as she walks over to where Charlie's standing.

"I'll uh, give you guys some space to talk."

"Oh, uh, Cas?"  
Jo calls out, right as Castiel steps aside.

"Hmm?"

"Thank you. For stopping things before they slipped out of hand."

_Oh. She must be talking about the 'tacos' distraction._

"It's alright. I'm outside if you need anything."  
Castiel smiles, and walks out the kitchen, only to be met with Dean, who's about to enter.

"What's happening?"  
He asks, stepping back once he sees Castiel.

"They're talking. I gave them some space."

"Good, yeah, good."  
Dean mutters, brushing a hand through his hair, as he looks around, as if lost in thought.

"Dean, are you alright?"

He snaps back to reality at Castiel's words.

"Yeah, I was just-"

"Hey, look, they're okay, okay? If they decide to stay together, of even if they decided to separate, it's their decision. And it's not our place to tell them what they should be doing or expecting from each other. All we can do is support them, no matter what they decide, okay?"

Castiel takes Dean's face in his hands, noticing the obvious plight on his face, before resting his forehead against Dean's, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck.

"Okay."  
He hears Dean mumble into his shoulder.

"Come on, we got some guests to entertain. Especially now, we gotta let everything cool down, okay?"

"'Kay."

"I'll see if I can get some more beer from the kitchen, you handle things outside."

"Sure."  
Dean says, pulling away from Castiel's hands to turn the other way.

"Oh, uh, Cas?"

"Yeah?"

"You're an angel."

Castiel laughs, looking away from Dean's face, dismissing him with a, eye roll.

"Whatever."  
He mutters, and right as he's about to step into the kitchen, Charlie and Jo step out.

Hand in hand.

"Uh, everything alright?"

"Not yet. But we'll try to make it."  
Jo glances at Charlie, who smiles at her.

"Oh, that's... That's good. No more crying?"

"No more crying."  
Charlie scoffs, and Castiel grins at her, clapping her on the shoulder.

"Alright then, Queen of Moondor, your highness, will you help me get some tacos out for everyone?"  
Castiel chaffs, trying to get the ladies to laugh, and it works, as Jo grins, and Charlie wraps her arms around Castiel.

"Thanks."  
She whispers into his ear, and Castiel strokes her back.

"Anytime."  
He whispers.

They pull away, and he smiles at Jo.

"So, any way I can help out?"  
Jo asks, and Castiel nods.

"Sure, could you get these beers and hot dogs out?"  
He says, reaching for the fridge to grab a six pack, and handing it over to Jo, followed by a plate of hot dogs. Thank goodness for her waitering skills, she doesn't drop any of it.

"And Charles, help me get these out."  
He continues, handing over a large plate with tacos in it, and grabbing an exact same one himself, as they walk out into the living room.

Conversation is light, and the chatter is steady. Charlie and Jo settle down, and Castiel returns to the kitchen to grab some plates and cutlery.

"Hey."  
Dean says, and Castiel almost jumps.

"Damnit, you scared me."  
Castiel chuckles, and turns to Dean.

"Hey, what?"

"Nothing, I just... That was good quick thinking back there."  
Dean smiles, and slides his hands around Castiel's waist.

"Yeah, well, I don't know, I just did what I thought was right."

"And it worked. Besides, it would've been pretty bad if you didn't interfere."

"That's exactly what I was thinking."

Dean sighs, and leans down to capture Castiel's lips in a soft, lingering kiss. Dean's lips are soft, and he tastes a little like the chips he'd been eating. Castiel pulls away, a shy grin on his face.

"Babe, we have people waiting for us. And for spoons and forks."  
Castiel waves the bunch of spoons in his hand at Dean's face, snorting at his own joke.

"Come on, let's go outside, join everyone."

Castiel sighs, and Dean rubs his back, before moving away, taking the spoons and rest from Castiel's hands.

They walk out into the living room, where most of them have already started digging into the tacos.

"Mh, Cash, theshe ahr ghrate-"  
Charlie says through a mouthful, and Castiel laughs.

"Thanks Charles."

"You made these or Dean?"  
Ellen asks, and Dean claps Castiel's back.

"All Cas. Everything except the pie, that's my boy, he made all of it."  
Dean says, and Castiel smiles, eyes not quite meeting anyone's.

"These are really good, though."  
Missouri says, and Castiel thanks her.

"Hey, Dean, you know what I was just saying to Andrea?"  
Benny pipes up, and Dean turns to him.

"What?"

"You should sing. Get the guitar out. Entertain us a little."  
Benny laughs, and Dean begins to shake his head.

"Naw, naw, I haven't played in days."

"Awh, come on, Dean, play for us!"  
Charlie yells, and Jo follows her, "Yeah, sing something. For Cas if not for us."

The group laughs, and Dean turns to Castiel.

_What, like he's going to say no to Dean singing?_

"It is still tuned. You could give it a go."  
Castiel says, and Dean sighs. He chews on his bottom lip in though, before nodding.

"Okay. But only one song."

"Deal!"  
Andrea says, and Dean heads to the bedroom, returning with a slightly old acoustic guitar, as he settles on on of the chairs.

"What do you want me to sing?"  
He asks, voice low and soft. Castiel settles at the corner of the couch, leaning on his hand, cheek resting against his fist as he gazes at Dean.

"Well, does Castiel have a favourite song?"  
Ellen asks. All eyes turn to Castiel, and he backs up into the couch, shaking his head to dismiss them.

"No, Dean can sing whatever he wants."

"But it's fun to see him sing for you. He feels more at ease when he does."  
Charlie says, and although the comment is quite casual, since she's licking sauce off her finger, it touches something inside Castiel.

Dean looks at ease when singing for Castiel? He never knew that.

"Okay, uh, Cas? Any recommendations?"

"Not really. Anything you want, baby."

"Alright... Hold on..."

Dean bites his lip, fingers brushing across the strings of his guitar, as he stares at some mundane point on the floor, ears perked as he brushes his fingers again.

_"I'm gonna do all the things for you,_  
_A guy wants his man to do, oh baby,_  
_I'll sacrifice for you,_  
_I'll even do wrong for you, oh baby..."_

Castiel narrows his eyes. What song is this?

"Oh, Lord, that's a good one."  
Missouri smiles, and Castiel turns to her. He wants to ask her what it is, but he doesn't want to bother Dean, whose eyes wander up to meet Castiel's.

_"Every minute, every hour,_  
_I'm gonna shower_  
_You with love and affection,_  
_Look out, it's comin' in your direction..."_

Dean shuts his eyes, leaning back as his fingers dance against the guitar.

Castiel can only watch him. Listen to him.

_"And I'm, I'm gonna make you love me,_  
_Oh, yes I will, yes I will..._  
_I'm gonna make you love me,_  
_Oh, yes I will, yes I will..."_

Green eyes meet Castiel's, and all at once, Castiel knows just _why_ Dean is singing _this_ song.

_'I'm gonna make you love me, Castiel. I know I will.'_

Castiel draws in a deep breath, as his eyes shut on their own accord, and all at once, he's in the library. Missouri is working. He's pushing Agatha Christie's The A.B.C Murders into the shelf. A set of eyes linger on his back. He turns, and in front of him, the most gorgeous boy he's ever seen.

And to think that was all months ago. It's strange how times flies.

_"Look here,  
My love is strong, you see,  
I know you'll never get tired of me, oh baby..._  
_And I'm gonna use every trick in the book,  
I'll try my best to get you hooked, hey baby..."_

Dean smiles as the words pour out of him, so soothing with his whiskey-like voice thrumming in Castiel's ears, sending goosebumps down his arm, and for a brief moment, Dean holds Castiel's gaze.

He remembers it all. The chocolates. The roses. The song. The walks. Everything. Every 'trick.'

_"And every night, every day,  
I'm gonna say,  
I'm gonna get ya, I'm gonna get ya,  
Look out, boy, 'cause I'm gonna get ya,  
I'm gonna make you love me..._  
_Ooh, yes I will, yes I will,  
And I'm gonna make you love me..._  
_Ooh, yes I will, you know I will..."_

Look how far they've come. Look how far they have to go.

Everyday is something new with Dean. Castiel glances at Charlie and Jo, who are leaning into each other's arms, and he wonders, no, prays, to anyone listening, that he has enough strength left in him to fight for Dean, for love.

_"Every breath I take,  
And each and every step I make,  
Brings me closer, baby,  
Closer to you..._  
_And with each beat of my heart,_  
_For every day we're apart,_  
_I'll hunger for every wasted hour..."_

Dean's eyes are on Castiel now. Unbothered about the rest of the world. Only them in that moment.

_"And oh, every night and every day,  
I'm gonna get ya, I'm gonna get ya,  
Look out, 'cause I'm gonna get ya,  
And I'm gonna make, I'm gonna make you love me..."_

It's funny how fate works. How people work.

_"I'm gonna make you love me, ooh, oh  
Yes I will, yes, I will,  
I'm gonna make you love me, ooh  
Yes I will,  
Come on and love me..."_

And it's funny how you find yourself thanking the force that you once cursed, for giving you something like this. Something like love.

_"I'm gonna make you love me,  
Come on and love me,  
I'm gonna make you love me..."_

A last brush of Dean's fingers to the guitar, and the room goes silent.

And then, the sound of a single clap. It's Bobby. Then it's Missouri. Then it's Charlie. And then it's Andrea.

Then it's everyone.

Everyone except Castiel.

Because his hand is already occupied, being held in Dean's hand, as he smiles.

_No crying, Castiel._

And yet, Castiel can't help but feel a sheen of tears blur his vision, as he smiles at Dean.

"That was lovely, baby."  
Missouri smiles, as Dean thanks her with a blush, getting off the chair as he heads for the bedroom to keep his guitar back.

"Awh, Cas, are you fine?"  
Jo asks, reaching for his hand.

"What, of course I am?!"

_I don't think I am._

"It's just, you looked a little spooked."

"No, I was just thinking."  
Castiel says.

_Thinking of how much I love this man._

"Oh, cool."  
Jo shrugs, but smiles at Castiel, her hands twined through Charlie's hair.

"Yeah."

Castiel pauses for a moment, simply basking in the feeling of being loved. Of being adored.

He needs to be alone right now.

"I'll uh, I'm just gonna get some drinks."  
He says, as he jumps off the couch, legs wobbly as he walks into the kitchen. It isn't hard to notice the silence when he leaves, and the hushed conversation that drifts to the kitchen as he grabs a glass, filling it with some water.

He takes a gulp, and shuts his eyes, letting his head rest against one of the shelves.

A soft rustle at the doorway distracts him, and he opens his eyes to check who it is. Out steps Dean, a tender expression on his face, a soft grin, as he walks over to Castiel.

"Was that good?"

He really has the audacity to ask Dean if it was good? Especially when he gave Castiel a mid-life crisis at the age of twenty-two? Fucker.

"Assbutt. C'mere."  
Castiel sets the glass aside and holds his hands out, reaching for Dean, who walks into Castiel's arms, a shy smile on his face as he moves closer to his boyfriend.

And then Castiel is pulling him down, crashing their lips together, pulling at the lapels of Dean's flannel, rocking against his body as he drinks in every corner of Dean's lips, sliding an arm around Dean's neck, feeling a pair of warm hands wrap around his waist, as Castiel takes Dean's face in his hand, lips moving in tandem with the other.

They break apart to catch their breaths, panting against each other's shoulders, grips loosening on their bodies, as they pull away.

"Does that mean I'm getting laid tonight?"  
Dean asks, being the dumbass that he is.

Castiel snorts, dropping his head back against the shelf as he studies Dean through narrowed eyes.

"You are so getting laid."

Dean laughs, and reaches up to brush his hand through Castiel's hair, leaning closer to steal a kiss of his swollen, pink lips. Castiel's eyes roll to the back of his head as he lets Dean kiss down his neck, down to the collar of his green Henley, as Dean hooks a finger behind the hem and pulls it down to drag his lips over his collarbone.

"Dean, please- everyone's- ah- waiting."  
Castiel sighs, and pushes Dean away, earning him the signature puppy-dog look, but Castiel doesn't give in, he trusts his will.

He grabs some cans of Coke, before sending Dean a smile and walking out.

Everything has already fallen into order. Benny is laughing with Andrea, Missouri and Bobby about something, Charlie, Jo, Sam and Ellen are engrossed in a deep discussion about something. Castiel sets the cans down on the centre table, and Charlie smiles up at him.

"Thanks, we need the boost. Besides, Benny's driving us home, and Sam's driving Missouri and Bobby, and Ellen and Jo are taking an Uber."

"Oh, if you need us to drop you guys, we can do that, y'know-"  
Castiel suggests, but Benny cuts him off.

"Nah, you've done enough today, man. Get some damn rest, and don't wake up till twelve tomorrow. We'll be cool. Sam and I haven't had much, so we'll be careful."

"Okay, but text us when you get home, anyone of us."

"Yeah, yeah, you're worse than Ellen, for Pete's sake."  
Benny sighs, and Castiel rolls his eyes at him, making him chuckle.

"Alright then, we'll get going, boys," Bobby starts, as he gets up, and flattens his trousers, before stepping away from the couch and towards Dean, wrapping him in a light hug and pulling away.

"Yeah, we'll be going as well, it's too late already, besides, we had so much fun today, boys. Really."  
Ellen says, and Castiel smiles at her.

"You guys get home safe, okay?"

"We'll let you know. You need any help cleaning up?"

"No, it's okay, we'll manage."  
Dean says, and wraps his arm around Castiel's waist, a frequent habit of his.

"Just get home safe."  
Castiel says, and they walk the group to the door.

They part the same way they met, with hugs and kisses, and useless chattering. All that's different is the incessant waving. First it's Sam's group that leaves, then Ellen and Jo when their Uber arrives, and lastly, Benny and the rest, who leave after another round of hugs. Only when the door to the elevator Benny and his group take shuts, do Dean and Castiel breathe.

Wow.

What a day.

The door shuts behind Castiel, and he walks into the living room, simply standing, watching the view of the night sky through their apartment window. Stars dotting the black abyss, giving it some semblance of recognition.

Warm hands wrap around Castiel's stomach, and he rests his own atop them. Dean's chin settles on his shoulder as they stand there, simply gazing at the view out their window.

 _This is home_.

"Tired?"

"Hmm."

"We'll get to bed soon."

"Hmm."

"I love you, Dean."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wheeeewww. 
> 
> I'm just going to take a hot minute to say some things. 
> 
> Alright. Wow. This has been a ride. I'm, not usually one for writing multi-chapter fics, and this fic in itself is so special to me. Right from the songs, the story, the feeling. I'm gonna miss this. Most of all, I'm going to miss every single person who commented, who gave me the strength to finish writing this, knowingly or not.
> 
> Also, last but not least, Gerald, the cute little pupper, is actually a character based off @hippiefangirl97 's dog, who caught his foot in a blanket and had a little accident. Hope your dog gets well soon!
> 
> I'm so thankful for each one of you, who have been here from the start, and the ones who found this sooner. I love you guys, and please know, you are my strength. I write for you, just as much as I write for myself. 
> 
> Don't worry, I'll be back with a new fanfic soon. 
> 
> Until then, adios my friends.
> 
> P. S: I'm sorry if you were expecting smut in this chapter, I made a last minute decision to cancel it out, as I wanted the epilogue to be more inclusive and appropriate with the theme of the story.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave a kudos and a comment! Those are the only motivation fanfic writers (like me) have, so please be kind!


End file.
